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The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/14/2008 10:11:58 AM
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ArticlePost
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Too often adopted children grow up to feel they're somehow different from those who have grown up in biological families; even when they don´t feel different others can sometimes view them as different. This list of rights adopted children should have was compiled by an adoptive mother, with love.
The Rights of Adopted Children
http://articles.familylobby.com/502-The-Rights-of-Adopted-Children.htm
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/14/2008 10:11:58 AM
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ArticlePost
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im adopted and i want to know if its at all possible and legal to locate my biological parents behind my legal parents' back. are they allowed to deny visitation rights even though i want it?
shelb
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/14/2008 10:38:29 AM
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ChristineB
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I too am adopted and although not positive I believe it is legal to find them. You may have to be 18 though...I'm not sure.
I was always open and honest with my adoptive parents....why "behind their back"?
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/15/2008 12:24:28 PM
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ArticlePost
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because im 17 and ive been with this family for 7 yrs. even after those 7 years, i believe that they are hiding something. when i approach them with this type of question like do you know anything about my mom? she always replies i dont know. but i think she has to know something. behind their back as in taking it upon myself to find something out that they might not want me to know. get it? i know that if they found out that i was doing research on locating my biological mother, she wouldnt be too happy!
shelb
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/15/2008 12:37:36 PM
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dianerene
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I agree, I think you need to be 18 to find out about your birth parents, but you may be able to find out more with the assistance of your adoptive family. a lot of it depends on the type of adoption you have - open/closed, international, etc. sometimes the birth parents put restrictions on how much you can find out.
I defintely feel that you should talk to your adoptive parents about it though, they may be helpful.
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/16/2008 10:04:55 AM
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ArticlePost
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all i know is that somewhere along the lines, my mother failed to sign some papers indicating visitation or court appearance of some sort and since then it has been decided that all ties should be cut. i've tried to ask my parents about it but its all until im 18. thats so long!!
shelb
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/16/2008 11:57:11 AM
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ChristineB
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Sorry shelb, I know that must be tough. Try to be understanding from their point also. I know that's not much consolation but it must be really hard on them too.
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/17/2008 11:16:52 AM
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dianerene
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sorry Shelb! that is a difficult situation, I'm sorry that you have to wait. The only thing I can think of is, if you were adopted through social services, you might be able to find some help through your old social worker. some of them will work with the children through finding legal ways to reconnect. otherwise, it's dependent on your adopted parents andyour age.
have you told them how important this is to you? is it that THEY are refusing to help, or do they not even have enough information to be able to help?? did the courts decide to close up the paperwork???
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/24/2008 10:36:40 AM
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ArticlePost
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okay im 13 and i know who my real patents are and everything weve been talking for a while now and my parents that im with now dont want me to talk to them. but i really want to have visiting rights....... they fought for 4 and a half years to get me back but they couldnt she was only 15 she is now 28....she didnt sign the open adoption papers cuz she didnt want to give up on trying to get me back...... i want to know if it is now legal or illegal to talk to my real family......when i dont talk to them i feel like there is a piece of me missing :[[
keyona b
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/24/2008 11:40:24 PM
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dianerene
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wow, you are in a difficult situation.
as far as it being legal or illegal, is hard to say. but I think since you do have contact and you want to continue it, it might be a good thing if you could talk to your adoptive parents and maybe get them together with you biological parents so that you can all get a chance to express your fears, your hopes and maybe work something out? I can imagine what you are feeling, and I can also imagine that your adopted parents may be scared to lose you.
good luck!
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/25/2008 11:30:28 AM
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Just K
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I'm on the other side of the issue at hand here. In 1998, I gave my daughter up for adoption. It was a very open adoption...she was adopted by my sister's in-laws. She is now 10 years old, and I see her every now and then at special family functions (weddings, some birthdays, a few Christmas parties, etc). I get pictures of her now and then, and I display them proudly. She is beautiful, and I wish every day that I could go back and do it differently.
For those who are adopted...if you want to see your birth parents, you should first discuss the desire with your adoptive parents. If they are against it, ask them why. Maybe they are afraid of losing their child to the other mother/father. If that's the case, then reassure your parents that you just want to meet your biological parents...that you have questions that only they can answer. Maybe have a few counseling sessions with a priest or elder of your church...or even a therapist. You know, an outside, unbiased opinion.
I don't think that going behind your parents backs is a good idea. That will create trust issues for you and them. Remember, they love you...just as though you are their own flesh and blood.
In my case, I await the day when she comes and asks questions. I have no idea what I will tell her. Yes, she knows that she came out of "my belly." She hugged me at the last Christmas dinner (about 3 years ago) that I saw her at, and I cried the whole trip home (2 1/2 hours).
Most of you who are adopted have the same question .... WHY? Why did you give me up? Why didn't you want me? Why didn't you love me enough to keep me? Ohhhhh, if it was as simple as not loving you. I'm crying now, just thinking about the pain that you (and my daughter) must feel at the thought of their birth parents "discarding" them. I was married to a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic. He abused me for years (i left him in 2000). Why did I "give her up?" I didn't. I chose to let her have a GREAT life with two parents, over letting her live in fear of her mother being killed by an addict/alcoholic. Or worse, she being hurt or killed by him. Her new parents are wonderful people who love her so much...just as your new parents love you so much. Why didn't you love me enough to keep me? I loved you enough to let you go...to keep you safe, healthy, happy, and secure. Why didn't you want me? Ohhhh, it hurts me every day that I don't have you. I cry a lot...but you are SAFE. You are happy. You are thriving. You are loved by soooooo many people.
Don't give up your search if you truly want to know your biological parents. However, sometimes it's better to not know, and maybe your adoptive parents don't feel you can handle the "truth" about the events that led to your adoption. Weigh your options, as well as the consequences. And, most of all, pray about it. Ask God for guidance. Ask Him what HE wants of you. And remember, we don't always know what God is doing in our lives, but have faith that HE KNOWS what He is doing, and He will never, ever hurt you.
With all my heart, I love my daughter. And, when SHE is ready, I'm here to answer her questions.
Oh, one more thing...the day she was born, her new daddy's mother came into my room to meet me. I was crying, and she hugged me and said, "You have done a wonderful thing for our family, and you have made me the happiest woman in the world." What she didn't understand, was that her happiness was caused by my misery.
God Bless...and good luck to you all.
Just K
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 10/26/2008 12:58:10 PM
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dianerene
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thank you so much for your post Just K. it brought tears to my eyes as well.
I think the new grandmother knew that her happiness was brought by your misery, but I think she also wanted you to know how much she appreciated your sacrifice. they don't make hallmark cards for moments like that and sometimes finding the words to express our gratitude towards the birth parents just don't seem to be enough to get past the hurt we KNOW you are feeling. for me, to be happy about my youngest and all the things she does, feels very selfish in the presence of her
birth mother. I am always reminded that my joy of having her means her birth mother's sorrow of being short one child.
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 11/21/2008 8:02:05 PM
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ArticlePost
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I am a 35 year old woman.and yes I and twin sister was adopted when were 3,the family had 4 boys of their own and that's all we heard coming up,not you family and much much other stuff,as a little girl always just wanting to see and meet my bilogigal family,that's all i wanted,didn't really realize at the time what adoption really meant.i knew it did not feel good having to be just a stranger,I knew something was wrong,but by me being a child it did not count for nothing,so I ran a away alot and alot,I use to tell my twin sister when i would leave i would come back and get her.Its so much I could share with you until it just hurts and make me angry,I'm sorry for you all pain and just know jesus loves you,,So remembember what to dont kill makes you stronger and not only that you will understand as you live your life journey you will encounter alot of hurting people that will need your story to give them hope and you to,We are in this together,remember love and peace...You must pray and have love in your heart to get past the hurt to freedom,Was reunited my with my whole family about 10 years ago,Jesus loves you and you are where u are at because he knows best,Took me a long time to understand that.my e-mail address is jpower.electric@yahoo.com
Jessica Smith
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 2/22/2009 10:27:23 PM
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ArticlePost
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My sister adopted my 2 younger children who are now 13 and 12. She moved to Florida with my 2 children and her husband. Do I have any rights in getting them back? Both children have stated time after time that they want to come back home with me. Is there anything I can do to get them back?
Kim Stanford
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 2/23/2009 12:41:54 PM
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ChristineB
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I think it would be best to contact an attorney with that question but my hunch is that if she legally adopted them over a decade ago, that you have most likely surrendered your rights. I'm not a lawyer though.
One question I have is why would you want to do that? If they have been with her for over 10 years now it would seem that they have settled into a new life. I would ask yourself the hard question...who are you doing this for? Them or you? Always go with what's best for the children.
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 3/5/2009 2:34:10 PM
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ArticlePost
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i was taken away from my biologcal mom a little after my 13th birthday, for varius petty reasons, and now at the age of 16,17 in nov, i am being denided right to see her by my biological father and stepmother, who i saw maybe three times a month when i was growing up
jessica morgan
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 3/12/2009 12:13:56 AM
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Rod Elmore
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If you choose to contact your biological mom you do have the right. However, most counties will not release records county records to you until you are 18. You can attempt to do online searches and things of the sort. Just keep in mind that your adoptive family has the legal right to tell you no due the fact that you are minor and governed by their rules. But as stated above once you turn 18 legally you can request records.
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Rod Elmore
Husband and Father of 9.
http://rodelmore.blogspot.com/
http://elmoresandiego.blogspot.com/
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 3/12/2009 12:20:40 AM
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Rod Elmore
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I believe it takes a lot of courage for a person to be able to get past what you have been through. I commend you on your efforts in helping people and yes prayer must be a daily mania. I just want to thank you for not being bitter and hard hearten. It takes a special person to be able to let go. God Bless
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Rod Elmore
Husband and Father of 9.
http://rodelmore.blogspot.com/
http://elmoresandiego.blogspot.com/
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 3/27/2009 12:02:48 AM
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ArticlePost
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i am now 51 yrs old my mom just pasted away and i did not want to hurt her but i have always wanted to figure out were i come from.i have a 28(soon to be 29 )yr old son.it's kind of weird every time you go to doctor and they ask for a family history and you have to put down you are adopted and they look at you with that"oh" face.i loved my mom but i really do what to know were i come from.how do i do this?
jackie gilson weitzel
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RE: The Rights of Adopted Children - 7/16/2009 10:44:04 PM
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ArticlePost
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I am doing a argumentive research on should adoptive children have access to their birth records, if there is anyone out there that can help me with any information or web sites that I can go to - to find information it would be greatly appreciated. you can email me at debihenry@suddenlink.net Thank You
Debbie Henry
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