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RE: thought for the day - 1/17/2010 7:09:31 PM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianerene
Motivate those around you and they will eventually live up to the expectations. Put them down and they have no reason to be any better." - James Zollicoffer
this struck me at a personal level. I was always motivated by slight put downs ... "you're being lazy, is that the way you are going to choose to live your life?" ... they made me want to work harder to be a better person. apparently with my oldest daughter, this isn't the way she 'works' because the more I say things like this to her, the more of a rut she falls into. I am trying to motivate her to get off her butt and get a job, the girl refuses to do anything more than apply online. she only recently got her driving permit and that was only because I told her she needed to drive or find a way to and from school (some days classes are 30 miles away) next semester.
not really sure how to motivate her tho. even joking about having a job rubs her wrong these days 
I used to be like you. Getting chewed out a little usually would be enough to make me do better.
Nowadays I respond better to attaboys and pats on the back. Chewing me out now would make me more depressed and the more that hurt me, the less I could function well and the worse I got - which got me chewed out again. It was a downward spiral. But if I try to pull myself together and you even give me the faintest hint of praise or sign that you noticed, I'd do more because I felt better about myself and my relationship with you.
Show her how many activities there are out there that students get fantastic discounts for. If she had more cash, she could take advantage of them! She'll want her own car and place eventually too. Unless she plans to live at home until she's fifty. Maybe she does.  
When you say she only wants to apply online, what do you mean? Do you mean submitting a resume to the likes of monster.com or do you mean for work she can do online? Because if you mean you want her pounding the streets looking for a job, I'd side with her that that would be pointless (apart from giving you the satisfaction of seeing her get up and do something). I'm assuming it's just a small part-time job she's looking for? Weekends or evenings, that kind of thing? Even the fast food chains like MacDonald's let you apply online now.
http://www.mcdonalds.com/usa/work/search.html
Walmart has a computer in the stores where you can sit down and fill in your details. You can do it online too.
http://walmartstores.com/Careers/Careers/7745.aspx
There's also indeed.com that collates jobs from many of the big job sites and newspaper ads online that's searchable by keyword, zip code and more. They cover online work too.
http://www.indeed.com/
Is she 18 yet? Census taker jobs are popping up now and hiring will take place in the Spring. Hours are between 20-40 a week and the work is within your own community. Needs to be 18 though.
http://2010.census.gov/2010censusjobs/
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RE: thought for the day - 1/18/2010 1:06:19 PM
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dianerene
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she only wants to apply online, she doesn't want to get in someone's face and say "hey, I'm looking for work, can you hire me?" I understand that most places have gone to filling out apps online, but to me it only reinforces why we have such a lacking of people skills these days. kids don't know how to count out change, they are rude, no smile on their faces, customer service totally sucks. it really means something when you have to go in and REALLY apply and interview for a job. the way you present yourself and communicate your thoughts goes a long way with me.
she doesn't want to apply at fast food chains unless she has to (and I can kind of see where she is coming from). I want her to get a job where she can grow - she will need insurance in a few years when ours no longer covers her and there is no time like now to start planning. but everything she does has to be pushed. she has no resume because all she has done is school - no work experience at all. so I have to remind her to get online to update the apps she has already put in, I have to tell her to make phone calls, I have to push her to practice driving the darn car even! she has a permit but won't drive unless she is told to and I am done driving her to school, then back to pick her up - it's 60 miles rountrip and I make it 6 times a week!
I'm done catering to the girl. I thought I was doing right by allowing her to focus only on school and soccer ... but that was back when she talked of wanting a scholarship. we got her to the right people and then she failed to do any of the work towards getting them to look at her. now she is going to a junior college and playing soccer, which in a way I am okay with, but honestly I think it is another way to avoid growing up and taking responsibility. I really wish a great job would pop up and she would forget about school and soccer just so I can see her do something besides sleep all day and veg out.
part of it is, I know, that when I was her age I had a child already, I had a full time job with benefits, and I was taking classes 3 nights a week towards by certificate in drug counseling. I knew where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there. this girl has no idea what she wants to do with her life and she fights any time we ask her to make plans. I'm just done with the lack of motivation.
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RE: thought for the day - 1/21/2010 9:20:17 AM
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ChristineB
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I agree Diane. My boyfriends kids are both not motivated to look for jobs. They think one is going to come knocking on the door and they don't want to "settle." I don't understand that either.
Life is so different know than when I was young. I make very little now while I look, but I make somethign every day, not ideal, but money.
It is frustrating that kids don't seem to see the value in a hard day's work, even if it at a fast food place. Very aggravating!
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RE: thought for the day - 1/22/2010 7:49:26 PM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianerene
she only wants to apply online, she doesn't want to get in someone's face and say "hey, I'm looking for work, can you hire me?" I understand that most places have gone to filling out apps online, but to me it only reinforces why we have such a lacking of people skills these days. kids don't know how to count out change, they are rude, no smile on their faces, customer service totally sucks. it really means something when you have to go in and REALLY apply and interview for a job. the way you present yourself and communicate your thoughts goes a long way with me.
she doesn't want to apply at fast food chains unless she has to (and I can kind of see where she is coming from). I want her to get a job where she can grow - she will need insurance in a few years when ours no longer covers her and there is no time like now to start planning. but everything she does has to be pushed. she has no resume because all she has done is school - no work experience at all. so I have to remind her to get online to update the apps she has already put in, I have to tell her to make phone calls, I have to push her to practice driving the darn car even! she has a permit but won't drive unless she is told to and I am done driving her to school, then back to pick her up - it's 60 miles rountrip and I make it 6 times a week!
I'm done catering to the girl. I thought I was doing right by allowing her to focus only on school and soccer ... but that was back when she talked of wanting a scholarship. we got her to the right people and then she failed to do any of the work towards getting them to look at her. now she is going to a junior college and playing soccer, which in a way I am okay with, but honestly I think it is another way to avoid growing up and taking responsibility. I really wish a great job would pop up and she would forget about school and soccer just so I can see her do something besides sleep all day and veg out.
part of it is, I know, that when I was her age I had a child already, I had a full time job with benefits, and I was taking classes 3 nights a week towards by certificate in drug counseling. I knew where I wanted to be and how I was going to get there. this girl has no idea what she wants to do with her life and she fights any time we ask her to make plans. I'm just done with the lack of motivation.
Here's the difference as I see it. You had the motivation of having to provide for yourself and your daughter from that day onwards until whenever she left home in the future. You had to grow up, plan and take action fast. She doesn't have that same sense of urgency because she's only got herself to think about. That's why she lacks motivation. She doesn't see any need to rush because she knows she'll always have you to fall back on and all the comforts of living at home, whether she's working or not. Is that a fair assessment?
I totally understand where you're coming from about people skills btw. It's something my own son struggles with. Of course some of his is part of his AS but not all of it. They just don't want to be put in uncomfortable situations but heck, if they find asking about jobs hard, how will they cope with the pressure of an interview or customers or co-workers? I tell him it's just part of life that you have to learn how to deal with things that are outside of your comfort zone and the only way you get to be more comfortable doing that is by experiencing them. No way you can get around that.
Half the kids our local store employs I wouldn't have let step over the threshold if I'd been in HR because they don't care, have no idea about the basics of customer service nor a work ethic. Don't get me started LOL.
I was like you too and had responsibilities at a young age - I was married by 19, working full time, had a mortgage etc. I look at my son and think "why aren't you interested in what you're going to do with the rest of your life?! " It's amazing. But then I don't know anyone that has kids that are heading into young adulthood who doesn't say the same thing about theirs too.
Maybe it's a generational thing and that's just how they are now. Hubby tells me all the time when I moan about kids in stores that things are different now and not so strict. If companies don't expect better standards, shame on them. It makes life darn hard for us when we tell them they need to be a cut above the rest and go that extra mile to get the job when they see another teen picking their fingernails behind a counter that's got one.
Mine does work online and is doing well with that, so I'm leaving him be right now. See, I don't mind so much when I know he's trying. If he's trying and still getting nowhere, and I genuinely believe he's doing his best, I don't feel I can gripe. It's when he's not even trying and still wanting to spend all his time online goofing off or sleeping I get mad. I feel your pain, truly I do. 
I guess all you can do now is what normally gets done with the young 'uns. Start taking away privileges that cost money like the computer and phone until she can find a way to contribute to their costs. She's a smart girl and well presented. I've no doubt somebody would snap her up in a heartbeat if they had a vacancy she could fit into. But they're not going to knock on her door and ask her. I think she'd find her motivation soon enough if you began taking things away.
She could also be calling family and asking them to keep an ear open for her for any openings.
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RE: thought for the day - 1/26/2010 1:17:39 PM
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dianerene
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you are right, Kay. nothing is forcing her to get up and move. I just wish she had the motivation to be proactive - lol.
I did tell her we are going to start taking things away ... the cell phone I want her to have, but the texting will be the first thing to go. then the internet access will be limited (I will start turning off the hub so she can still do schoolwork, but no late night chatting), and her use of the car (she finally got her license!!) will be limited to trips to and from school only, unless she is actively looking for a job.
I hate to be the mean mom, and I don't want to push her out because she is mad, but at this point, I almost don't care. that's bad, right? oh well ... she will soon learn what it means to be an adult.
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RE: thought for the day - 1/27/2010 12:14:18 PM
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ChristineB
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That's not being mean at all! Stop thinking that way! You are not mean, you are teaching her to mature and responsible. It's a lesson that she needs in order to a productive member of society!
You're doing the right things, stay strong!
< Message edited by ChristineB -- 1/27/2010 12:15:05 PM >
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RE: thought for the day - 1/27/2010 6:10:28 PM
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dianerene
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thanks, christine. I guess I just feel mean, but in the same respect, I keep thinking I shouldn't have to tell her it's time to get a job either. the oldest child LOVES to work, this one better find herself a very wealthy man ... SOON! 
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RE: thought for the day - 1/27/2010 9:31:59 PM
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fiery
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No way is that mean, diane. Christine is right.. The way I see it you've exhausted all the other avenues open to you so no more mr. nice guy. Sometimes tough love is all that's left and that's not always bad. And of course she's mad LOL. She needs to be to get motivated to do something to change how it is once she cools off. As I often tell my son, internet access (his favorite pastime) is a privilege and not a right. When he plays ball, so do we and when he doesn't, I have no qualms about pulling the plug on his free time and only allowing him to use it for work. It never takes long for him to get back in line once that happens.
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RE: thought for the day - 2/7/2010 8:48:05 AM
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fiery
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How's the job hunting progressing, diane? Anything on the horizon yet? Hope it's coming together for you guys and you're hanging on to your sanity. 
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RE: thought for the day - 2/9/2010 10:43:58 PM
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dianerene
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nothing ... and I even had a friend agree to introduce her to the manager at the super market. I told her if she doesn't have something by March 1st, she loses her text messaging.
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RE: thought for the day - 2/10/2010 2:03:46 PM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dianerene
nothing ... and I even had a friend agree to introduce her to the manager at the super market. I told her if she doesn't have something by March 1st, she loses her text messaging.
Ah shame...not about the text messaging, about not finding anything yet. I wish I could think of something else to suggest to you that you haven't tried already. Maybe you should get hubby to take her to work, ha!
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RE: thought for the day - 2/14/2010 5:33:24 PM
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fiery
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“Love is always bestowed as a gift―freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love" - Leo F. Buscaglia
So don't give your love expecting something in return, or withdraw or hold it back just to make a point or because you're angered. Love is unconditional and always should be. :)
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RE: thought for the day - 2/16/2010 11:09:56 AM
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fiery
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I love this thought for the day. It looks like it could come from any number of self-help books published today and yet it was said over 370 years ago.
1. Sit quietly for a moment, and you realize how you have been
foolishly running about.
2. Learn to keep your mouth shut, and you realize you have been
talking too much.
3. Avoid getting involved in too many things, and you realize
that you have been wasting your time in unnecessary things.
4. Close the door, and you realize that you have been mixed
up with too many kinds of people.
5. Have few desires, and you realize why you have had so many ills.
6. Be human, and you realize that you have been too critical
of others.
-Chen Chiju (1588-1639)
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RE: thought for the day - 2/19/2010 9:41:58 AM
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ChristineB
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Wow! That has to be one of my most favorite quotes ever! I love, love, love it! Thanks so much for sharing. I think #2 is my favorite....or maybe #5...sheesh...they are ALL so relevant.
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RE: thought for the day - 2/19/2010 3:16:21 PM
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fiery
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I'm making myself a set of screensaver pics that have good quotes on them because I find these wonderful quotes then lose them in amongst my bookmarks. It's pretty cool because you can put them all in one folder so they rotate. I have mine set up so they fade in and out.
Funny too that the one I seem to need to hear most is the one that comes up on top at any given time. Coincidence? I think not.
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RE: thought for the day - 2/21/2010 2:45:28 PM
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fiery
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"If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be." - John Heywood
Sometimes it's hard to see past what's going on under your nose and react there and then. Stop and think before jumping in with a response when you have troubles. Better still, sleep on them and see what answers come by morning when your unconscious has had a chance to work on them. Waiting three days works even better because many things resolve themselves within that time. Just hold on and see what happens because everything is for a reason.
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RE: thought for the day - 2/22/2010 10:25:27 AM
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ChristineB
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I believe that too, but I have to admit I also use that an excuse sometimes. I try to keep a balance of doing all I can but accepting that even if I do 100% the results may not be what I expected.
< Message edited by ChristineB -- 2/22/2010 10:29:42 AM >
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RE: thought for the day - 2/25/2010 11:49:08 AM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChristineB
I believe that too, but I have to admit I also use that an excuse sometimes. I try to keep a balance of doing all I can but accepting that even if I do 100% the results may not be what I expected.
That's true, there are no guarantees it would work. But it's surprising how often it does! :)
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RE: thought for the day - 2/25/2010 11:36:13 PM
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fiery
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If we don't know where we're going, how in the world can we expect to get there. Learning how to focus on our goals and honing them in our minds until they are clear as a bell is one of the most useful skills we can learn in life.
Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Because if you don't know where you're headed, how are you going to figure out how to get there?
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