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fiery -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (4/12/2009 1:01:22 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
I consider this form of cheating very emotional, I have had quite a few run ins with this over the course of my relationship. He says, he was just doing it for a laugh, didn't mean it, it's harmless. Okay, I thought... he doesn't know these people... maybe they are doing the same thing. However, just after Christmas, I come across an email from a lady he works with at work. He said she wrote a few times, but he never emailed her back, so I figured, I write back and wish her a happy new year, be nice. Little did I know he had aleady done this, so my email from him, was just a joke, she knew it was me, she sent me some emails they had been writing back and forth. She said they made love, and that she loved him. He said they never, and he doesn't know why he even said anything sexual to her. So for the past few months we have been working on these issues, and playing a wedding, I wanted to put it off a year and he didn't see the need. So the invites are sent out, the dress is bought, church booked, reception everything. And then tonight what do i find out, he has another email address where he talks sexual to other women. Needless to say... I am an emtional wreck, and confussed... I had told him before if it ever happened again, I would have to break-up with him... Now it has and what do I do??? I can't marry a man who doesn't want to stop doing this, the marriage is already off to a bad start before it happens. Anyone with some advice would love to hear it... Confussed in Canada
Sarah
That's the problem with ultimatums. Once you lay them down, there's no way of going back really without looking weak. I think you know the answer here Sarah but you need someone else to say it. If he knows how much it upsets you and is not willing to stop now, then he's unlikely to stop it once you're married. In fact, he'll probably see it as you saying it's really okay with you if you now back down on this.
I think you were right to want a postponement until you're sure and he's wrong not to take how you feel into account, especially when it looks as if it went beyond email chat and spilled into real life connections. What's more important than the actual computer issue is how he's dismissing your feelings as inconsequential. He should be willing to give you all the time in the world you need to be sure if that's what you feel you need right now.
I feel it's better to cancel a wedding than to be stuck in something you'll always regret just to save face or divorcing later over this. If he can't put you first over anyone else at this point in your life when you're supposed to be in the most loving phase of your relationship, as soon to be newlyweds, when can he? Obviously you know him best and this is only an opinion. Perhaps he didn't get how serious you were about this when you approached him over it, but now's the time to decide whether you can or cannot accept it, before and not after the wedding. Good luck.
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