Display name  | |
|
Looking for advice/thoughts on situation with my son - 7/15/2009 5:32:51 PM
|
|
|
JohnnyJ
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2009
Status: offline
|
Hi everyone I am new here. I'm 58 and I'm father of two sons and a daughter. One of my sons is 26 and recently got back with an ex girlfriend who has known since childhood. My son and his girlfriend met at age 5 at local preschool and attended the same elementry school, middle school and high school. They dated in high school and broke up after graduation mainly because my son chose to attend college out of state. He moved back two years and reconnected with her. For the past year and a half she was dating another man but would talk to my son a couple of times a week. Seven months ago the man she was dating died in a car accident. Soon after she became closer with my son while she was grieving. About six weeks after the death she found out that she is pregnant. Since then her and my son have been dating. She is still grieving over the father of her child. Within the past two weeks my son has told me, friends and relatives that he plans to marry her and adopt the baby boy soon after the birth. He and his girlfriend visited the deceased man's parents and they said they would be ok with my son adopting the child and raising him the boy as long he gets to know them and he learns about his biological father. They want the baby boy to have a father figure in his life.
I'm bit worried over this whole thing. I think if the relationship my son falls apart it will devastate especially if he adopts the baby and grows close to him. I do wonder if son would sort of get tired of raising a child that isn't his. I really don't what to think or how to help my son with this.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Looking for advice/thoughts on situation with my son - 7/15/2009 6:00:13 PM
|
|
|
Thelma
Posts: 104
Joined: 4/14/2009
Location: Michigan
Status: offline
|
Hi Johnny and welcome to the group.
Just from what I read, it sounds like your son and this woman know each other quite well. This isn't an ideal situation but I think it sounds like they probably love each other very much. He's 26 and sounds to me like a very responsible adult. I think it's wonderful if he wants to be a father to this child. This isn't a case of a man refusing paternity so your son WILL BE this childs father if the two wed. They have a long past together and have always kept in contact, my thoughts are they already have a strong bond and will do great as man and wife.
Try not to worry too much Johnny. He's a big boy now and no matter who he marries, there is always a chance of divorce. But no mistake, if he adopts this child, he will be his father no matter what happens. By the sounds of it, he will be a great role model and parent.
The best way to help your son........support him no matter what he decides to do. Let him know you're always there if he needs you. 
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Looking for advice/thoughts on situation with my son - 7/17/2009 8:37:54 PM
|
|
|
fiery
Posts: 5730
Joined: 11/4/2007
Location: in front of my computer
Status: offline
|
I couldn't have said it any better than Thelma did, Johnny. While I understand your concerns, I think both your son and this woman have thought it through. Being so compassionate and respectful as to approach the child's grandparents about the plans says a lot about what good people they both are. If your son hadn't moved out of state for college, they may have been married long ago anyway. Every relationship has its risks and they have a solid foundation from years back of knowing each other for decades and dating that many newlywed couples don't.
Support them and take pleasure in the baby when it comes along just as much as you would have if it were your biological grandchild, because in every other way apart from that it shall be. This baby is very precious and could very well bring a lot of healing to both the lady and the paternal grandparents. I have a feeling it will be a very special gift all round.
Your son sounds like a fine upstanding young man, congrats. :) It's natural for us parents to worry and I don't think we'll ever stop. That's love for you. :)
Keep us posted on how it's all going Johnny and a warm welcome to you and your family. 
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Looking for advice/thoughts on situation with my son - 7/21/2009 10:16:58 AM
|
|
|
evil step dad
Posts: 5
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline
|
I concur with the other posts, it sounds like your son is mature and is following his desires. You will be a better father for supporting his decisions, and his new family. I applaud you for being concerned, that says volumes about you as a parent. It appears that your son has the same character as you, so be the best you can as a father and a grandparent.
Dan
|
|
|
|
|
|
Printable Version
