RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (Full Version)

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fiery -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (3/31/2010 8:46:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cary

My childrens friends and my family all concider me a somewhat strick parent, but my 14 year old daughter is becomming miss drama and attitude.  We have taken away all computers, cell phones, tv, friends, but she holds her ground yells and refuses to do anything we ask of her. She tells us "Stay out of my life dont ask questions and I will deal with things on my own". That is not an option! She spends most of her time in her room that only has a bed in it, refusing to do anything we ask. What more do i do?


Welcome to the Family Lobby community. I agree with Christine, cary.  I would also call her school and ask if there's been any issues they may have noticed such as acting out in class, uncharacteristic behavior or signs of bullying etc. Has this all been going on and built up over a long time or started suddenly?




cary -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (4/7/2010 5:31:57 PM)

I have talked to the school (not sure if i mentioned we moved to new school districe in dec) the guidence councelor has been talking with her and she says there is no bullying going on. Also she is not the type to put up with a bully she can handel that.  We have started going to counceling and hopefully that works. Her Dr. told me that she is just a very smart head strong teen and to hang in there. It is very hard to "hang in there" when no matter what her father or I ask of her turns into a fight. My mother always told me " I hope somday you have a daughter just like you" so I blame it on her lol.  Thank you for the kind words and help



fiery -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (4/13/2010 1:08:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: cary

I have talked to the school (not sure if i mentioned we moved to new school districe in dec) the guidence councelor has been talking with her and she says there is no bullying going on. Also she is not the type to put up with a bully she can handel that.  We have started going to counceling and hopefully that works. Her Dr. told me that she is just a very smart head strong teen and to hang in there. It is very hard to "hang in there" when no matter what her father or I ask of her turns into a fight. My mother always told me " I hope somday you have a daughter just like you" so I blame it on her lol.  Thank you for the kind words and help


LOL, cary, my mother said something similar to me because I was pretty headstrong as a kid. That's great advice from the dr. I feel your pain on every word becoming a fight. Heck, sometimes it's just a look, never mind a word! Take comfort in knowing it's not just you guys and keep us posted on how it's going please. You're welcome to hang out and chill with us anytime. :)



Mandyr76 -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (7/20/2010 7:46:26 AM)

Hi everyone. I am in need of some advice. I have tried police and social services but have got no-where. I have a 15 yr old daughter who will not listen to common sence, does not want to live here, and thinks she should be able to run her life how she wants too.
She has been caught bunking off from school, she has been caught 2x for stealing, she has had under age sex and basically uses our home as a b&b. I am at my wits end. She wants to leave home next year because as far as she is concerned my rules are pathetic and she is only here because she has to be.   I have grounded her for the above items and restricted all priviledges but I don't seem to be getting anywhere!!!
xxx



Mandyr76 -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (7/21/2010 12:42:04 PM)

I have been in touch with the school and there are no issues of bullying, she is disruptive in class and all this kicked off quite fast!! I have no idea why as she just shrugs her shoulders. I have been to seek some councelling for her tho which I hope will help. I cannot think of anything else that I can do!!!



fiery -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (7/31/2010 7:57:18 PM)

Hi Mandy, welcome to Family Lobby. :) As you can see from this thread you're not alone in this. I think the counseling will be a big help and it's a good time to get it. Can she even leave home at 16 where you live? I thought she would still be considered a minor at that age. If you can share what town and/or just the state you're in we may be able to find some resources.

It must be very hard to deal with this every day. Do you have a support system of your own close at hand, eg friends, church or family? You need to take care of yourself too in amongst all this.

What did the school suggest, anything? Hadn't they told you she was being disruptive in class before you contacted them? Surely they should have notified you of this.

Has she seen a dr recently? If she's having underage sex, she at least needs to be using contraception.

And what about the stealing and so on? Was that from you or a store? Have the police been involved at all? Just trying to get a bigger picture here.



donnalam -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (9/10/2010 12:11:58 PM)

Hi this is my first time on this website and I am glad to hear that other parents are having similar issues with their teenage daughters.

My daughter is 16yrs old and I am having similar issues with my daughter. I have always thought that we have been very close. I was a single mom until I married the man I had lived with on and off for 10 years. Her stepfather and I have been honest and upfront with her about sex, drugs, etc. Until September of 2009 I thought everything was going fine. I will admit having minor problems that we have sat down together and discussed as a family. September of last year a lot happened….. My husband and I found out I was pregnant. We shared the news with my daughter and close family. I was 40 at the time and wanted to make sure everything was going well with the pregnancy. During that month, I decided to start studying the bible with a friend that is a Jehovah Witness. My daughter started to attend the meetings and so did my husband. I thought everything in our lives was going well. Later that month or beginning of October, my husband dropped off my daughter at work after picking her up from school. She was giving him attitude when he picked her up and he wanted me to deal with it. When she arrived at my job, I realized that she was not her usual self. She did not want to talk so I told her to sit at a desk and do her homework. After I while I went to check on her and found her gone and a note on the desk. I started to look for her and found her outside by the entrance of the building talking to a friend and saying that she was leaving. I tried to talk to her and she would not listen…. She started walking away and I followed her… She walked and I followed for blocks. At the end of the night, I was able to get her home but she has never really said what happened to trigger her leaving. In November I lost the baby I was carrying. The baby never grew. All I had was an empty sac. [&:]

Since then, I have changed. I don’t know how to communicate with my daughter, I am very emotional and I feel overwhelmed. June of this year my husband was transferred to Maryland due to work so we moved with him. I thought this would be a new start for us. The move was pretty hard for all of us. We left our home, friends and family in Miami and moved to a state where we know no one. During the summer I tried to motivate her to go out, get to know the area but most summer she spent locked in the house.

She started school about two weeks ago. So I have been trying to get her active. She is a pretty good student; she takes a few honor classes. She speaks to us about her goals for college which time and time again she says that she will be leaving to go to college out of Maryland. Back to Miami.

I think I am honest with myself about her faults and strengths. These are the things I don’t know how to help her change.
1. She helps around the house after being asked numerous times most of the time. How can I have her help around the house and clean her room without me getting frustrated and her getting angry that I keep nagging.
2. She recently has told me that she does not want to continue to attend the weekly religious meetings we attend. She says that she does not believe in that religion. How can I get her to attend meetings again? Forcing her will not work. She says she will not attend.
3. How can I get her to be more motivated to do other extracurricular activities besides watching TV or texting or MySpace/Facebook? I recently enrolled her in an Explorer program and she will start Ballet next week. I’m hoping this will give her structure and help her have confidence in herself.
4. When I talk to her at times she gives me attitude, rolls the eyes, and/or does not answer me. If I say something she does not want to hear she will say “I know mom!!!”
5. I have issues with the way she dresses. Due to my genes, she has large breasts and in the past year (especially during the summer) she has gained weight. She does not want to admit that she needs bigger shirts. Her current shirts are too tight around the breasts. I buy larger sizes and she refuses to wear them so I return them and refuse to purchase smaller sizes. My husband refuses to go out with her if she is not dressed appropriately. I’m pretty sure she has self-esteem issues.
6. Boy crazy. Seems like all her friends are boys…. House rule is that she is not to leave the house when she is by herself or let anyone in. Beginning of this year, my husband and I left her home and when we came back an hour later, she was outside the house speaking to a “boy”. Someone she had broken up with a few weeks before. She was punished (phone privilege taken away, iPod, computer only for school work). I don’t let her date on her own. If she wants to go out with a boy I need to meet with them and I chaperone on their “date”. I also take her to the movies or mall when she wants to meet with her friends. Making sure that I am not far from the area.
7. Friends…. She seems to look for friends that are my husband and I don’t consider good (academically or emotionally).
8. She is very stubborn and thinks that she is tough. Most of the time she hides her emotions and she rarely cries.

I have tried to take her to a therapist. The first time I took her, was after she ran away. I took her without telling her. She refused to speak to the therapist and got really angry at me for taking her. After that, my husband and I started to see a marriage therapist to deal with our emotions and problems. One day I took her with me on a solo meeting with the therapist (my daughter was caught outside the house speaking to a boy, breaking house rules so I took her everywhere with me) the therapist asked her to come in and she did but afterwards said that I did that on purpose (which I did not). My relationship with my husband is strained; my relationship with my daughter is strained most of the time. I feel helpless and too emotional to speak to her. I am afraid of losing her. I feel that I can’t find a way to help my daughter find the right path. Sorry about the length of this. [;)]



xozeluj -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (10/26/2010 1:59:54 PM)

Hi Donna!

How are you. My name is Julie Mendell. I was a terrible daughter to my mother growing up I am now 21 years old. I was very defiant, I told her I hated her about every day and cursed at her all the time. One thing I always had was good morals for the most part. I never did drugs or anything that I knew would hurt my body and always strived to be healthy. I started to study with Jehovah's Witnesses when I was 15 years old. Since always wanting to do what's best for myself I knew studying was definitely going to be a top priority. I mainly started studying because I was afraid of Armageddon, Catholics believe the earth will literally be destroyed. I'm not sure how long you have been studying with witnesses but you come to know that the bible does not say that at all. Knowing that made me want to study more. My studies and growing my relationship with Jehovah helped me a lot. It helped me to appreciate God and made me want to please him. So I then found that my relationship with my mother also started to change and it got a lot better.

Do you know why your daughter doesn't want to study anymore? Is it because of the children at school are they making fun of her? Is it because it is too hard for her to follow being a young girl? I totally understand that. Could it be her bible teacher maybe she needs a different teacher that better fits her personality I'm not sure. But what I am sure about is the power the bible has over peoples lives. It helps us to understand there is more to life and helps us to want to live the best life we can. Maybe I can talk to your daughter to see why she doesn't want to study, tell her a little of my history and past and why I am where I am now. I'd be willing to do that.

I know that the bible is the best way to have a person change for the better.

I am going to school to be a math teacher for middle school age students. I am also currently a nanny for middle school aged girls and I understand how to deal with their personalities. Look up authoritative parenting and do research on that. It will help you to see what the best type of parenting is through research studies and why and hopefully that will also help towards dealing with your daughter. I am in a rush to pick up the girls and my head is kind of in a fog today so I am sorry if I sound a little all over the place but I hope I can help you :).

Sincerely,
Julie Mendell



jjames -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (7/8/2011 9:23:01 AM)

Always think that girls tend to be more sensitive creatures especially teenagers, Though they tend to also be more mature and they go through changes fater than men. If that was the case, you may want to send your daughter into a juvenile type camp or bootcamp for her recovery.



shell00739 -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (12/2/2011 8:27:51 AM)

I have not raised my daughter since she was 10 years old, now she is 14 and my mother has kicked her out. She is very, very spoiled, disrespectful, defiant , arguing and things she is entitle to everything. How do I change what my mother has done. I know its the age and everything, but my mother gave her everything. HELP



jjames -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (12/4/2011 7:41:52 AM)

well with my kids - they are teens and pre- teens, i generally let them work it out themselves, unless it is a big issue. I think that way they will be more prepared in later life, they won't have to run to mommy or whoever to settle things.

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ChristineB -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (12/5/2011 10:20:46 AM)

Hi shell, I'm a little confused. Can you clarify? It sounds like your mother has had your daughter for 4 years? And now she is back and you are not pleased with how she has turned out?



skyblue -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (1/19/2012 1:13:58 AM)

i am a teenage girl and i feel bad about being so rude to my parent how can i stop[&:][&:]



skyblue -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (1/19/2012 1:15:45 AM)

i am a teenage girls what can i do to make it stop
plz help



Monroe -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (3/17/2012 6:45:52 AM)

Hello,

At the moment, my family and I are having real trouble with my 15 year old sister. She is an absolute nightmare! She screams, she has a dreadful attitude and recently she has over-stepped the line.

I know you're probably thinking "normal teenage behaviour: moody, attitude and so on" but this is different! I am 18 and have never been through the "hormonal phase", however I think that my sister must have my hormones aswell as her own as this is OTT behaviour.

She has recently told her school that she fears coming home because she is scared that Dad will hit her or something. The school has called up the police and we have had the police round our house questioning our parents and making sure that my sister is alright. This has got out of hand.
I know my Dad and you can not find a more peaceful, gentle man. He would NEVER hit my sister, or myself, or anyone for that matter. But since my sister has been telling lies, things have been getting around and it has become ridiculous.
Last night she was dreadful, I never lose my temper however last night I saw red and I slapped her across the face. Now I NEVER EVER hit my sister. Most siblings do hit each other but I have never used physical violence. Verbal yes but never physical!! She had it coming though, and I suppose that it is better it came from me than from my parents.

The atmosphere at home is like hell. My mum is crying all the time, my dad is terribly upset as he is now watched by the police. Everytime anyone tries to talk to my sister she tells them to "Piss off" or "**** off" and then she screams and loses it for no reason what so ever! She has also tried to run away a few times, and when she has told people about this she says that my mum packed her suitcase and kicked her out, which is a load of rubbish. She overreacts, exagerates and is just the worst little madame ever!

None of us know what to do. We are scared of what she might do or say to people. It's getting dangerous and personnally I am frightened.

Please help!!
Monroe.




Smax -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (4/10/2012 10:17:53 PM)

I am a grandparent that doesn't have custody, my son does, and am helping to or almost raising a 14 year old teen girl with my wife. The mother has been in and out of life. Drugs bad choices in men and such. Father, our son, lives in another state where he works. We have been raising our grand daughter most of her 14 years providing support and stability.

Now we have some big problems with attitude and such. No respect. Won't sit and discuss anything. We have rules but try to allow freedom with limits. School is starting to have grade problems but she makes almost A s except in a couple subjects.

My wife suffered a brain bleed a few years ago and has problems with control. Her mother recently suffered a brain bleed at age 84 perfect health until now. She doesn't know how to be a patient or ailing older person. Not handling this well.

Our grand daughter won't talk to us. Short blast of talk with a lot of attitude which she states she talks to everyone this way. She has not lied to us directly but we are having increasing problems having any productive interaction.

She just wants to be at her friends. She doesn't want to move with her father. But she complains that he doesn't spend any time with her but when he around, she stays in her room and doesn't interact.

I had her somewhat active in Church but she wanted to go to another church where the youth had a different program. I didn't interfere. I thought any church is better than non at all. It is not a fringe church it is main stream so I am not concerned even though I don't follow their believes directly.

We have supported every activity over the years. Traveling softball all over two states. Now she acts like she embarrassed if we even sit quietly in the stands.

I am 60, disabled with a spinal infection that has left me in pain and limited on activity. Wife is 55 and still working with minor difficulty. We have 5 grand children ragging from 22 to 2. I am grand daddy day care for the 2 year old girl and 5 year old boy who start school next year. Part of my world revolves around these two and they want to be with me and ask to spend the night often. I watch these two almost 10 hours each week day while mom and dad work. Both parents are active in their children an adoptive children. None of us refer to her as adoptive to anyone in talking.

The grand kids are split between two sons. One has four and the other has the 14 year old living with us. The 22 year old has a mother who doesn't support her emotionally. Our son adopted the 22 year old many years ago. Divorced eight years ago. Has one 13 son with same mother. The 22 year old calls us almost every time she contacts her maternal mother crying because of the way she is treated and no support. Our son is also supportive. Financially and emotionally to her. She would have no support at all without us. Her other grand parents are not supportive.

The other grand parents on our daughter-in-law, do not support their daughter. They have only been to one birthday party or Christmas in 5 years. Don't visit daughter but daughter visit and takes child to their home went allowed.

We disicpline all with love but try to be fair. We use discussion when available. Loss of electronic when needed. loss of activity when necessary. Rarely spank even 2 year old. WE try not to over do. We always remind them after wards that we love them.

live for the family but this is taking its toll. I have given a lot for a first posting. Any Ideas.




hersh0501 -> RE: Teenage girls, drama and attitude (5/18/2012 10:38:11 AM)

That age bracket among girls are one of the most complicated years that we must handle.



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