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Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 7/26/2009 3:10:49 PM
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fiery
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In any area of your life, not just work related. Do tell. :)
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 7/27/2009 9:44:54 AM
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ChristineB
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I do. I often feel that way actually. I think taking on the grandchild of a boyfriend is not something just anyone would do. Not that I'm asking for priase but it would be nice to be acknowledged for raising someone's elses child, and giving up the best years of my life!
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/1/2009 12:28:38 AM
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fiery
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Well you have plenty to be proud of, Christine. We know you have a big heart and you're right, not many would be so giving.
The best years of your life, c'mon woman, you didn't give them up. They were just different. :) You've got many more best years left in you, I guarantee it. :)
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/1/2009 5:06:27 PM
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dianerene
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absolutely! I agree with kay, they were just different than you had planned. do you consider them less fulfilling?
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/1/2009 5:14:18 PM
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dianerene
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to answer the original question ... there are times that I feel unappreciated, but overall I don't feel I deserve recognition for the things that I do. I don't think I go above and beyond anyone else in the things that I do ... I do what I do because it is what I feel is right. I don't think I deserve anything special for it, my reward so far has been watching my children experience life and put into action the things we discuss at home, growing to love and respect my husband more for the things that he does to keep our family comfortable ... those sorts of things are my special recognition :)
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/2/2009 11:48:51 AM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianerene
to answer the original question ... there are times that I feel unappreciated, but overall I don't feel I deserve recognition for the things that I do. I don't think I go above and beyond anyone else in the things that I do ... I do what I do because it is what I feel is right. I don't think I deserve anything special for it, my reward so far has been watching my children experience life and put into action the things we discuss at home, growing to love and respect my husband more for the things that he does to keep our family comfortable ... those sorts of things are my special recognition :)
Ahh beautifully said, diane. :) Recognition and reward go hand in hand I feel and while it's nice to get the odd pat on the back for something, when you can see the fruits of your labors so to speak, nothing beats that.
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/3/2009 12:09:30 PM
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ChristineB
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It is sometimes, yes not fulfilling. Hard to say and admit, but I worked very hard finsihing my book, starting my second one, said no to children and avoided it altogether. When I met John his kids were grown so it was a homerun. I had desperately wanted to travel and relax in my 40's and 50's, NOT raise a toddler.
Although yes I will have time once he's grown, keep in mind that by the time he graduates from high school I will be near 60 and my boyfriend will be near 70. Not at all what I imagines my life to be. Not to mention the baby's mother has gone on her merry way to create a new life with her boyfriend. They have date nights, alone time and peace ansd quiet at my expense. It all angers me to no end.
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/4/2009 1:46:22 AM
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dianerene
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I truely understand where you are coming from.
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/5/2009 1:18:37 AM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChristineB
It is sometimes, yes not fulfilling. Hard to say and admit, but I worked very hard finsihing my book, starting my second one, said no to children and avoided it altogether. When I met John his kids were grown so it was a homerun. I had desperately wanted to travel and relax in my 40's and 50's, NOT raise a toddler.
Although yes I will have time once he's grown, keep in mind that by the time he graduates from high school I will be near 60 and my boyfriend will be near 70. Not at all what I imagines my life to be. Not to mention the baby's mother has gone on her merry way to create a new life with her boyfriend. They have date nights, alone time and peace ansd quiet at my expense. It all angers me to no end.
That's what happens when we plan life. It never goes to plan. I thought I'd have my kids young (three of them), send them out into the world before I was in my mid 40's and enjoy the rest of my life unharnessed with my husband of twenty odd years.
Strike one. I had only one child and couldn't have more after such a bad birth without risking my life.
Strike two. He's now 20, on the autistic spectrum and I doubt he'll ever leave home.
Strike three. I got divorced after sixteen years because my husband was an alcoholic.
But you know what? I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't trade my son for the world because he's a sweet guy. I would never have met my second husband if I hadn't have problems with my first and he is a hundred times over a better man in every way. If I hadn't become the kind of person I am because of how my life had shaped up, he may never have been attracted to me.
Life happens. There's a reason for why we choose which paths to take in life and why we don't and whether you believe it or not, it is always a choice. You have close family. You could choose to leave but instead you choose to stay. And if you look at it from that perspective, as being one of choice, you won't feel as trapped or so many regrets.
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/5/2009 9:39:53 AM
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ChristineB
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Thanks! I try, I really do, and most days it works, but it is certainly frustrating. Alot of my friends say things well you chose to stay so buck up. (not that that's what you're saying) I am grateful for the little guy, especially since I never had kids, but I do feel, some days, robbed of my plan.
I focus on that sometimes too much and it leads me down a dark, negative road. I am trying to accept life as it comes, but it is testing my patience ALOT lately!
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/5/2009 1:10:19 PM
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dianerene
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I'm sorry, Christine. I do understand what you are saying. there are times when I go back in my head over all the things that changed my direction in life. things that I didn't plan, or things that I felt were 'dumped' on me. it's hard to step away from it and and disengage the resentment.
one thing that caught my attention ... instead of accepting life as it comes, why not create a new plan? this little guy has thrown a monkey wrench into your plans, but has he stopped you from them all together? you can still travel ... relaxation is a little more difficult to come by - lol - but now you have the opportunity to show a child all the things that make you happy, the places that you find interesting, educate him about the world. and you will be surprised when you see that he can bring you joys you may not have experienced without him leading you there 
my husband, when we married, had a son and I had a daughter. they are 2 and half years apart in age. he felt we had the perfect family, already set and on it's way. today we WOULD HAVE had 2 grown children, out of high school and on their way to independence. but I wanted to see if I could have another baby, and after months of talking and coaxing, I got him to agree ... and I say "got him to" because I know he wasn't 100% sold on the idea. he, like you, visioned us traveling the world after the kids were out of school and on their own. lately he has seen how close all that would have been had we not had Roxie and later adopted the baby. I think it is discouraging at times for him. but when the oldest two were still small, we bought a time share to force us to take a family vacation once a year. we have traded it to visit places all over the country and even places in mexico, spain, rome, france ... my husband is still traveling, only now we take our children along and we are on adventures we wouldn't have thought of doing alone!
... just a thought :)
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/6/2009 2:38:22 PM
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dianerene
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I don't think there is anything wrong with that either ... being or feeling selfish now and then. I think that goes along with the other thread ... about taking time out for ourselves.
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/9/2009 1:03:57 PM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChristineB
Thanks Kay! I'll try...I just feel selfish these days. 
It weren't me that ya needed to thank. 
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/9/2009 1:10:04 PM
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fiery
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Diane, that was a great post. And you're right, what we need to do at times is create a new plan. Life isn't rigid nor meant to be. We can all wish for do-overs but that time is passed, gone, no more. Why waste the energy? Look ahead. I'm reading a book for review purposes just now called Start with the Answer and that's the philosophy behind it. Start with the answer of what you want to do and be then work your way back to the solution.
Christine, you might like this article :
quote:
Standing at a kids birthday party one Saturday, I overheard a mother use the words before kids . . . to start a sentence. “Before kids,” she went on to say, “it seemed like we had a lot of money!” The other parents chimed in, nodding their heads. “Before kids” . . . another mother said, “I used to run triathlons.”
http://www.cuckleburr.com/before-kids-and-after-kids
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/9/2009 9:11:40 PM
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dianerene
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sounds like a book I will definitely have to check out :)
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/10/2009 6:02:03 PM
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ChristineB
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Not to be negative, really...but mine would go, before kids I had ALOT more money....those folks are in Costa Rica, Paris and more. If I had the money to travel like that I too would be less stressed and more grateful.
Before AJ, John and I had planned to go to Ireland for my 40th birthday. (which passed in July) We got AJ so unexpectedly that his daycare alone drained all we had....I know I sound negative but it's hard to look at life like that when the reality is all trips are on hold indefinitely....
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/15/2009 9:11:21 PM
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fiery
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Well I'm sorry that didn't help, Christine. But I tried.  Isn't there some kind of financial aid you can get when you and John in that position of being the custodial grandparents? It might be worth checking out for your state what benefits there are.
I had a quick look online. Try this resource and see where it will lead if anywhere.
Grandparents raising Grandchildren Online Support
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RE: Do you feel you deserve more recognition? - 8/17/2009 1:17:25 PM
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dianerene
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ugh, sorry. california seems to be really great about kinship adoptions, I cant complain at all about our situation. although, with the economy the way it is, the state has cut back on some of our support ... par for the course I guess.
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