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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 8/2/2011 10:12:44 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband and I have been having serious marital problems for almost 10 years. I have tried to get him to go for marital counseling which he has done, but then stops after a few sessions saying "it's hopeless." He believes he has done nothing wrong, that I am the problem and the situation is hopeless. What he likes is a wife who doesn't have a different opinion than his. He wants me to not have any outside interests, he says something negative about every person he knows, whether its friend or MY family. He doesn't like when I do anything that he didn't suggest. He will curse at and call people names for no reason other than he doesn't like the way they look. I could go on, and I'm really being vague about the situation but needed to just write a bit about it.Now he wants to live together but pretend the other person is invisible, his words, not mine. He doesn't want a divorce. "We don't have to talk to each other, take care of each other if we get sick (both of us have had seruous medical problems)find someone else to take care of whoever is sick." We have been together for over 40 years.
Dallas
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 8/15/2011 10:22:13 PM
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ArticlePost
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Parents Dont do this to your kids, for someone who has gone through living with her "separated" parents in the same household for 12 years, it has put a huge burden on me n my siblings to the extent that no1 can truly understand
Anonymoous
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 9/23/2011 10:09:49 PM
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ArticlePost
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I was happy to come across this writing due to the fact that I and my husband have this set up. I do not believe in this type of arrangement however it does work because of financial reasons and due to the lagging economy it is difficult to find a career to support myself with substancial health benefits so I don't have an option yet but I am working hard to change this situation.Marriages like this, are unhealthy and in my opinion should be dissolved if there is no ove left no matter how sad it is.It happens and we should move on and us women should depend on ourselves for financial security. I have seen far too many women rely on their husband for this and this is not a good thing . I am trying my best to change my situation and in time it will be done because I do not give up.
Canton
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 10/3/2011 3:59:10 PM
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ArticlePost
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....well, it's all down to ONE thing: HEALTH INSURANCE (she has thru his)...the BLESSED INSURANCE! because she has very significant health issues. She has also been mostly a housewife-taking care of him. Her work outside the home is limited. She has spent decades giving to her family and now that the marriage is over-her lifeline has a tether-strap to his much-needed health insurance. :(
ann
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 10/5/2011 11:52:15 AM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
My husband and I have been having serious marital problems for almost 10 years. I have tried to get him to go for marital counseling which he has done, but then stops after a few sessions saying "it's hopeless." He believes he has done nothing wrong, that I am the problem and the situation is hopeless. What he likes is a wife who doesn't have a different opinion than his. He wants me to not have any outside interests, he says something negative about every person he knows, whether its friend or MY family. He doesn't like when I do anything that he didn't suggest. He will curse at and call people names for no reason other than he doesn't like the way they look. I could go on, and I'm really being vague about the situation but needed to just write a bit about it.Now he wants to live together but pretend the other person is invisible, his words, not mine. He doesn't want a divorce. "We don't have to talk to each other, take care of each other if we get sick (both of us have had seruous medical problems)find someone else to take care of whoever is sick." We have been together for over 40 years.<br><br>Dallas
Heck, Dallas, don't listen to him. YOU are not the problem. It's never just one person that's 100% at fault when a relationship breaks down. What he really wants is not to give up all his home comforts. He's not wanting a wife. Don't accept that! I think he's been pushing you down for so long that you're not even seeing it. Who wants to live with someone that pretends they are invisible?? That's emotional cruelty and would make you feel like nothing. If he wants to keep his home comforts, he can hire a maid. Bet he still expects you to cook and clean for him, do his laundry etc. even though he says no taking care of the other if we're sick. That's what husbands and wives do for each other, for goodness sake! He just doesn't want to be bothered by the sounds of it.
If you have a way to leave, take it. Get the heck out of that situation. You're worth more than that. And call social services or family to get help for you both on the care side. Good luck. You don't have to live in such a miserable situation.
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 10/7/2011 9:27:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have been married for 14 yrs,i dont know if i would consider myself lucky for just being a plain housewife/MAID...my hubby neither sometimes okay with hime for me not to work as long as i take care of the house and kids,,,but suddenly i dont have anymore self esteem and gave all my time my energy taking care of the house and the kids,we've been thru a lot of stuff and i dont know why i chose to stay in this marriage,the truth is iam very very unhappy with my life,, i sometimes just wanna live alone with my kids not with my hubby,, all i have felt is depression,and hate,,,he always tells me that i cannot have my kids ith me they have to stay with him,,,why can we just have a arrangement of we both have freedom seeing our kids eventhough we need to separate,,,i just wanna be happy my kids age are 11 and 8???what would i do?
Shirley
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 10/9/2011 3:55:25 AM
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ArticlePost
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I have been married 29 years and recently told my husband I wanted to end it, and moved to a holiday unit for some "time-out" before planning what to do next. My husband has been addicted to substances for over 10 years, and becoming more and more verbally aggressive - it got to the point that I had had enough, and walked out.My daughter totally supported my reasons, but my son was devastated and did not want to accept the situation. I truly thought my husband would be glad about my decision, as he had been so hateful for so long - but he was completely blown away, and devastated. He promised if I came back he would make changes - including giving up his addiction - which I was amazed to hear.Its been 3 months since I moved back, and he has tried so hard to be the husband I have wanted him to be for so long..... but I am confused about my feelings towards him. I loved being by myself for 2 weeks when I moved out, and a big part of me wants to have that independence again. He has kept his word about overcoming his addiction, which has been quite amazing .....So while we are undergoing counselling and trying to make it work, I am still very confused about what I want - and living apart but married seems an ideal solution right now. However I am not too sure my husband would agree, as he loves to have me here beside him. I don't want to destroy our family and cause hurt to my husband and children - but I am craving my own space...So Im wondering how many LAT's manage if one partner is happier than the other with the arrangement?
Bree
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/5/2012 6:32:02 PM
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ArticlePost
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Thank you for your article. I thought we were the only ones in this situation. After 20 years together, we found ourselves non-intimate for over five years. We were planning to divorce when he lost his job. I started a business and we were going to put off the divorce until he found steady work. He finally found one that doesn't pay very well and requires a 60 hour workweek. There is no way he can be with the kids in the evening and with the economy the way it is, we can't afford daycare. I've decided to stay to watch the kids while he works until the economy improves.Financially it is a win-win. Emotionally it is draining, lonely, and a little awkward around the holidays. It does help, though, knowing that other people are doing the same thing. Thanks for posting this.
Sheilah
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/12/2012 12:39:59 PM
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ArticlePost
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News for you: This is not a new concept. Couples who are married for financial reasons. Go back to the 1800's. Lots of marriages then were done (and kept) for financial reasons.
The "other"
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 1/13/2012 9:58:36 PM
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ArticlePost
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Married 12 years. Separated 6. Living in separate households 4. It works for us. We have no children are in our 40's. Health Ins & Tax breaks are helpful. We are best friends and still have love for one another. We have both had other significant relationships. Not really sure if it's healthy for us, if we still have hope, or if we are just settled into our own ways at this point. No talk of Divorce in the near future. To each his/her own.
Stargazer
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 3/14/2012 6:02:44 AM
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ArticlePost
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We've been married 40 years and for the last three live separate lives. Three years ago my wife got obsessed with the catholic church. Gets up at 4:30 every morning, prays then goes to mass before going to work. When she comes home from work, she changes clothes and then goes to the church for bible study classes. Our house now looks like a religious store with statues, cruixifes and religious pictures in every room. We sleep in separate bedrooms for the last three years and there is no intamacy for over 10 years. We don't do anything together anymore, not even going out to eat. The church has become her whole life outside of work and I feel totally abandoned. Being retired my life has become so lonely.
Plymouth
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 4/24/2012 10:06:32 AM
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ArticlePost
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Wow i'm not the only one.. Here's my story.. I'm married uurrgg heading for a divorce will be this July.. Yes i want out.. My children and i will be better off.. Their dad i'll call him has decided to stop working because of highblood pressure which he does not have much of... He takes 10 mil grams.. However now he lays around nonproductive... He does nothing at all he's dirty he's not clean and don't want to clean and everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie... He say's he's going to do something yet he sits... However he manages to sabotage anything i help him with... So now i have to do everything on my own and he does nothing... But he wants our son's to respect him Lol he's a joke he's lazy and if it wasn't for me those 11 yrs ago getting him the job he messed up on... He would have nothing at all. I jumped into this i'll jump out.. Life is Good and i'm moving on...
Lonely
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RE: “Separated” Married Couples - 4/30/2012 2:46:20 PM
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ArticlePost
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I am dumb-founded in what I read. Apparently a lot of people got married but did not listen to the vows they were making to their spouse and to God. What happened to the "better or worst"? I have been separated for 33 months and my wife tells me she is never coming back but I know that I did not make a contract with my wife that can be broken, but I made a covenant with my wife and God which cannot be broken. God never promised me happiness and as the man of this family I am responsible for it breaking apart. Had I built my marriage on the Rock of Jesus Christ my marriage would have withstood the storms, however I built my house on sand and when the storms came after 29 years of marriage, my happy home came tumbling down. Statistics show that first marriages end up divorce by 50%. Second marriages end up in divorce in the seventy percent range and the third goes even higher. The problem we have is that we are too busy blaming our spouses for our marriage failures and never look at what we did to cause the marriage to fail. God is the only way a marriage will survive and yes even if you are separated it takes only one to pray and cry out to God to save that marriage. Divorce is not the answer! Working to save your marriage is the only way. Get involved in a church that perpetuates marriage restoration and be with people who will support your stand in your marriage while separated and even if you are divorced. I will stand for my marriage until my death no matter how long I must wait. Winners never quit and quitters never when and the big losers of divorce are the children whose lives will be changed for the worst. Put your selfishness aside and stand firm for you marriage.
idahocntryboy
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