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Just K -> RE: The Rights of Adopted Children (10/25/2008 11:30:28 AM)
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I'm on the other side of the issue at hand here. In 1998, I gave my daughter up for adoption. It was a very open adoption...she was adopted by my sister's in-laws. She is now 10 years old, and I see her every now and then at special family functions (weddings, some birthdays, a few Christmas parties, etc). I get pictures of her now and then, and I display them proudly. She is beautiful, and I wish every day that I could go back and do it differently.
For those who are adopted...if you want to see your birth parents, you should first discuss the desire with your adoptive parents. If they are against it, ask them why. Maybe they are afraid of losing their child to the other mother/father. If that's the case, then reassure your parents that you just want to meet your biological parents...that you have questions that only they can answer. Maybe have a few counseling sessions with a priest or elder of your church...or even a therapist. You know, an outside, unbiased opinion.
I don't think that going behind your parents backs is a good idea. That will create trust issues for you and them. Remember, they love you...just as though you are their own flesh and blood.
In my case, I await the day when she comes and asks questions. I have no idea what I will tell her. Yes, she knows that she came out of "my belly." She hugged me at the last Christmas dinner (about 3 years ago) that I saw her at, and I cried the whole trip home (2 1/2 hours).
Most of you who are adopted have the same question .... WHY? Why did you give me up? Why didn't you want me? Why didn't you love me enough to keep me? Ohhhhh, if it was as simple as not loving you. I'm crying now, just thinking about the pain that you (and my daughter) must feel at the thought of their birth parents "discarding" them. I was married to a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic. He abused me for years (i left him in 2000). Why did I "give her up?" I didn't. I chose to let her have a GREAT life with two parents, over letting her live in fear of her mother being killed by an addict/alcoholic. Or worse, she being hurt or killed by him. Her new parents are wonderful people who love her so much...just as your new parents love you so much. Why didn't you love me enough to keep me? I loved you enough to let you go...to keep you safe, healthy, happy, and secure. Why didn't you want me? Ohhhh, it hurts me every day that I don't have you. I cry a lot...but you are SAFE. You are happy. You are thriving. You are loved by soooooo many people.
Don't give up your search if you truly want to know your biological parents. However, sometimes it's better to not know, and maybe your adoptive parents don't feel you can handle the "truth" about the events that led to your adoption. Weigh your options, as well as the consequences. And, most of all, pray about it. Ask God for guidance. Ask Him what HE wants of you. And remember, we don't always know what God is doing in our lives, but have faith that HE KNOWS what He is doing, and He will never, ever hurt you.
With all my heart, I love my daughter. And, when SHE is ready, I'm here to answer her questions.
Oh, one more thing...the day she was born, her new daddy's mother came into my room to meet me. I was crying, and she hugged me and said, "You have done a wonderful thing for our family, and you have made me the happiest woman in the world." What she didn't understand, was that her happiness was caused by my misery.
God Bless...and good luck to you all.
Just K[sm=hug.gif]
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