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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/16/2009 9:35:06 PM
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ArticlePost
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Sorry ladies, but Eric is right. The love of your life probably feels the same way. He's just not honest enough to tell you. Thats why my husband turned to other things after I had our daughter. The baby seen my chest more than he did and he was a jealous and selfish. It takes two baby! yes you are right Eric...We should be glad that we have your money to help support us,but for those of us who have been down that road before; with that attitude you can pay child support and keep the rest.
shannon
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/21/2009 10:42:13 AM
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evil step dad
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ladies, I am sypathetic to what you desire in a marriage and family. I suggest that you share this b**** session to your husbands in the hopes that there can be some reconciliation with the demise of their parenting skills. I don't believe that there is a shared idiosyncratic reason for each father-each is different in some way, I suppose. My guess is; basically, we are somewhat lazy in this aspect and would rather get out of any resposibility that is possible if we can. I believe, for you ladies that are having the most trouble, I would say shaming your man into taking resposibility might be the best case to get something productive out of them.
Good luck,
Dan
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/26/2009 2:15:11 PM
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ArticlePost
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As a guy who is the primary care giver to my kids, because my job is seasonal, I know how SAHM's feel. Guys, in general, can go through life without ever having children and be completely happy, much more so then women. They naturally have a tendency to not interact with kids as much as women. In society women love kids and guys tolerate them. I know i love my children because I generall despise (not all the time) the daily activity of interacting (feeding, playing, etc.)with them but I do it with a smile on my face. Most guys will just stay at work even though they could be home because they dont want the interaction with the family. I know many who do just that. I myself feel like a married-single parent. I hate it and feel like my wife and i are a relationship of convenience. Sadly, at times, I wish 18yrs would fly by so the kids can be on there own and I can have my life back. But much of life is doing things we dont much enjoy and there are people in much worse shape, so I generally dont **** too much about my situation because then I just look like an Ahole.
another dad's opinion
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/14/2010 12:46:48 AM
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ArticlePost
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It is very understanding what all the woman go through in life. Im sorry that our moms didnt spell out - you will be last. You will be dead last! And - go to college to get your law degree - cuz you are better off on your own. I am an ethnic italian girl. We are raised to get married and have kids. I guess its just what is expected. Sad thing is .. my family lives in another state and I am stuck here with my husband and his crazy family. I feel so loney - I have a pit in my stomach. I know I may need to get medicated at some point. I am married - but single. I know it would be much harder if I really was single .. but I am so lonely and dont get the understanding and sympathy I so desperately need. So when a man says to stop whining .. I think he is just as unempathetic as my husband who tells my daughter to stop crying - (who by the way is just 6) ?! I feel bad for all my fellow woman who were free spirits before they got married - I was the most outgoing - laid back person .. now - I am super uptight and my own mother tells me she doesnt know me anymore. Its a very sad and drowning situation .. not one to make fun of. If I told my mom how I really felt. SHe would tell me to leave and never look back - but she is divorced herself and all her siblings are as well ...I want to stop that cycle. I want to work things out with my husband. I need to get couceling - and maybe you should look into it as well. A 3rd party is always a good idea!
Im sorry ...
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 8/15/2010 10:04:44 AM
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ArticlePost
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This article is on point. What gets to me even more is how he also expects the same level of care from me to him. He seem almost envious of the kids and that I have no time for him. Question is how do I get time for him while I am on my feet most of the time doing what is required. Perhaps if he helped in even a third of the chores I would have time to rest and socialize happily. He still does get to be served....when do I get to be served. I am tired.
Angela
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 9/25/2010 1:18:50 AM
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ArticlePost
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Yea, my husband, soon to be ex, would complain if he had to take care of the kids at all. His idea of taking care of the kids is let them stay in their room all day because he chose to stay up all night and sleep all day. My parents were in a car accident and I just about didn't get to go see them because he didn't want to take care of the kids. It took two to make the kids, why can't it take two to take care of them. A little give and take, not all take!
Patricia
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 3/2/2011 6:47:11 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband has been working out of town for more than three years now. We have a 3 year old son and one on the way. I work a full-time job. I feel that I am a single parent because it takes more than money to raise a child. There are many single parents who receive child support of some sort and are considered single parents. So I cannot see why a I shouldn't be(@Marc). My husband visits maybe once per month. Other than that I am the primary care giver and bill payer. I agree with Shannon just send me the child support and keep the rest. I refuse to keep raising kids as a single married parent.
Fed up!
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/3/2011 10:47:55 PM
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ArticlePost
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Having my daughter was the best gift I could ever receive. I thought that my husband and I were on the smae page as far as bother caring for our child. Not hardly. He's not as attentive as I thought he would be. I am the primary caregiver, though I am fortunate to have a great daycare provider. I am also a student. It's very disheartening and frustrating that we lead seperate lives. It makes me wonder why be married if the bulk of the responsibilities lie soley on one person. Sometimes feel as though I might as well be alone.
Past Tired & Fed Up
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/8/2011 1:05:31 AM
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ArticlePost
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I have been living as a single parent for 15 years. My husband likes to claim he does all the parenting because he likes to make the children be quiet and do the household chores. But other than that I DO all the school stuff and other activities like sports,scouts and school. I find it worth it but my 5 KIDS pull me in 5 different directions. Little did I know I DO meant I DO everything.
single mom
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/21/2011 9:39:45 PM
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ArticlePost
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Wow it's nice to know that I am not the only one feeling like a married but single parent. My husband works and thinks since he is the one bringing home the bacon he doesn't need to do anything else!!!!!
overwhelmed stay at home mom
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 7/23/2011 9:55:57 PM
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fiery
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Honestly, I think if you're working and bringing home the bacon and that's all you do, you're getting off light! Most wives/female partners do both as well, work outside the home plus take care of everything that's home and child related. It's not fair. But then how many of you actually ask for help? Do ask and make clear what needs done. Instead of " I need help around the house" say can you bath the kids or could you tidy the kitchen while I'm doing such and such. Be specific.
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 8/11/2011 12:00:58 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband, like many I'm now finding out, has been closed off from us (me & children) for years. He sleeps a good portion of the day so he stays in "his room" where it is quiet. He does not interact with me or the children at all. The only time we see him is if I go to him to ask him to do something or go somewhere for the kids. My problem is, I shouldn't have to ask. There are children, OUR CHILDREN, in the house. Isn't it obvious what needs to be done?. Why do I need to go "find him" to say something to him? So, he has stays closed off, hiding away from us, doesn't interact on a daily basis, doesn't participate in any activities unless dragged.... Here we are 18 years later, he had the audacity to come to me complaining about our daughter's behavior!. I didn't like his tone at all!. I could not believe he came to me as if her up bringing was not his responsibility. One can't be a hands off parent & then complain aboout the outcome of the children. It's not right! I'm furious!
P..... off
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 9/14/2011 9:54:33 PM
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ArticlePost
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I am a mother of two girls one is three and the other one is nine. I single parented my oldest child til she was age five, her dad has never been in the picture since I was pregnant with her due to a domestic violence marriage and divorced him after I had my second child, but was separated from him right after I had him thrown in jail nearly killing me when I was six weeks pregnant with my first child, so I did a good portion of single parenting her,then I had my second child who was always sick consistently her first year and pretty much single parented her as well. I never remarried and I don't intend to either but the youngest child dad is in the picture but is a loser. He lives in the home and works nights, he gets off work at 6am every morning and is home by 630am he averages 7 hrs of sleep and still sleeps all day, he doesn't do anything to help at all, he can't even take care of himself, he doesn't wash his clothes but once a month, showers once every two to three weeks, doesn't pay the bills, run the finances, run the errands, doesn't help with the youngest child at all, he starves the poor kid cause when you ask him to fix her something he under cooks it and she won't eat it, so he doesn't bother to fix her something else, he refuses to do anything with her or anything at all , leaves everything on my shoulders when I am disabled with chronic illnesses that control my life. I became disabled from a serious bacteria that nearly killed me in Feb. 2009 still to this day I fight this bacterial overgrowth known as H.Pylori, I have severe erosive gastritis from the h.pylori and a severe mental illness, I have been told by doctors to keep my stress to a minimum and that is merely impossible when you are single parenting special needs kids. I eventually just had to make one of the hardest decisions any parent has to make but I did it in the best interest of my oldest child as she is far worse than the youngest child. I gave guardianship to my sister for my oldest child cause I knew that my health was bad and my body just couldn't do it and two the other half wrecked my car, completely demolished my car and insurance said the damage was too much to get the car fixed so he quit his jobs he had except one, then after I became sick we were faced with eviction but I was able to save the apt. for I was a pending recipient for SSDI . Still to this day nothing has changed it has only gotten worse with him and my health is no better than it was four years ago. It's a shame that us women get crapped on and its worse when the child's father keeps walking in and out of their life and letting his mother control the relationship, alienates the mother from any family gatherings, I spend every holiday by myself, birthday, you name it. His mother judges me , criticizes me, threatens me, name calls me and his mother doesn't even know me, has never taken the time to properly meet me and get to know me and all of this controlling woman has done has impacted my youngest child and her behavior towards her dad is highly aggressive towards him. This only gets worse, for the sake of your kids and your health get out and ditch the man, don't let yourself get in my shoes cause then you are trapped and no where to escape.Good Luck and best wishes to you and your kids.
Mygirlz
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 10/20/2011 10:34:16 AM
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ArticlePost
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Im a married man who has been a single parent for 6 yrs. My wife is beautiful but usless to me. She dosnt help me w my/ HER son at all. She causes me peoblems daily. I have refused to leave her and currently in the worst shape weve ever been in sh drinks nightly stays up way later than me bexause i have to get up early get kid ready and to school. She sleeps in till 10- 11 and this is everyday everyone tells me to leave her for years. She didnt and still dosnt want kids. Wtf do i do ? Ps and there are serious trust issues . How do u let go of sonthing thats so bad for u when u just want them to do right im not asking the world from her!
dufous
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 10/24/2011 12:30:57 AM
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ArticlePost
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I disagree with man of the posts-- for the partner that has a high stress professional jor requiring 55-60 hours a week, the stay-at-home parent should be doing 80% of the "work" at home if not more. I've played both roles with my 3 kids-- it's no comparison-- once the kids are school aged, parenting roles are much easier than than the demanding professional job. Frankly, it felt like a vacation for the 1 year in my marriage while I was the stay at home parent. Of course, both parents need to be involved and work together, but what some stay at home parents don't realize, is the pressure of a tough, well-paying job is tougher than being home. Now, if both parents have tough jobs, then that's a different story.
Jeff
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 10/26/2011 11:25:30 PM
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ArticlePost
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Ifeel the same as everyone here aswell, it felt as though bulletproof and soundproof glass went up between my husband and I as soon as my kids were born. He will take orders but thats not a relationship, I feel like Im bossing around a teenage son. I work full time and even if he cooks a meal its like the world has to stop to acnowledge it. As for washing cleaning and ANY type of planning for our family, its all up to me, absolutely nothing would happen in our household if I didnt push for it and I do mean PUSH. I cant seem to get through to him either.Sorry to hear that so many others are in the same predicament.
alone in parenting
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 12/13/2011 10:42:20 AM
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MarriedSingleMothers
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Hi,
I think this is a huge problem is our society and one that isn't talked about enough! I am currently working a book about women who marry and become parents, but find their husbands aren’t as present in their children’s lives as they would like. These husbands are focused on being the best, supporting the family, running a company, governing a nation, or fighting for our country. They do not have the time, focus, skill set, or inclination to share equally in the parenting of their children. So the mothers find themselves raising their children mostly alone, even within the constructs of a legal marriage or committed relationship. It matters not whether these women have their own careers, or part-time jobs to bring in extra income, or are stay-at-home moms. Because—make no mistake—being a mom is, on average, a 19-hour-a-day job.
The subject of who is a “married single mother,” in our society, needs to be explored. For the first time, we need to shine a light on how a great many married women and those in committed relationships feel about their roles as solo parents. Raising a child solo within a marriage is a lonely job, and is not something most married women anticipated. Society’s attitude that married mothers are not “real” single mothers only adds to the frustration and perpetuates their feelings of the all too real isolation.
If you have more to say on this topic, please check out our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Married-Single-Mothers/287896097911778?sk=info
We hope the facebook page becomes a place:
1) To expand the definition of “single mother” in our society
2) To provide a platform for women to speak openly and share their experiences
3) To spark a national conversation that will raise awareness
4) To reinforce the importance of both parents’ contribution to raising their children
5) To encourage couples to start the discussions about how they’ll parent their children long before they say “I do”
Parenting is a very serious issue. Done well, our children thrive. Done poorly, our entire society is undermined. Hopefully, this forum will be a catalyst that opens the doors to talking about the issues married single mothers face as they live the life of a solo parent within their marriages.
Please join us in getting this issue out in the open!
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RE: Are You Married But Single-Parenting? - 1/19/2012 6:17:58 PM
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ArticlePost
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I am finding myself in this situation and really would love to find other to talk to, is there more to this article?
Pamela K.
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