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“Separated” Married Couples - 1/25/2008 3:14:55 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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We have all known couples whose marriages are basically over but, who, for the sake of their children, stayed together. They were not legally separated and they were willing to forego a divorce to stay together as a family unit.


“Separated” Married Couples
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/25/2008 3:14:55 AM   
ArticlePost

 

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what are the chances of a separated couple trying to work things out?

eve

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/25/2008 10:47:36 AM   
dianerene


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I know a couple that remains married and living together despite their seperate lives and their home is happier now than it ever was.  they are both in their 40s and tried living apart, but found that the dating scene was not for either of them.  They still ate together once a week with their teenage daughter, and found that even though they were no longer in love with each other, they were great friends!  Both of them have the freedom to date (if they choose), both of them are actively involved in their teenage daughter's life on a daily basis, and both of them still have another adult to come home to.


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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/25/2008 9:00:53 PM   
fiery


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I don't think I could do that. Each to their own and if it works for you, great! But to me you'd never be truly free of the relationship or each other.

Your friends are very lucky indeed to have that kind of relationship, diane. I guess it would depend a lot on the nature of the breakup and there's no hard and fast rules obviously. I'm glad it worked out so well for them. :)

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/25/2008 11:33:27 PM   
Ofear


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My friend's parents are divorces but they live together. I don't know the whole story but apparently they got divorced, then decided they wanted to be together again but couldn't be bothered to get married again lol.

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/26/2008 9:18:28 AM   
dianerene


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quote:

ORIGINAL: fiery
I don't think I could do that. Each to their own and if it works for you, great! But to me you'd never be truly free of the relationship or each other.

Your friends are very lucky indeed to have that kind of relationship, diane. I guess it would depend a lot on the nature of the breakup and there's no hard and fast rules obviously. I'm glad it worked out so well for them. :)

I don't think I could do it either, but I have often joked with my husband that I wouldn't leave as easily as his ex-wife did - he married me for life.  Even if he decides he doesn't love me, he is still stuck with me because I do not "share" custody of my kids

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 2/15/2008 4:30:26 PM   
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My parents have been married for 32 years and have been living like roomates for at least 10 years or more now my mother is so miserable with this set up that she cries everyday and I don't know what else to do or say, she is ready to leave and find a place of her own and fears that if she leaves that she loses all rights to the house she was the only person paying the bills there and she wants the house sold. Can she still leave and still have rights to the house once they file for divorce and will she still be entitled to alimony?

Confused Daughter

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 2/19/2008 9:21:00 AM   
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I think this is so unfair to both parties, why not pray and ask God to resurrect the dead marriage. All things are possible with God! I bet if those spouses brought in male or female friends, things won't be so spicy. Can you imagine stll married,but seeing someone diffrent in the same house! Yea right!!

separated wife

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 5/14/2008 7:45:22 PM   
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I am a married man but unhappily separated at the moment my wife is currently living with another man but i have no idea if it is serious at the moment i am left looking after our 14 year old son as she is unable to have him living with her due this man's criminal record and i am left wondering is their any future in our relationship but honestly i don't know what to think anymore as she has told me she is having sex with this other person my only fault i have is that i am willingly to forgive her but then my emotions go up and down which causes me to get emotionally unbalanced i don't agree with divorce but am slowly coming round to the idea so basically i am throwing myself on your mercy as the last five years have been hell to be honest this all came about due to the loss of my much loved and missed mother-in-law which left my wife and myself in charge of looking after the family with no help from relatives and the pressure has got too great and it has forced us apart but there has been interfering from family members and this other man but he claims innocence as to splitting me and my wife up at the moment i am at my wit's end and dont know what to do i hope you can give me some advice.my email address is stressed_jay1971@hotmail.comany help will be seriously thought over as i want to save my marriage very much so and thank you

Jason Phillips

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 5/15/2008 6:38:11 PM   
ChristineB

 

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Hi Jason and welcome to the forum. It definitely sounds like you are struggling with all of this.  Life is hard and when like this happen it makes it harder.  I would suggest, and definitely don't expect you to comment here, but you may want the advice of a professional. 

It's always complicated when the "other" person moves on and it is very hard to deal with emotionally.  There is no telling what her motive is, but if you are even the slightest bit concerned about the safety of your child then that needs to be addressed.  Immediately.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you keep posting here.  We're here to listen, and help with advice when we can.  hang in there...

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 5/23/2008 6:26:21 PM   
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I have been separated from my wife for a week, but for years she has been saying she is unhappy. She has given me many signals that she wants out. We are now separated and she says she's more relaxed and she wants to do everything by herself without my help. When I ask her if there is a chance we might reconcile she says she doesn’t know what may happen in the future. Am I being naive thinking she may change her mind and we can reconcile?

Greg M.

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 6/4/2008 2:01:53 PM   
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I have been going through a really hard time for the last 3 years with my wife and daughter. I am pushed out of all family events betweeen the three of us and I have no say what goes on in the house. I adopted my daughter three years ago when she was 12, since that day, I have been the bad person in the house and as much as I ask for help from the both of them, all I get is the same treatment day in and day out. I am starting to lean towards divorce, but I still love them, but I can't just live with them anymore and take that kind of treatment any longer. Do you have any ideas as to what I should do???

Shawn R

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 6/6/2008 3:09:56 AM   
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I looked through all of the comments different people have here. My heart goes out to those who are in pain. I would like to share my thoughts and feelings on this subject, as my wife and I love, and trust, and respect each other, but we have made the decision to separate. Love and trust and respect are required for a marriage by default. But you can come to give your love and trust and respect to anyone that earns these things from you. And if this person is your spouse, you would be very fortunate to have these things. And even still... It would not be enough. The question becomes: Do you meet your mate's basic needs? Does your mate need something in their life that you do not provide? Can not provide? Is your presence threatening your mate's growth as a person? Is it unhealthy? Unhappy? It sounds cliche, to the point where you're tempted not to believe it, but it is true that you must stand whole when standing alone. Be your own person, let your mate be their own person. If that means you must be apart, take a kick in a sore heart for the one you love. That's real and unselfish love.Good luck to you all.

coulrophobia

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 7/23/2008 2:49:13 PM   
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My wife decided to call it quits last night. With her refusing to go to marriage counseling, I'm dealing with all kinds of emotions. Anyway, she is going to remain living here as a roommate. Although, I can't complain from a financial aspect. The whole set up is worrying me. I'm still very much in love with her, and she apparently only "loves" me as a "friend" now. The reason she wants to leave me is because she says she's not happy. I'll admit to many communication breakdowns, but I really don't think it's something an open mind, and counseling can't fix. We don't have any kids, but we do have a dog and cat...and I'm afraid if my wife left, she'd take the dog. I know it sounds stupid...but I just want us to at least make an effort to work things out. She's not opened to that.

RJ

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 7/24/2008 4:50:18 PM   
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I'm really sorry that she won't see a counselor, RJ. It seems like she is hiding something. I just don't what I would do if my husband said he wasn't happy. Then, wouldn't explain why he wasn't happy. Maybe you could do something special for her. Plan a nice dinner or give her flowers in hopes that she will open up. I wish you the best of luck.

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 8/17/2008 9:17:19 AM   
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My husband and I separated 2 months ago and we stil love each other and care about each other, just not sure if we can live with each other right now, with our own personal issues. It's hard to separate the fact that we were together as a couple for 11 years and now we are just supposed to treat each other as friends. I want to know what's going on with him, but am not sure if that is my business right now. I'm so afraid he's going to move on to someone else before we can have a chance to fix ourselves and then possibly fix us. Any advice?

JJ

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 8/19/2008 4:02:15 PM   
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Well I dont really know where to start . So here it goes anyway. I am 24 and Ihave about had it with my husband , we have been together for 9 years almost and married 3 years . I'm not sure if we are growing apart and just habbits for eachother . Most the time I feel like I dont wanna hurt our daughter and our son . Iknow that im not the bad parent but i can only take so much of his jelousy, anger , dumb random questions ,childish perspective on life . i just wanna tell him that i need time to just breath and clear my head about this angery marriage that drives me right to the wall. thanx amanda

amanda

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 9/18/2008 6:10:50 PM   
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i dont know what to do. my wife looked at me in july and said "my hearts turned cold I dont love you anymore and left. she doesnt want a divorce and lives seperate from me. she still handles all the banking and bills , visits a couple times a week. she says shes trying to heal herself enough to try again then turns around and says lets just date as friends but dont get mad if thats as far as it ever goes. I try to talk to her about our problem but she just gets angry about it and says I'm being pushy . its so confusing, some things she says makes me think maybe shes going to come home and work things out , yet others makes me think shes never comming back at all. how long should I give this ? it really hurts.

mike

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 9/25/2008 1:00:31 AM   
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i have fallen out of love with my husband, and we have decided to part but as we are abit in debt we decided to stay living in the same house with our two children,, but my family have given me hell saying im an unfit mother and i dont look after my children,,i do work and it is only ever family who help me out with babysitting....ihave made a male friend at work and both my children and husband have met him and get on with him its just the rest of my family who have the problem with it...

tara

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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 10/27/2008 10:11:20 PM   
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my husband is a serial cheater. I am umemployed, have no money and no where to go. I have decided to stay as a roommate to my husband and dip my toe into putting myself "out there" . I haven't been with another man in 17 yrs. I believe this is a necessary step for me.

pbcup1

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