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When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 7/24/2010 7:39:10 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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The statement, made at a “Women in Education” conference, was part of a speech on women who are the main support of their families. The speaker’s words resonated throughout the room.

When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t
http://articles.familylobby.com/436-When-Wives-Work-and-Husbands-Don’t.htm
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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 7/24/2010 7:39:10 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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I agree. Get a real job husbands

lola

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 7/25/2010 9:24:46 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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I've been the primary breadwinner for almost 36 years as I have more education than my husband. It's not realy been a problem for us as we chose not to have children--so, I don't have the burden of child care on top of working and doing some housework. My only complaint is that my husband and most men can't see what housework needs to be don and just "do it". They have to be asked to run the vacuum, empty the dishwasher, etc.

Vickie

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 7/25/2010 10:28:54 PM   
fiery


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quote:

My only complaint is that my husband and most men can't see what housework needs to be don and just "do it". They have to be asked to run the vacuum, empty the dishwasher, etc.


Vickie, you're not alone in that! I complain to my grown son about the same thing. He says if you need help you should just ask, but I don't see why I should need to! By the time I have to ask I have steam coming out my ears. He can see chores piling up same as I can. It aggravates me that I need to say do this, do that instead of him just pitching in. I agree it's very frustrating. 

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 7/26/2010 11:01:32 AM   
ChristineB

 

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I agree too, however I do think that men and women are just built differently.  What we see as urgent in our faces, men just don't see as a crisis. It pains me to take that approach but as I get older I really do think it's true.

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 8/12/2010 8:33:19 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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I have worked full time for the past six years. I put my husband through college and then a Master's program. he is graduated now and does not work. He stays at home with our daughter but does not contribute to the housework and I am pretty sure that he sits her in front of the TV all day. He doesn't take the dog for a walk, and I know this because I come home from a 15 hour day and there is poop on the ground - IN THE SAME ROOM HE IS SITTING IN!!! I can't take it anymore. I think he may be depressed and so I have put up with this but enough is enough. I always thought that marriage was about helping and supporting one another to make life easier and better but He is making my life harder and harder. I'm pregnant again, still working full time and commuting an hour to do so. He wants to go back to school to get a doctorates. does anyone have advice???

Stefanie

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 8/13/2010 10:58:06 PM   
fiery


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Yes, let him go back to school only when he can afford to pay for the tuition himself out of money he's earned. What would you do if you had to pay for that AND childcare x 2 while he was doing the course and then still nothing changed?

Time to lay it on the line Stefanie. He needs to take on his fair share of the responsibilities and either look after the home and family properly and/or get a job. Is he even looking? Even if he can't find anything that uses his degree, what's stopping him from picking up a job in a store or something part-time in the evenings to bring in some money? You have a computer at home, I assume. He could work online too. He's obviously not dumb.

If he's depressed he needs to see the doctor. If he can't afford one there are plenty of self help and support groups online. Sitting watching TV all day doesn't help. He needs fresh air and exercise and could get both by walking the dog and taking your daughter out. I'm speechless that you have to come home to that mess. It's unsanitary for your children too. Depression isn't an excuse for that. I've had depression and wouldn't have allowed my house to get like that.

I think he wants to go back to school so he doesn't need to look after two babies. You're supposed to be a team and he's not being a team player. That's disgraceful that everything falls on your shoulders, especially with you being pregnant. He should be ashamed of himself. Right now all he's done is drain your finances with the tuition and contributed nothing in return by the sounds of it.

Me, I'd be packing a bag or packing his by now. What does he say when you talk to him about it?


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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 8/30/2010 8:53:24 AM   
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I work full-time and my husband does not. I have a bachelor's degree and he only has a GED; he also has health issues now that would prevent him from working more than part time. He is a writer working on film projects and he does do things around the house (although yes sometimes he needs to be reminded!) I don't mind the situation and outside of the occasional financial crisis it has not been a problem for us. The part that I DO mind the most is the judgement and criticism we get from well meaning friends & family! I don't think it is any of their business who the breadwinner is in this family and I am sure they would sing an entirely different tune if he was making the money and I stayed at home. And I thought we were living in a world that was past sexism - um, maybe not!

Jude

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 10/5/2010 6:38:20 PM   
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I have noticed a gradual role reversal, he is self employed and is working less and less, I come home and he is making dinner after shopping.He does very little around the house, our upstairs has been under renovation for a year and a half. I am not sure how this happened, but I do feel resentment building. sigh

Georgia

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 10/7/2010 9:48:54 AM   
ChristineB

 

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(((((sigh))))) Does he know? I wonder if perhaps it just got away from him, little by little? Have you tried confronting him...and a non confrontational role?

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 11/15/2010 7:46:38 PM   
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Going to work everyday, every year. Paying for Christmas, birthdays, vacation, food, broken appliances, new towels...all of the things that are a dual responsibility get tiring. But guess what, he has time to go hunting and cruise facebook. I would not be able to live with myself year after year living off of someone else. Make getting a job important, not the afterthought.

Jean

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 11/22/2010 9:15:49 AM   
ChristineB

 

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Yikes! Not in my house! No way!

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 12/25/2010 4:19:18 PM   
ArticlePost

 

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I have been the main breadwinner in my family for 3yrs,basically since we've been married. He had a immigration problem and we got married and returned to the uk. He tried at the beginning but with every knock back i got gradually more frustrated, he did do some agency work and has bought a couple of items of furniture and has occasionally helped pay for thing, butmy contribution far outways his, but i still ended up covering most of the bills and rent, we have to kids, and he never helps me, I have to fight with him to get him to buy my kid christmas/birthday presents and to take them out to the park in the summer. he is currently studying away from home and when he comes back at weekends he hardlyspends time with me and my children. i am so fed up as i feel used and taken for granted. but mainly i feel sad for my babies that he is so deadbeat. he is always asking for money and never repays it unless i force him and have to keep asking. tonight we had a huge fight as i was fed up with the crap present he bought my kids ans him sleeping or talking on the phone for hours and also, not helping to make the day special. we hit each other then i ordered him out.my 7mth old daughter was crying,she sensed the tension and has never experienced anything like it.

katie

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 12/26/2010 4:55:14 PM   
fiery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

I have been the main breadwinner in my family for 3yrs,basically since we've been married. He had a immigration problem and we got married and returned to the uk. He tried at the beginning but with every knock back i got gradually more frustrated, he did do some agency work and has bought a couple of items of furniture and has occasionally helped pay for thing, butmy contribution far outways his, but i still ended up covering most of the bills and rent, we have to kids, and he never helps me, I have to fight with him to get him to buy my kid christmas/birthday presents and to take them out to the park in the summer. he is currently studying away from home and when he comes back at weekends he hardlyspends time with me and my children. i am so fed up as i feel used and taken for granted. but mainly i feel sad for my babies that he is so deadbeat. he is always asking for money and never repays it unless i force him and have to keep asking. tonight we had a huge fight as i was fed up with the crap present he bought my kids ans him sleeping or talking on the phone for hours and also, not helping to make the day special. we hit each other then i ordered him out.my 7mth old daughter was crying,she sensed the tension and has never experienced anything like it.

katie


Sorry you had such a rotten Christmas, katie. If it's getting to the point of physical altercations you need to seek actively outside help with your marriage for your sake and your family's before anyone gets hurt.

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 12/28/2010 11:15:35 AM   
ChristineB

 

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I'm sorry to that also. I agree with fiery 100% though. Now is the time to do something before someone gets hurt. Once violence is present you need to take matters head on, get counseling etc.....hopefully the baby wasn't hurt.

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 4/16/2011 12:17:22 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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Men are giant children with no responsibility towards anyone accept themselves.

kd

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 5/2/2011 8:34:25 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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You can't have it both ways. Women were expect to stay at home and take care of the kids and household, living only on the one income of a man. Men NEVER complained about this. Unless there is a very serious financial reason, you should be able to live easily on one income. Stop being so materialistic about things. Learn to live on what is really important. Why be married to someone who you force out to work at a job they hate if there is no serious financial reason. It's easy for a man to come across as a "real man" and just get a job anywhere doing anything, but it takes a real man to let the women actually exceed in their career and support them. There are many women CEOs out there, who are married and their husbands have low paying jobs like teaching. You want too much, you were sold a stupid bills of goods about how life should be and you are unhappy. As for house work, forget the good house keeping magazines, NO ONE LIVES LIKE THIS. You simply don't need to spend more than 2 hours on a weekend doing everything that needs to be done and do it together to make is fun. Too often women are obsessive about being judged by how their house looks. Men are not like this, because they don't read those stupid magazines. Listen, you enjoy your job, getting better career situations for yourself, wonderful, enjoy it, but don't make someone else's life horrible because you expect them to live up to what you have seen in fictional TV shows. That's not life, this is your real life and it's time you learned to live in it. MEN NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT SUPPORT A WIFE, so now it's your turn. Don't complain.

Anon

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 5/2/2011 12:12:23 PM   
ChristineB

 

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Hmmm, well I'm not sure what to say as there is so much.

First, I guess I do find it funny that it's signed...anon. If you are so proud why anon?

Secondly, well sheesh, there is so much, I have to regroup...

Men never complained? Pretty big generalization there Anon. I doubt you know ALL men, and I know at least one that did complain. The burden is and has been on women to have babies, keep a clean house, make dinner and support a family.

What exactly is your argument?

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The Traveling Pendant
My Mom's dying wish....

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 8/12/2011 2:26:46 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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Fine, I do not mind being the only one who works in the house but I am constantly being put down. I mean, i am the one with the college degrees and he keeps insulting my education. To top it off, he calls me fowl names in front of my son. I know the reason - he feels useless but that's not my fault. I do more now than he ever did and I am tired of having to pay for medical stuff. When I had cellulitis, I limped my way to work. The day after I had an anxiety attack, I went to work but he had a hernia operation two months ago and a motorcycle accident two years ago. I had a car accident too. I went back to work one month later. I had an abortion and went to work the next day. Someone needs to get a job and stop talking junk!

nappy

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RE: When Wives Work and Husbands Don’t - 8/15/2011 9:49:45 AM   
ChristineB

 

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Yikes. While I feel for you I'm sure that post is as "family friendly" as it could be. I do look forward to hearing more about you, but as for certain types of issues, I think our younger readers would be better off not knowing the details.

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