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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 9/25/2008 11:36:47 AM
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dianerene
Posts: 1686
Joined: 10/31/2006
Location: sunny so cal, usa
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quote:
So, I'd like to get your opinion if I might be on target or way off base...
Is Hannah Montana a bad influence for young girls?...I think so.
I had to laugh at this question. just yesterday I read a blog on how "old school" sesame street now comes with a PARENTAL WARNING - cookie monster eats too much of the wrong foods, big bird has hallucinations, and bert and ernie might be gay ?!?! < < < sorry, off topic
quite honestly, the behavior you described is very typical of a teenage girl. they test boundaries, they are finding their own place in this world with the way they dress and the way they talk, and they are learning to stand their ground. all of these are very necessary for life, but how YOU deal with it is how they will form these actions in the future.
THE ATTITUDE: when my 16 year old rolls her eyes, or gives me the blank stare, or pops off, I tell her "it's okay to NOT want to do this, but it is not okay to share your disatisfaction with me in this way". I remind all my girls (because I am blessed enough to deal with the female monster 3 times over) that there is a time and a way to express yourself. anything that involves tantrums, raised voices or ugly faces is NOT appropriate.
THE ATTIRE: I see no problem in your daughter wanting to be color coordinated. I have 2 girls that are always dressed to the hilt, and one who would wear her orange capris and bright green top with her bedroom slippers to the mall, if it were allowed. while I am no fashion guru, I will not even clean my house in clothes that do not match, so I can feel her pain in that sense. I like to look "presentable", even if it is only for me. and when I think of the more outlandish things I have seen in young teens, I would be grateful if that were my child's only issue.
ENTITLEMENT: again, another teen thing. my 16 year old has major issues with this as well. it's my job, and the job of her father, to help her look outside of her own little world. just last week she was upset with us because we asked her to get up early to go watch her sisters play soccer. her game was later in the day and had we waited to leave JUST for her, she could have slept in an extra hour. well, in my house we all go as a family. her little sisters have been dragged around all their lives to her soccer events, she was expected to pay them respect for their sacrifices ... she would get up and get ready and root for her sisters just like they had always done for her. Like I said earlier, this is the time where they are finding their place in this world, so it is natural for them to be self absorbed. so it is up to us to pull them out of their hole every now and then and say "see! life is going on around you and you need to step out and enjoy it every now and then"
as far as hannah montana - I'm sorry, but in my house tv has never effected my children's behavior. I love the disney channel shows, and hannah montana is just entertainment. I see it spark imagination in my 8 year old and 4 year old ... after they watch a show, they will go up in the bedroom, put on their dress up clothes and a CD, then sing and dance their little hearts away. my 16 year old watches degrassi (a show I grew up on as well), and I love that it makes her think about what is going on outside of our little city. teen pregnancy is real, school shootings are real, drama circles and bullies are real, gay is real ... some of this is happening in her school and some is not, but it exposes her on a level that I won't reach her, she sees kids her age (real or not) facing the situations head on. I can talk about what I know, but seeing it is something different.
I know my opinion is different than many, and I am okay with that. I was fortunate enough to have worked with teens in foster care and in drug rehab YEARS before I had my own teen. I noticed that their behavior and attitudes changed as mine did. If I attacked their attitude, it got worse. If I acknowledged their displeasure but asked them to be respectful, I usually got a little more information out of them. I will admit, I couldn't reach them all, but I did reach many.
Good luck! the teen years are hard, but keep in mind that they are hard on the children living them as well. being a foster parent is a tough job, you are not only helping a child in need, you are often cleaning up the mess another adult left behind. kudos to you!
< Message edited by dianerene -- 9/25/2008 11:37:37 AM >
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 9/25/2008 2:50:35 PM
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fiery
Posts: 2827
Joined: 11/4/2007
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Really I don't have anything to add to diane's excellent post. I just wanted to say thanks to her for that. Just because we all get to know each other better as time passes doesn't mean we can't still acknowledge and appreciate that from time to time I reckon. 
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The Cuckleburr Times
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart... - William Wordsworth
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/17/2009 8:47:29 AM
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Kristalea
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Joined: 4/17/2009
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Hi, My name is Krista, I am 20 years old, and I just moved from hometown to be a Nanny for a family of three. Two girls- ages nine and 13, and a boy who is 11. They are really wonderful kids, but I have been having a lot of trouble with the 13 year old girl, and even some trouble with the nine year old.
I simply just don't know how to deal with the 13 yr old's attitude! When she is in a good mood, she is absolutely WONDERFUL! But when she isn't it is very frustrating to me. She rarely minds me, and finds someway around what I tell her to do. Im not really allowed to yell at the children, just get stern. I am very new at dealing with teenagers so PLEASE HELP, any strategies or tactics would be wonderful.
Also, the 9 yr old (who most of the time is a complete sweetheart) has recently started to find it amusing when I get frustrated with her. She wont listen to me, so I get frustrated, then she finds it funny and it gets even worse. Any advice?
Thanks,
Kristalea
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/17/2009 11:28:43 AM
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ChristineB
Posts: 2027
Joined: 12/7/2007
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Wow, thats a tricky one. Teenagers are dealing with so many issues and hormones that mood swings can often be difficult to deal with on your end and hers. Try to keep in mind that she is probably frustared with herself too, and the changes in her body compound the issue.
Have you tried talking to her, openly and honestly and expressing your concerns? Also, have you tried this with her parents? I'm not sure there is an easy solution, or any tricks of the trade that will work...but try communicating your concerns to her and her parents. I would start there and see how it goes.....
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 4/17/2009 2:20:10 PM
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dianerene
Posts: 1686
Joined: 10/31/2006
Location: sunny so cal, usa
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oh wow, Kristalea, you have taken on an admirable job! good for you 
I agree with Christine, this is a time when both girls are going through some ever-changing hormones and emotions. Then, add that to a life change such as bringing you into their home ... probably a pretty confusing time, even if you are not the first nanny they have had.
when I worked in foster care I saw a lot of what you have described, and I found that if I could reach the older sister and get her to respect me, then the issues with the younger sister became less. even with sisters that don't get a long, they would tend to band together in trying to overturn the authority of the staff or foster parent.
I would suggest talking to the parents, not placing blame anywhere, because that will only make the girls less likely to respect you, but to set up a game plan with them. find out if there are certain restrictions you can set down when the girls disobey, like taking away tv time, or computer or phone time. also, ask for their support in these consequences because it won't take long to figure out that they can cry to mom and dad when they don't like what you are doing.
then, as far as the girls are concerned, be straight forward with them. let them know that you are there to do a job, not take the place of their parents or be their new best friend. it is okay to be upset with having to do a chore, but that there is an acceptable way of dealing with it, and there are unacceptable ways that will not be tolerated. I know with my own children, I sometimes have to make deals ... if they can focus themselves on doing the task at hand in a reasonable amount of time, then they can pick something that they want to do and I will put aside all my tasks in order to spend that time with them. I have found, that even my 17 year old enjoys finding things for us to do together, even though most of her requests are to do things outside of the home with her friends - lol. BUT, if they don't do what has been asked of them, there are consequences ... no friends over, no movie on friday night, no phone calls, etc. you have to find what is important to THEM and what will motivate them most.
keep in mind that your age can be a HUGE benefit in this situation. you are old enough to be authoritive, but still young enough to understand what they are going through. I started working in a group home at 19 and found I did my best in those early years.
good luck!!
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 6/17/2009 12:16:18 PM
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aterita
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Joined: 6/17/2009
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Liz, this is the attitude problem that most of the parents of teenagers face these days. Teens live in the world of their own, their likes dislikes, mood swings, behaviors are annoying at times. But teens who have behavior problems for longer time definitely need family based intervention. So that behavior problems don't get worse with passage of time or the teens get rebellious if the parents don't intervene properly. There are some programs like Home Intervention System that helps you deals with a wide range of problems that children often encounter including; anger, substance abuse, school issues, self-esteem, arguing, motivation, interacting with family, and more. No Parenting technique, approach, talk, or change on your part will work until your child is motivated to listen to and follow your directions. Most children don't lack the ability to obey their parents or follow rules, they simply lack the motivation to do so. The Home Intervention System was developed by administrators of schools and programs for struggling youth and has been adapted for home use. The Home Intervention System shows you how to motivate your teen to make changes just like they do in these schools and programs. The System utilizes a simple but powerful Attitude and Behavior Modification Program.
I hope this information helps, and wishes for you.
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 9/2/2009 7:14:21 PM
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Emily E.
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Joined: 9/2/2009
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Okay so i came across this post, by searching up Girl Drama on google.
This is my first post, and ive been here for all about..5 minutes. 
Im familiar with girl drama. Let me start off by saying... I have 3 girls currently. Im 34 & I have... Emerson (13) Elisha (7) Erin (4). Emerson who recently turned 13 is starting this attitude thing, and i do not like it! We just got out of the terrible twos with Erin, & Emerson is starting up on it! Epically when she has to repeat herself. Thats a BIG thing, or she is asked questions she has 'already answered' I remember when i was 13 trying to find my place in middle-school & i perfectly understand all the drama going on, but its not accepted. The drama epically!
She takes things a bit out of extreme. I just say "Emerson-whats the problem here?" and she just ignores me. I love her to death but i just want to knock some sense into her! I know every teenage girl needs their 'space'. When she is crying or upset i find it better to leave them alone, let them sit in their room until they are done venting & crying. Elisha is probably the one girl in this house who is done with the drama! Emerson & Erin must have inherited their emotional issues from me! Im a very emotional person, and get upset easy. But Elisha, im just like praise the lord!
But... with Erin & Emerson they are constantly bickering, and Erin is 4 and Emerson is 13! Thats basically a 9-10 year difference in age. I do not know where Erin OR Emerson is getting this little attitude of theirs, but i think its from school. Erin just started Preschool & I went on her first day and there were a couple girls with attitudes who were all "THATS MINE! DONT TOUCH!" or "NO IM FIRST" demanding. Their parents didn't say anything...i was shocked. I think girls of this age are just crazy emotional!! Its been getting ALOT better since Emerson finished up 7th grade and now is in 8th, i think she is a bit more mature. We havent had that many problems in the last week or two. But im not 100% sure its over. I love all the advice & im going to try to iforce it a bit more at home, its just i had parents who were WAY over protective & very very strict, I understand that you are your childs parent first & friend second. But i wish i could find a way to be both equally.
I want my daughters to love each other, & get along...actually all 5 of us get along. My husband Ethan is fed up with all the drama, being the only guy in the house. (Even our dog and cat are girls) I feel bad for him to, because he does not know how to help with Emerson,Elisha, & Erin's 'girl problems' he tries his best and gives wonderful advice...but he doesnt understand the girl mind as much as i do, because im a girl myself! Im rambling i know, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Emily&Eric
Parents of 3;
Emerson.Elisha.Erin
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 9/20/2009 3:08:51 PM
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fiery
Posts: 2827
Joined: 11/4/2007
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Hey there Emily, great to meet you! Welcome to Family Lobby. :) Wow, you have your hands full there eh! I had to smile because it reminded me so much of my own childhood. There was a big gap between my sisters and I, and our baby brother who came along much later too and man, did we bicker and squabble with him! I think a lot was jealousy on our part because he was the longed for boy my Dad had hoped for and he got a lot of attention with being the youngest. There's nine years between him and I too.
Maybe that could be part of it do you think? It's hard when you're a kid to see the reason they get is is because they're just not at the self-sufficient age older ones are, not because the adults think they're any more special than you are.
FWIW, my sister and I that were closest in age bickered all the time too (16 months between us). I think that's par for the course. No solutions for you LOL, I just wanted you to know it's normal.
And the less I say about those other parents' demanding kids the better. I hate that. Hang in there. We only fight occasionally now. In 40 years it'll be MUCH better.
Stay cool and keep us posted. Take on board some of what's been said already, talk it through with Dad so you're both on the same page about restricting privileges and how it's going to be dealt with , tell the kids what's going to happen if they don't straighten up and most importantly, FOLLOW THROUGH and stick to your guns. Good luck and don't be a stranger!
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The Cuckleburr Times
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart... - William Wordsworth
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RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude - 9/27/2009 7:22:10 PM
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Thelma
Posts: 98
Joined: 4/14/2009
Location: Michigan
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All I have to add is........I'M GLAD I'VE GOT ALL BOYS!
I remember so much bickering growing up with my two sisters, it was horrible.
I wish I had advice for you but I still fight with my younger sister. LOL I do hope you all find the ability to resist the urge to pull ALL your hair out. 
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