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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 1/12/2011 10:50:33 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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Well, let's see, I have been married to my husband for 5 years now. The first year was horrible, he had 2 kids, one was 4 and the other 1 1/2. He saw them once a week and every other weekend. I got pregnant and his ex-wife lost it.Knocking down the door at 1 a.m. texting him horrible messages,calling him everything in the book. Making him get everything for the kids, even though he was paying 700 a month child support. After our 2nd year together, my husband fought her for custody and won. She has moved 7 times, been married and divorced within a month and has now moved out of state. She still threatens to take him back to court and get custody of the kids, and has lied in court and even brought her friends in to lie. It kills me because she is bi-polar with border line personality disorder and won't take medication, has not paid child support in 6 months, has not done anything, but get the kids every other weekend and still believes that she is going to take him back to court and get back full custody...

Tink

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 1/12/2011 11:31:26 AM   
fiery


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Ugh, what an unpleasant situation to be dealing with, Tink. It must be very stressful to have that constantly hanging over you. I'm surprised the courts didn't see through her when she brought in people to lie on her behalf. Can't the weekend visits be halted if she's not paying the child support? I thought that was what happened. That's got to be hard on everyone.

Welcome to Family Lobby btw! We're glad to have you here. Please keep posting!

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 4/30/2011 1:03:02 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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No matter how much you want to be a peacekeeper, DON'T!!! There is a difference between peacekeeper and a peacemaker. When their ex has a personality disorder get her away from your spouse, children and yourself no matter what, keep your foot down. Do not let youself be fooled by the kindness act and that you can be "friends" and that she is only around because it's more peaceful for the children. In reality that is actually the worst option, because the children will always have a false hope their parents will reunite, even if involved in a new realtionship. Be cordial and polite for the children, that is all! Nothing more and nothing less. If this makes the children furious let it, because they already are. No matter how they try to convince you otherwise. Remember, she is their mother and that is who they will ultimately side with even when they know she is wrong. Especially, if she has children convinced their father had affairs and abused her and that is why she had to leave their marriage. They will never see the truth. That she wouldn't work at caring of her family and spent money excessively. As the wife and stepmom it is a responsibility to be the peacemaker. Expecting your husband to cut her out of his life when their are children involved is a near impossible task for him, out of fear of loosing them and that children need their mother. Especially, when she constantly utilizes the children to manipulate in her favor. This is a weapon she will always utilize. Either your husband will be grateful or despise your actions. If he doesn't want the conflict? Then you need to accept that his children are first in his life at any cost and the ex will always have the upper hand because of his love for his children. In this situation run for your life. Unfortunately, my husband and I allowed her to be a part of the family in the pretence of being peacekeepers. Unfortunatly, when my husband deceased is when I realized this ex was playing games all along. At the funeral this ex wife absolutely disrespected my griefing and loss, she actually was flaunting around funeral trying to draw attention to herself as the griefing party. She has herself, her friends and their children beleiving that he always wanted her back and in reality it was her that wanted him back! I had so many of his family and friends questioning her presence. I realized that this ex was out to make sure he would never have a new happy life. This exwife was making such a mochary of his memory by convincing herself that he always wanted her and they had children together. Stand up for your marriage even if the stepchildren despise you because they are going to anyway no matter what you do, down deep inside they always want Mom and Dad together, even if it had been years since divorce. The new wife will always be viewed as the other women and it will always be your fault their parents aren't together. I see now that my husband was desperate for a relationship with his children and just couldn't put his ex in her place. We had tried and she would always come back begging forgiveness for her actions and as peacekeepers we fell for her tactics. Since, his passing all the special moments she stole from us and still after his death trying to live as she is the griefing widow through (you guessed it) her children. In griefing for my spouse, I have woke up to her. After all these years, but now it's to late to defend our marriage and the stepchildren don't even consider my situation. So, there it is all the sacrifices we made for peace.

Smurfette

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  Post #: 23
RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 4/30/2011 10:13:14 PM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

No matter how much you want to be a peacekeeper, DON'T!!! There is a difference between peacekeeper and a peacemaker. When their ex has a personality disorder get her away from your spouse, children and yourself no matter what, keep your foot down. Do not let youself be fooled by the kindness act and that you can be "friends" and that she is only around because it's more peaceful for the children. In reality that is actually the worst option, because the children will always have a false hope their parents will reunite, even if involved in a new realtionship. Be cordial and polite for the children, that is all! Nothing more and nothing less. If this makes the children furious let it, because they already are. No matter how they try to convince you otherwise. Remember, she is their mother and that is who they will ultimately side with even when they know she is wrong. Especially, if she has children convinced their father had affairs and abused her and that is why she had to leave their marriage. They will never see the truth. That she wouldn't work at caring of her family and spent money excessively. As the wife and stepmom it is a responsibility to be the peacemaker. Expecting your husband to cut her out of his life when their are children involved is a near impossible task for him, out of fear of loosing them and that children need their mother. Especially, when she constantly utilizes the children to manipulate in her favor. This is a weapon she will always utilize. Either your husband will be grateful or despise your actions. If he doesn't want the conflict? Then you need to accept that his children are first in his life at any cost and the ex will always have the upper hand because of his love for his children. In this situation run for your life. Unfortunately, my husband and I allowed her to be a part of the family in the pretence of being peacekeepers. Unfortunatly, when my husband deceased is when I realized this ex was playing games all along. At the funeral this ex wife absolutely disrespected my griefing and loss, she actually was flaunting around funeral trying to draw attention to herself as the griefing party. She has herself, her friends and their children beleiving that he always wanted her back and in reality it was her that wanted him back! I had so many of his family and friends questioning her presence. I realized that this ex was out to make sure he would never have a new happy life. This exwife was making such a mochary of his memory by convincing herself that he always wanted her and they had children together. Stand up for your marriage even if the stepchildren despise you because they are going to anyway no matter what you do, down deep inside they always want Mom and Dad together, even if it had been years since divorce. The new wife will always be viewed as the other women and it will always be your fault their parents aren't together. I see now that my husband was desperate for a relationship with his children and just couldn't put his ex in her place. We had tried and she would always come back begging forgiveness for her actions and as peacekeepers we fell for her tactics. Since, his passing all the special moments she stole from us and still after his death trying to live as she is the griefing widow through (you guessed it) her children. In griefing for my spouse, I have woke up to her. After all these years, but now it's to late to defend our marriage and the stepchildren don't even consider my situation. So, there it is all the sacrifices we made for peace.

Smurfette


Smurfette, I'm sorry for your loss. Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I'm horrified at how his ex has behaved at the funeral and from then on. That's shocking. Maybe the stepchildren will come to see through her eventually too. I guess they are also grieving and it's hard sometimes to see things clearly when you are. Obviously you weren't the only one to see her behavior for what it was when friends and family were questioning her presence...for the moment forget about the kids and her, and lean on those friends and family. I bet they would be happy to support you if you'd just give them the chance. I'm really sorry you had all that upset on top of losing your husband and I'm sure your true friends, and his, know what she's saying is nonsense. You take care of yourself and don't let her get to you (((hugs))).  Hope we see you around here more.



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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 8/7/2011 4:04:23 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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I have been married to my husband for 2 years and his ex will not leave us alone. We met online and she sends emails and calls all day. i have changed my number 6 times in the last 6 months, yes having it unlisted.She wants him back, they have a 3 yr old daughter, I am ready to walk away!!

hedaches

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 8/17/2011 12:51:46 PM   
simon01

 

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Because of some miss under standing my wife divorce me but she won't leave me alone she love me a lot and she want to again marry with me, But i am confused what i am do? 

_____________________________

in home care

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 8/17/2011 10:28:25 PM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

I have been married to my husband for 2 years and his ex will not leave us alone. We met online and she sends emails and calls all day. i have changed my number 6 times in the last 6 months, yes having it unlisted.She wants him back, they have a 3 yr old daughter, I am ready to walk away!!<br><br>hedaches


So who keeps giving her the unlisted number? Not much point in having it unlisted if it's going to be handed out. And her emails can easily be blocked, so why are they getting through?

If she's being nasty in her communications, she's breaking the law. Tell her you'll report her to her ISP for cyberstalking and to her phone provider for harassing calls if she continues. They'll soon put a stop to it. EVERY state has laws against it.

quote:

Cyberstalking. Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet, email or other electronic communications to stalk, and generally refers to a pattern of threatening or malicious behaviors. Cyberstalking may be considered the most dangerous of the three types of Internet harassment, based on a posing credible threat of harm. Sanctions range from misdemeanors to felonies.

Cyberharassment. Cyberharassment differs from cyberstalking in that it is generally defined as not involving a credible threat. Cyberharassment usually pertains to threatening or harassing email messages, instant messages, or to blog entries or websites dedicated solely to tormenting an individual. Some states approach cyberharrassment by including language addressing electronic communications in general harassment statutes, while others have created stand-alone cyberharassment statutes.


Read more here: http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=13495

Why isn't your husband putting a stop to it? Is it just you she's contacting, him or both? The more detail you give, the more we can help you. And who's got custody of the daughter currently, what's going on in that area?

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 10/11/2011 10:11:55 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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Simon....you need to move on. This is the very reason exes are going to cause huge problems if you don't draw boundaries somewhere.

N

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 10/30/2011 11:56:46 PM   
angelicaB

 

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I understand his ex-wife. She just need support for her own child. Its hard for the second wife to manage this problem but just be patient.

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 11/7/2011 6:13:52 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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My husband's exwife of seven years ago still calls occasionally for odd things. He has three children, the youngest being almost sixteen. His children are wonderful and I have no problem with her talking to my husband about issues and parenting. My home is where he can be close and in constant contact with his children as they need their father and to keep current on child support. My problem is that she has called, as one example, to drop offf a dog to the vet that was not their's together to have it spade. If was their's together while married I could understand. Another example was 45 minute call on my day off with him to spout off about things that were going wrong. He feels very guilty about her health issues over the past 13 years. He says he loves her and will do anything to help her but is not in love with her. He is a helper and kind man but I feel he puts me as an equal to everyone else. We have been together for seven years and married for five months. What do I do?

Pat

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 11/10/2011 7:04:57 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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I am going through this same thing right now and am trying to be patient, but it is driving me crazy at times. My husband's ex-wife called him yesterday and talked for and hour about her health problems. I have no issue with her calling to discuss the kids or financial issues such as child support or splitting costs of things for the kids, but when she just wants to talk to him about her personal stuff it really bothers me. She is remarried. Isnt that what her new husband is for? She is the one that initiated the divorce, but cant seem to let go now five years later. We've been married for one year and I am really hoping this will get better as time goes on. My husband doesnt really like the calls, but doesnt want to be rude to her and create a hostile situation which will effect the kids. She is very spiteful if she doesnt get her way. Can someone please tell me how to make this situation better?????

lisab

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 11/11/2011 12:12:17 AM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

I am going through this same thing right now and am trying to be patient, but it is driving me crazy at times. My husband's ex-wife called him yesterday and talked for and hour about her health problems. I have no issue with her calling to discuss the kids or financial issues such as child support or splitting costs of things for the kids, but when she just wants to talk to him about her personal stuff it really bothers me. She is remarried. Isnt that what her new husband is for? She is the one that initiated the divorce, but cant seem to let go now five years later. We've been married for one year and I am really hoping this will get better as time goes on. My husband doesnt really like the calls, but doesnt want to be rude to her and create a hostile situation which will effect the kids. She is very spiteful if she doesnt get her way. Can someone please tell me how to make this situation better?????<br><br>lisab



Yes, that's what her new husband's for, you're right. He doesn't need to be her sounding board nor should let her use him like that, because she's purely doing it because she can I suspect. She probably knows it annoys you so he's not to give her the pleasure of confirming that.

Really he needs to stop being so nice. She's manipulating him. He could tell her that he's happy to discuss anything to do with the kids at length but has no wish to know about her personal life. He should be telling her exactly what you said: that that's between her and her husband. He needs to break the habit though, because she never will, and get more distance between him and her.

Get an answering machine. Or when she calls, he needs to always be in the middle of something (a TV show, a meal, a conversation with YOU etc) or just on the way out or coming in...whatever it is, he needs to make it clear he can only chat a few minutes if it becomes clear it's personal stuff and not about the kids. He's not expected to make himself freely available for an hour when she feels like interrupting your home life just because she's his ex! I'd be very annoyed about that too. And it's not going to affect the kids if he does it calmly and is perfectly straight with her. Would her husband like it if yours was calling her up and doing the same thing? In fact, does he even know she does that?? She sounds a bit nutty to me.

Just don't discuss it in front of the kids so they can't relay back to her how much it annoys you, intentionally or unintentionally. The spiteful types thrive on that kind of thing. If he starts cutting down the call time, she'll soon tire of messing with him. Think of it as dropping a friend you've grown out of because you have nothing in common anymore. They get the message eventually.

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 12/3/2011 8:53:48 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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my husbands ex has destroyed our marriage and its his fault too.n He is the enabler

lost

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 12/8/2011 5:16:22 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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seems like there are many women who love to hang on to their old ex- in my case, they have no children but she seems to be a "madmosille in distress" all the time. I am certainly leaving him behind, he is a good man.. and not a "******" to me.. but certainly a "****** to her" as He does everything she asks for. Yes I tired of the ****! Into new horizons!!! for sure!!!Not so lonely anymore, since i see lot of us are on the same dilemma...<br><br>seeing clearly



Edited for language. Please remember this is a family friendly site. - Admin.

< Message edited by fiery -- 12/8/2011 9:47:21 PM >

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 12/12/2011 7:00:42 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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My man's ex wife is so lazy. When they were married he made a great living. Than right before the divorce he fell into so hard times and sold everything he could to provide and she did nothing wouldn't sell anything to help her own kids instead right now her and the kids are living in a house with no heat but she has a closet full of diamonds and fur. This is making me so angry that a person could be so selfish. I feel like this might break up my relationship. What to do?I need help.

mounmoune

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 1/29/2012 7:42:36 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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my guy, his ex wife doesnt understand its about the child and nothing more. she wants to call and chit chat about everything other then the child. he knows and he is trying so hard. he emailed her and told her that she is only to email him unless its an emergency with the child. no matter what he says or does she wont stop. what do we do now???

port saint lucie, fl

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 1/30/2012 9:20:51 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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My husband's ex constantly emails him calling me ugly names and asking questions about our lives. She also emails him with dumb questions. They have 2 adult children and he has told her that unless it involves them, dont contact him, but she still does. I am at my wits end and want it to stop!

Stephanie

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 2/1/2012 12:56:12 AM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

My husband's ex constantly emails him calling me ugly names and asking questions about our lives. She also emails him with dumb questions. They have 2 adult children and he has told her that unless it involves them, dont contact him, but she still does. I am at my wits end and want it to stop!<br><br>Stephanie


If the children are adults, they can get in touch with him themselves. Why is he even answering her? That only gives her what she wants: attention. Get him to block her emails from his inbox so they go straight to the trash can and not even open them. You can also report her to her ISP for her behavior if she's being abusive. They'll soon shut her down. All you need do is send them one of her emails and complain. They don't like their networks being used in that manner. You can also bring in the authorities. It's called cyberharrassment and there are laws against it.

http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/telecommunications-information-technology/cyberstalking-cyberharassment-and-cyberbullying-l.aspx

Your husband has to stop telling her anything. Ignore the emails and any phone calls. Get a machine. She'll soon tire of it if she's not getting any response. The worst thing you can do is reply to her in any way shape or form. Your husband is the weak link here in allowing her to open the door to communication every time. Slam it shut. Your lives are none of her business. Good luck!

< Message edited by fiery -- 2/1/2012 12:57:39 AM >

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RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 2/12/2012 3:57:41 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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My boyfriends seperated for 15 yrs and his ex has alot of pull and they contact often. They have 3 grown sons. If something happens that she feels hes in the wrong he gets ragged out over the phone and his father is involved at times too (hes living wit his dad now). At xmas my bf and I were suppose to go to his son's dinner party to meet his son and girlfriend and the date was mixedup by texting so we missed it. His ex called and gave him hell (he is someone to break promises as hes an alcoholic)....and he was sucking up to her more than he would for me (yet Im the one who should feel upset as Im the one who missed out at the party! So she went in OUR place and was very mad about it. I feel to email her to tell her shes no longer married to him and to budout-but his mom is dying so its a bad time. She doesnt seem to know boundaries but then again neither does he and shes always hanging wtih his parents when she really should not be since they split 15 yrs ago.......

Janice

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  Post #: 39
RE: She Won’t Leave Him Alone! Coping With the Ex-Wife - 2/12/2012 6:28:48 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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The kids are 31, 28 and 26! Shes also always at his parents place and is very close to his mom. But the problem is his side too, he calls her often too but I never know what is being said its behind my back! I was at his dads yesterday and noted she called from 3 different lines-she is mad at him because he got drunk with his sons while his mom is so sick in hospital. It really its not him, they are old enough to m ake a decision right or wrong. And later last night he was a bit drunk and he said i was jealous of her and kind of laughed. Do u feel I have the right to email her and tell her to back off?? I had to do this 2 times since we met.........

Janice

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