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How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 7/20/2009 7:47:09 AM
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ArticlePost
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There is probably not one person reading this who, at one time or another, has not contemplated a divorce. It happens to all of us. As we go through the seasons of our marriage there are times of bliss and love plus times of hurt and frustration. Usually love and good days outnumber the bad and we s
How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over
http://articles.familylobby.com/373-How-Do-You-Know-If-A-Marriage-Is-Really-Over.htm
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 7/20/2009 7:47:09 AM
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ArticlePost
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Right now my wife and I are seperated but living in the same house. We've been married for a little over 8 months and we've hit a road block. Our marriage is failing due to the lack of communication between the two of us. She has another man in her life who is caught up in his own struggle, loving his girl friend but wanting to have my wife to. He doesn't want to lose either one and he knows he'll have to hurt one or the other. I feel he's riding this out until it eventually blows up which he obviously thinks will never happen. My wife feels like she's trapped and never does anything for herself, so now shes doing it. Yet at the same time now she's moved on to doing things for him, putting herself in the same situation just with another man. Its funny how the world works, no matter how much you wanna change you still end up resorting back to your same old habits. The communication problem is the route of all evil and is why all the little things tend to pile up and weigh each other down. I want to make this work and I've begun fixing the things that I used to do so wrong but at the same time I feel as if she has already let go. I'm beginning to think she is only putting herself through this situation because of the financial ties we have with each other. I love my wife more than anything in the whole world, she feels she's put enough into trying to fix what we have but that was before everything caved in on us. Now it feels as if she doesn't even want to fix anything, as if she just wants to move on and continue the new road she's find. I feel its running from your problems, whether or not we work I just want her to try to come to an honest resolution instead of letting other things or people decide our fate. Now that we are both feeling the way we feel and know whats going on, its best that we try to come to a resolution because dragging this on is only windiling the soul. I know this is more of a post for the article but I just felt as if I needed to get my word out.
Eric
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 9/29/2009 8:11:23 PM
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ArticlePost
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May I suggest watching the movie Fireproof and doing the course behind it. Marriage is a lifelong covenant with God and our spouses. We have to fight for what God put together or else the enemy will sneak in and destroy it. Fireproof is an awesome eye opener to marriage. Even when you feel as if there is no hope - there is! Pray, believe and trust in God to redeem and restore your marriage!
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 11/8/2009 6:16:19 PM
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ArticlePost
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hi, I have been married for four years. However things have took a turn for the worst. My husband went and got him self in financial debt. However, he is not able to fill his obligation as far as paying the rent. Therefore, I stepped in and started paying all the bills. However, he went and got a cellphone which he has to pay sixty dollars a month. I informed him that he will have to pick his obligation of paying rent again the first of the year. I did not get married to have to pay all the bills. I make a good salary. He does not have a formal education. I have tried to get him to go back and get his GED. He starts but he never completes it. We fight often physically and verbally. It has gotten to the point that I always threaten him with divorcement. He is jealous of my friends and frequently accuses me of sleeping with my boss. He is miserable but seems to be sticking around because he is not stable. He has child support; car note and other expenses. I am really just feed up with him riding on my coat tail.
Pamela
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 11/10/2009 2:23:17 PM
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ChristineB
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Hi Pamela,
It sounds like you both are unhappy. The easy advice is to be happy. If leaving is what makes you happy than do it, life is far too short to stay with someone who you consider to be less than you and someone who is riding on your coat tails.
_____________________________
The Traveling Pendant
My Mom's dying wish....
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 12/14/2009 3:18:20 PM
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ArticlePost
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We seem to live in a world where everything is disposable, even our marriages. When each of us took our marriage vows, we made a covenant with our spouses before God. We need to start seeing this covenant as serious and work and pray with all our heart and soul to save our marriages. Marriges are not disposable contracts. I know that at times certain things happen in our marriages that are very painful but God calls on us to forgive each other as He forgives us each and every day. This does not mean we are to be door mats but with prayer we can find forgiveness in our hearts. There are too many of us who are willing to dispose of our spouses at the first sign on trials. Whatever happened to "until death do us part" and "for better or worse?"
Janet
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 5/8/2010 7:25:57 AM
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ArticlePost
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i have been married for over 8 months now. my husband and i have one 9 months old baby girl,to be honest when i met my husband he was very kind and listen to everything i said and wanted,but now he mostly disrespect what i say he puts his mother first between us yet his mother is such a pain in my heart its like as if she first wife and im second she wants to know everything that happens in our life anyways thanks god she is now in canada for the nxt one month,when there is small problem my husband he so arogant calling me stupid,crazy,sick disrespectful and im so feedup that its better i die that seing is face.. i loved him but now my love for him has turn into verry deep hate that even when we have sex i just feel him hurting me instead ,,my love for him is gone completely,but when i think of living i think of my baby then i stay saying to myself life for me is over and now its only try my best to be alive for my child and watch her grow..i dont love any one i feel that i will never love anyone in my life...im powerless and very down because im in foreign country and have no one to defend me incase i want a diforce and taking my chil with me and im afraid to let go of my baby...im so sad and living life in darkest whole whereby im locked in and just cant get out,i dont even know what happiness is anymore ......
nina
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 5/8/2010 8:55:03 PM
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fiery
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nina, I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Please, don't be despondent. Can you go and see a doctor? You need professional help when you're so low. If that's not possible, you could contact http://www.befrienders.org/ . They have offices worldwide and are trained to help people feeling as you do.
Some of your feelings could be related to post partum depression too. It's very common to get depressed after you have a baby. I'm not saying the way your husband is treating you wouldn't add to that because of course it would. I'm saying it could be on top of that and some of it may be treatable with medication. You're obviously going through a very hard time just now with so much to deal with and I can't imagine how you must feel. Just please keep talking. I'm not a professional nor can I offer any answers but I can listen.
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 6/5/2010 4:00:22 PM
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ArticlePost
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Eric, you need to hold your wife accountable. I commend you for hanging on so long, but believe me, you are doing her no favors by "playing house" while she plays around. In her eyes, this is not a marriage, it's just a game.
Sue
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 6/27/2010 8:51:45 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband hates my daughter. She is 18 years old and is a great kid no drugs, drinking, comes home at the right time. Is going to college to become a lawyer. He wants me to choose between them. He wants to tell her off so she never returns to our house. What pain. I have also been in a sexless marriage almost since day one three years ago when we married. The night before our wedding he said he did not want to romantically kiss me and I thought he was playing coil for our wedding night. He was from the UK and I now believe I was his ticket over here
Roxy
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 6/28/2010 7:58:53 PM
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fiery
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No offense, Roxy but I can't see why that would be a hard choice. Dump his butt and don't let him come between you and your daughter. If he loved you like a real husband he would never ask you to choose between him and your child. He sounds very insecure. You don't need to spend the rest of your life in this loveless marriage. Your daughter's only 18 which makes you much too young to just settle for how it is now. She's a good girl by the sounds of it. He's the problem, not her.
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 7/6/2010 12:00:50 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband and I are fighting terribly. We had an agrument last week where I have been feeling anger towards him and I expressed those feelings to him which he was hurt in hearing. After that he took me to my favorite place we had a really good time. 1 day later the night before my birthday he went to his mother's house because his cousin came from out of state. He spend the night there. I did not receive a phone call. He did not come home until 9:30 a.m for my birthday and did not apologize, he said he did nothing wrong that he was at his mom's house and hasn't seen his family in a long time. The day for my birthday he had his entire family over our house not for my birthday but just to hang out. I did not speak to anyone. I took my kids and went to my mom's house. The next morning he lit a cake for me infront the kids and walked away. I am very hurt because he did not even apologize for not being home to wake up next to me for my birthday, he did not acknowlegde my birthday in any way. he gave me a card that he just signed his name too. AM I wrong?
Brenda
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 8/5/2010 1:37:24 AM
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ArticlePost
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A few years back, I got sick with congestive heart failure and the doctor told me that I couldn't go back to work. I took the necessary steps for disability to kick in, which it did, so as to provide for my family (wife and son). Since then, she has gone out with her friends, sometime until the crack of dawn, leaving me and my son alone. Sometimes, she takes my son and leaves him somewhere else, seperating me from my son over night. When she comes in, she is drunk, and falls asleep. We have not consemated our marriage for over a year. Later on this morning, I go into family court to try and get custody of my son, whom she has had with her since she tricked me into leaving the home to try and take a brake so we can calm down and talk about things; she has filled his head with lies and now he is confused as to where he wants to be, after telling me of his own omission, of his own free will, and also has told his mother, that he wants to live with me in North Carolina. She showers him with gifts and gives him lies about me, and now he is confused. I feel that I may lose him. I am preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. I am financially not capable of getting a lawyer, and her family has provided her with one. My son loves me and I love him. He desires to be with me, and I have to face the system by myself. He will do fine with me and she knows this, but I feel that she wants to just hurt me over andover again and again with this. What can I do?
Matt
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 8/6/2010 7:24:03 PM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
My husband and I are fighting terribly. We had an agrument last week where I have been feeling anger towards him and I expressed those feelings to him which he was hurt in hearing. After that he took me to my favorite place we had a really good time. 1 day later the night before my birthday he went to his mother's house because his cousin came from out of state. He spend the night there. I did not receive a phone call. He did not come home until 9:30 a.m for my birthday and did not apologize, he said he did nothing wrong that he was at his mom's house and hasn't seen his family in a long time. The day for my birthday he had his entire family over our house not for my birthday but just to hang out. I did not speak to anyone. I took my kids and went to my mom's house. The next morning he lit a cake for me infront the kids and walked away. I am very hurt because he did not even apologize for not being home to wake up next to me for my birthday, he did not acknowlegde my birthday in any way. he gave me a card that he just signed his name too. AM I wrong?
Brenda
Want an honest answer? Yeah, you're wrong. Why didn't you go too to his mothers and visit with them all? Seems to me that would have been the natural thing to do when family comes from out of state. You could have got a sitter and went along if you didn't want to take the kids. Granted he could have called and said he planned to stay over, but you knew where he was and could have called him any time. It's not like he was out barhopping.
You spoiled your own birthday by getting on your huffy bike I'm afraid. I wouldn't have acknowledged your birthday either if you'd not spoken to any of my family in my own home and make a scene by walking out. But I'm guessing there's already been some conflict with them in the past when you didn't go the night before to see the cousin. Lighten up and give the guy a break! If you can't be amongst them and be pleasant company, don't begrudge him going alone.
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 10/18/2010 7:58:02 AM
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ArticlePost
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Hi. Everyone my situation is this my wife and i have been fighting for quite sometime now she has even made freinds with some girls from our daughters majorette team this was alright for the time being but she spending more time with them than me about 2months later she started to talk to a guy on msn messager a freind she has not seen in a while i guess they were freinds with other people around the area she lived. they would talk like iam now with you but it suddenly turn to more of a sexual talk sometimes pretty sexually about 1month later she told me that she was going out with her girlfreind for there normal tea date but i had a gut feeling after 45mins i decided to take a ride and sure enough she was in the guys car (the one she was chating with ) kissing and holding each other I felt like killing him but I have 2 kids I have to look after I am still with this women(my wife) i forgive her but i do not forget and things between us have changed it does not feel like a marriage but roomate feeling on my part and I don't have anyone to talk to but she has her girlfreinds what to do I love her but the feelings are not mutual allthough she seems like she does but wemon can hide things pretty good but when it comes to gut feelings can't hide everything .
Jim
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 12/3/2010 9:36:29 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband was a very good man who went bad. He wouldnt let me work or even go back to school. He talked dirty to women behind my back and when I told him it hurt my feelings he said he would stop but sortly after he would repaet it, he said he didnt learn his lesson the first. he left me and our 3 kids to go to fl for a job that didnt happen, then he refused to keep our agreement. we agreed if the job didnt happen he would come home. 2 and a half months later he shows up unanounced and told me that we had to pack up and leave that day. we did and things got worse, if i didnt somehing he wanted he would threaten to send me back without our kids. His new girlfriend was harassing me and after four months of his girlfriends bs, his threats and his step moms crude attitude because i wasnt obeying her son, i was done. i packed my stuff and our kids stuff and left him. i just wanted to breath and wait for everything to cool down but his step mom and girlfriend convinced him to divorce me. I visit his real mother as often as possible and believe that to many people divorce because its easier but they r so wrong, i dont want a divorce i want him to stop being so selfish. i love him and believein him i believe in us but it takes to so what do i do now?
jennifer
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 10/8/2011 11:01:53 AM
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ArticlePost
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Couple hours ago, I've done something I have never done in our marriage. I ripped his dress shirts out of hangers, packed whatever I can into a garbage bags. As if that's not enough, I spat on it and stumped it to give it as much pain and suffering to vent out my frustration toward him. Over 20 years of knowing him, and 13 years of marriage there has been good times (I can't think of it, or maybe I don't want to) and bad times. (I can go on and on with bad times.) My situation is more then marriage. It's everyone around me - my mother, sisters, in-laws. A reason why my husband repeats his favorite line during each and every arguments as it isn't already drilled into my head for the past two decades: "It's not just me. If everyone you know tells you the same thing, then it's you!!"At this point, I have lost my identity and beliefs. I don't know who I am and what I stand for, and frankly, I DON'T GIVE TWO RAT'S A's any more. If feels like I have became this monster my husband describes. I agree with him that I have no one around me. I pushed them all away. How else could I forgive the pain in the past who has done "wrong" , and never even recognize what they have done? Those who keeps on blaming it's all me?!How many times do I need to describe in details to why and how my feelings were hurt? Why can't these people feel the pain they've caused? All it needs is a conclusions of recognizing their part of wrong doing. Why must all these people continuously blame me as to I am the cause of it all? Is it really that difficult to find faults of their own? Is the word: "SORRY" that difficult to spit out? Some of you might read this and think exactly same as my husband does. "Lady, it's you. You are messed in the head. You don't need a divorce lawyer, you need a shrink!" Yeah yeah, palm face to you. (So mature of me isn't it? In another words: I am who you make me to be so let me move on; you may stop the reading and go your way.)Hey, I never asked for my sister to choked me, slash me with knife. I have never told my sister to blame me for her failures. Never asked her to tell our mother that I beat her up constantly when I was the one who was getting beat! I never asked my mother to make tons of money to support me. I have never asked her to leave me for another man. I have never asked for my husband's fist on my eye, nor a hand print on my face. I have never asked for good beating like his mother told me once. In fact, I have never asked for any of these unpleasant physical contacts. But wanna know what hurts the most? Pain in my mind and heart. Why won't that heal like the rest? Why does this pain linger and I can't forgive them all? My conclusion? How can I forgive them when they cannot even admit what they have done wrong? "Sorry" isn't what I want to hear, but repent silently to the wrong doing!! Why must these people, unto this day, fill me with shame? Shame of being friendless even among family from being me?! How else can I walk on the path to my future if I can't cut the ties from these people who blames me for what I see it as their wrong doing?I bent my back backwards then forward to please all of those who are in my past no matter how they treated me. It was stupidity thinking time will iron out the chaos. I am stupid.I finally erupted. I cannot go on this way. Mother, thank you for well intensions toward me; nevertheless, you left your girls for men. Are you finally on your last at your age? 72 years old.. on 8th is it? Good luck .. well travel to your marriage? Whatever? To my sisters. Simply put, you are the evilest, scariest, wackiest person I have ever met YKT. And to my middle sister? No wonder your are really flipped all the way to other side. Remember, you are not the only mental case; truly your older sister is crazier except she can act. Hey sis, we all are, so don't feel alone. My in-laws: STAY AWAY YOU WACKED OUT PSYCHOS!! My husband: * YOU! go marry your sister and don't ever make another lady miserable you piece of ****.He can take each and every those bags and hang em back or take em where he wanna live. Like I said, I don't give two rats a's. <br><br>ekcy
Edited for language. This is a family forum. Please do seek professional help to get through this obviously difficult time.
< Message edited by fiery -- 10/8/2011 7:00:22 PM >
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 10/9/2011 9:29:43 PM
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ArticlePost
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I here u girl I feel the same way ........ I want to just go but where with small children where do I go he's a good father to the little ones and the older ones thay both act like him woww.....
janie
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RE: How Do You Know If A Marriage Is Really Over - 2/26/2012 8:26:46 PM
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ArticlePost
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Not sure what to do. I am married with young children. My husband drinks and smokes pot in the house, even after numerous discussions and requests that he at least stop smoking in the house. He and I have many disagreements over sex and money, I am exhausted and frustrated. Love him, want things to get better, but not sure they will.
robin
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