Display name  | |
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 4/12/2009 12:47:35 PM
|
|
|
fiery
Posts: 2820
Joined: 11/4/2007
Location: in front of my computer
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
For so long I would pretend that this was not happening. But it is. His computer is more important then me. Sometimes I think he does not want to get a job because it will get in the way of his viewing porn & being in chat rooms. He will not change- will he??
tg
Only you know that, tg. If you don't think he will and he's not showing any inclination to do so, then probably not. There's plenty of job sites he could be looking at online instead of porn.
_____________________________
The Cuckleburr Times
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart... - William Wordsworth
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 4/12/2009 1:01:22 PM
|
|
|
fiery
Posts: 2820
Joined: 11/4/2007
Location: in front of my computer
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
I consider this form of cheating very emotional, I have had quite a few run ins with this over the course of my relationship. He says, he was just doing it for a laugh, didn't mean it, it's harmless. Okay, I thought... he doesn't know these people... maybe they are doing the same thing. However, just after Christmas, I come across an email from a lady he works with at work. He said she wrote a few times, but he never emailed her back, so I figured, I write back and wish her a happy new year, be nice. Little did I know he had aleady done this, so my email from him, was just a joke, she knew it was me, she sent me some emails they had been writing back and forth. She said they made love, and that she loved him. He said they never, and he doesn't know why he even said anything sexual to her. So for the past few months we have been working on these issues, and playing a wedding, I wanted to put it off a year and he didn't see the need. So the invites are sent out, the dress is bought, church booked, reception everything. And then tonight what do i find out, he has another email address where he talks sexual to other women. Needless to say... I am an emtional wreck, and confussed... I had told him before if it ever happened again, I would have to break-up with him... Now it has and what do I do??? I can't marry a man who doesn't want to stop doing this, the marriage is already off to a bad start before it happens. Anyone with some advice would love to hear it... Confussed in Canada
Sarah
That's the problem with ultimatums. Once you lay them down, there's no way of going back really without looking weak. I think you know the answer here Sarah but you need someone else to say it. If he knows how much it upsets you and is not willing to stop now, then he's unlikely to stop it once you're married. In fact, he'll probably see it as you saying it's really okay with you if you now back down on this.
I think you were right to want a postponement until you're sure and he's wrong not to take how you feel into account, especially when it looks as if it went beyond email chat and spilled into real life connections. What's more important than the actual computer issue is how he's dismissing your feelings as inconsequential. He should be willing to give you all the time in the world you need to be sure if that's what you feel you need right now.
I feel it's better to cancel a wedding than to be stuck in something you'll always regret just to save face or divorcing later over this. If he can't put you first over anyone else at this point in your life when you're supposed to be in the most loving phase of your relationship, as soon to be newlyweds, when can he? Obviously you know him best and this is only an opinion. Perhaps he didn't get how serious you were about this when you approached him over it, but now's the time to decide whether you can or cannot accept it, before and not after the wedding. Good luck.
_____________________________
The Cuckleburr Times
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart... - William Wordsworth
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 4/23/2009 7:59:31 PM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
what should i do..have been in a relationship for 7mths..we do not live together..but i am very fond of him..i had a stong feeling of insecurity..and check out the dating sites..to which i wasnt surprised to find him on 6..i did confront him about this..and he deleted all profiles..execpt 1..which he has hidden..all this proves to me is the obis..that i am nothing..what should i do!!!..
carolanne
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 4/24/2009 12:34:21 PM
|
|
|
ChristineB
Posts: 2017
Joined: 12/7/2007
Status: offline
|
Hi there...I am sorry to hear about you dilemma and trust me, I feel your pain, I went through the same thing. All I can say is, at least you found out early, and you don't live together. I don't think it means it is over, but you should definitely ask yourself what you want out this relationship, and if you are both on the same page.
I am in a healthy relationship now and would honestly never even thinking of checking emails or websites, I think that's the difference between trusting and healthy and unhealthy. It's all what you want out of life and what you're willing to settle for...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 5/12/2009 12:28:23 AM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
I found out that my wife of eight years has been having an online affair with poet boy. She uses the same rationale of “it was harmless flirtation” and that it “wasn’t physical”, so I should just move on. Yet she can’t seem to keep from going back to his myspace page or resist from leaving him comments on myspace pages where he hangs out. Now she continually tries to blame me for her actions. With two small children, it is difficult to move past the betrayal.
Rodger
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 7/19/2009 5:03:04 AM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
I found out my gf was posted on a few dating sites wearing gifts I gave her including views of her sexy tatas i never got pic of with flowers from ?? and of our home thats very special to me and till this day I am painfully hurt because I trusted her with my all and love her MORE THEN I CAN SAY.We have been at war over my bitterness and I feel so betrayed after I found out she had met with a guy may be more had sex and still communicate daily behine me and chat living a double life while i am away working. It was a gut feeling before I found out with all the signs they are real.I am dead in the water now tired and sad.
Dv
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 7/20/2009 5:48:01 PM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
I made a big mistake. I was down in US for a trade show, and along with my two colleges we met a women around my age also exhibiting at the trade show. In my industry typically the exhibitors are 25+ years older than me, so we don't hang out with many people our age. Not trying to justify just telling the story. This girl has a bf back home was down with her Dad for the show and so we all went out for dinner and had a good time, nothing sexual. We went out again the next night and then it was just my two colleges. We were just having a good time and NOTHING happened physically. When the trade show ended we all decided to stay in touch on online, just friendly. I had been emailing back in forth with this girl for over six months. Nothing long winded or anything, but I didn't tell my wife, which I realize is betraying her. Over the course of the emails many of them became flirty in nature and I thought it was just innocent. Here's were gets worse. My wife and I will have been together for almost 10 years and will have been married for 5 years this year. We also have two kids. Recently I left my account open and she read all my emails. I NEVER wanted this to ruin our relationship and potentially lose my kids. I would normally say I'm a great husband and father, who just made the biggest mistake of my life. I want to be with my wife and kids. Do I have a chance of saving my marriage and life? After reading all these posts and doing some soul searching I realize I emotionly cheated on her and broke her trust. Any feed back would be appreciated.
Steve
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 8/4/2009 6:41:13 PM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
My husband cheated on me physically while I was pregnant. It was a very hard decision for me to stay with him and at the time it was basically for the kids. Now Ive started an internet/phone relationship with a married man, and all the resentment Ive felt for the past three years is gone. I now understand how a person can just connect with someone else. It isnt about revenge or anything like that. This just happened and it opened my eyes.I dont think what Im doing is right, and wont make excuses for it, but to feel this relief has changed my life. We are all human. We all have weaknesses. And if my husband had only been sending e-mails or visiting chatrooms I would not have cared. I believe that an online fantasy is no worse than a fantasy in your head, or watching porn. I admit that exchanging calls escalated what Im doing beyond mere fantasy, but Im not putting my family in jeopardy by chancing getting an STD or getting pregnant by another man. If my husband had gotten another woman pregnant then I would have divorced him, no question. I love my husband more than anything, and to understand how he could have done what he did is humbling. Love is forgivness.
laci
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 8/5/2009 11:33:06 AM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
I have a problem with my husband who is always on line and communicates with this lady who is also married according to my husband. He will text this woman that she is sleeping if she around he would like to chat with her unfortunately or my husband he orgot to sign of and i read all the messages that has been going on with them I waited for 2 weeks b4 asking him on 4 days ago he left the bedroom and decided to be by himself because he does not see it as cheating and said i nag too much i was ble to get the womans pix that she posted to him and the pix that he posted to her to as evidence but he claims he is far across the ocean and that has no intension of seen the woman I am dissapointed we have 2 kids 21yrs and 16yrs the woman calls the house and he has her phone numbers. it hurts
cyndi
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 9/29/2009 4:07:36 PM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
There are many different ways of cheating. If the devil can't convince someone to cheat in the body, then he will try to with emotions. What business does someone have chating with someone else's husband or wife - NONE! It amazes me how loosely people act by laughing and talking on the phone or email with a married person! They have no right - there is a HOLY SACRED VOW to the Lord & to their spouse. Remember, if you are caught up in an affair - no matter how much the devil tries to convince you that you love the other person - YOU CAN'T "LOVE" someone who has helped you to break the 7th commandment ~ if you feel "love" think again - it's perverted lust from the devil! Then, if you assist in breaking up a home - "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL someones husband or wife. Plus, the commandment - "THOU SHALT NOT COVET" - people break 3 commandments by getting involved with married people. This is a trick of the enemy - to take the truth down. You can get forgiven of the sin, but you will reap what you have sown, because God is not mocked. The bible says - be not deceived, ADULTERES will not inherit the kingdom of God. Spiritually or phyically - cheating is cheating. Wake up, people! The enemy is out to destroy homes - anything that is sacred in God's eyes - he wants it destroyed! BUT - there is a God - no matter how bad you marriage is - turn to HIM for help - not to the devil's lies - he is out to kill, steal and destroy on ANY level. FIGHT FOR YOU MARRIAGE on a spiritual and physical level!!! When you die and go to your final destination you won't regret taking a stand for the truth! We can't put ourselves in situations by talking via email, text or whatever to someone elses spouse. God is watching our every move! That is why the bible says for women to have downcast eyes, so they will not entice men into the act of adultery with their flattering eyes and lips - look in the bible - it's all there. Pray and fast for what God has joined together and stay away for someone that has scared vows to God & their spouse - you have no business to help take it down, by chating with them or what have you. The devil is out to take it down on any level he can! GOD WON THE BATTLE ON CALVARY'S CROSS!
Marital Fight
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/1/2009 3:07:20 PM
|
|
|
fiery
Posts: 2820
Joined: 11/4/2007
Location: in front of my computer
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
There are many different ways of cheating. If the devil can't convince someone to cheat in the body, then he will try to with emotions. What business does someone have chating with someone else's husband or wife - NONE! It amazes me how loosely people act by laughing and talking on the phone or email with a married person! They have no right - there is a HOLY SACRED VOW to the Lord & to their spouse. Remember, if you are caught up in an affair - no matter how much the devil tries to convince you that you love the other person - YOU CAN'T "LOVE" someone who has helped you to break the 7th commandment ~ if you feel "love" think again - it's perverted lust from the devil! Then, if you assist in breaking up a home - "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL someones husband or wife. Plus, the commandment - "THOU SHALT NOT COVET" - people break 3 commandments by getting involved with married people. This is a trick of the enemy - to take the truth down. You can get forgiven of the sin, but you will reap what you have sown, because God is not mocked. The bible says - be not deceived, ADULTERES will not inherit the kingdom of God. Spiritually or phyically - cheating is cheating. Wake up, people! The enemy is out to destroy homes - anything that is sacred in God's eyes - he wants it destroyed! BUT - there is a God - no matter how bad you marriage is - turn to HIM for help - not to the devil's lies - he is out to kill, steal and destroy on ANY level. FIGHT FOR YOU MARRIAGE on a spiritual and physical level!!! When you die and go to your final destination you won't regret taking a stand for the truth! We can't put ourselves in situations by talking via email, text or whatever to someone elses spouse. God is watching our every move! That is why the bible says for women to have downcast eyes, so they will not entice men into the act of adultery with their flattering eyes and lips - look in the bible - it's all there. Pray and fast for what God has joined together and stay away for someone that has scared vows to God & their spouse - you have no business to help take it down, by chating with them or what have you. The devil is out to take it down on any level he can! GOD WON THE BATTLE ON CALVARY'S CROSS!
Marital Fight
Good grief. Let me make sure I understand you. Married people shouldn't be allowed to talk or laugh with others or be talked to by single people? So basically you give up any kind of socializing whatsoever once you get married? No wonder no one wants to get wed anymore.
Does that include going to church picnics, Sunday service and all the other church functions where a person might - gasp - talk and laugh with a married person? It might even be the preacher they converse with! Does that count as well? What you say makes no sense.
And the "women should have downcast eyes" line just blew me away. What century do you live in? It's up to the MEN to control their actions just as much as the women. You can't blame it all on women because it takes TWO to have sex. The devil has less to do with it than plain old fashioned lust.
I believe in God. And I believe in a loving God, not a judgmental one. But I don't believe that threatening someone that God is watching makes one ounce of difference. If they want to do it they shall. Remember, God was the one that gave us free will. 
_____________________________
The Cuckleburr Times
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart... - William Wordsworth
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/1/2009 4:14:15 PM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
First of all, you took me wrong. Secondly, I'm married to a preacher so I have church functions reguraly. LOL! What this was pertaining to was internet cheating - yes, I believe when people are corresponding via text or email - enjoying emotional talks while the spouse has no clue is a form of cheating and can lead to physical cheating. I do not want to go into a war with you over the word of God, but in all reality - the bible speaks of a flatter that entices with her eyes and lips. Also, it says that a whorish woman takes a man down to piece of bread. The bible talks about a whoreish woman several times. You asked what century do I live in? Well, God is the same yesterday, today and FOREVER! You are right - God is very merciful on one side, but also there are judgments for those who do not live according to His word - if you read your bible you will see all about HEAVEN & HELL - why? because on one side he is merciful, but on the other there are judgments. Also, it says in the book of John that when we committ sin it is of the devil. Yes, we have free will and have to choose right from wrong, but there is a devil that entices - Eve fell in the garden by being enticed by a serpent. Too me there is nothing worth spendng eternity in hell over. Like you said God gave us free will - that's how awesome He is - we can choose His ways or ours! If you don't believe in hell, then you don't believe in the bible. God is not a liar - the bible warns who will go there. He doesn't want us to go there. He is merciful and wants us in heaven with Him, but the choice is up to us (free will). We all are full of lust, so we have to take control of it or it will control us. It does take two to tangle - therefore, we should watch how we act with someone who is married - there is a sacred vow there. Basically, affairs have to start somewhere - one thing leads to another. That is why I believe we should watch our actions at all times - that is what I meant by being to "loose" with a married person. No, I don't think it is right to connect with someone on an emotional level. If your single, then go find a single person to mingle with not a married one. It's about God - not us anyway! God Bless You! =)
HIS WORDS - NOT MINE!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/2/2009 2:01:26 PM
|
|
|
fiery
Posts: 2820
Joined: 11/4/2007
Location: in front of my computer
Status: offline
|
The great thing is that we're all entitled to form our own opinions and belief systems. I'm not a person that goes to war with anyone over anything. However I will challenge things I don't agree with if I feel strongly enough about it. I call it as I see it. It's my biggest strength or weakness depending on how you look at it.
I absolutely agree with you that we all need to watch our actions at all times. Both halves of a marriage need to be willing to work at that though. It cannot be all one sided because when one person wants a marriage to work and the other doesn't have that level of commitment or to rejuvenate their relationship to save it, it's sadly almost certainly doomed for failure. On other points I'll agree to disagree and leave it like that. Thanks for replying!
_____________________________
The Cuckleburr Times
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart... - William Wordsworth
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/8/2009 7:55:26 AM
|
|
|
ChristineB
Posts: 2017
Joined: 12/7/2007
Status: offline
|
I think any relationship formed on the internet or elsewhere, that is a secret from your partner is cheating. I think it's that simple.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/19/2009 7:58:10 PM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
Its been going on for 2 yrs and im almost out of here.its the worst feeling to know he would rather let me go rather than stop.the porn was every where.i started to get wise when i put in his old emai address.we had gotten a new computer,some info was there and it looked incriminating phone dail ups thank you from some women named maria about helping her out.when i asked him about it he said i was crazy.i hired a detective to download the hard drive.i was so upset i didnt read the fine print they cannot obtain info held by the server etc.that was 1600 down the drain.i found alot of stuff on the desktop alone.of course i didnt know what i was talking about.i taped him with a mini recorder and bought expensive earphones.i heard him looking up other women and etc what a terrible ordeal.next month goodbye after 32 years.
Cindy M
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/29/2009 2:18:12 AM
|
|
|
ArticlePost
Posts: 1008
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline
|
I just found my wife was e-mailing an old fling she had when she was 19. shes 36 now so it has been awhile. she says it was just an innocent "hows it going?", but reading the e-mails it was anything but innocent. This happened in what i'm led to beleave is less than a month's time. there where phone calls, text messages and pictext also. She can't or won't beleave me on how bad this truly is. We've been married for almost ten years and a couple for over twelve years. She's trying to justifier her cheating by blaming me for driving her to it. What she doesn't realize is that I also have just as many grievances in our marriage as she does, but I'm not out looking for nor am i sharing an intimate relationship with another. Not sure where to go from here.
Mark S
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? - 10/29/2009 5:22:46 PM
|
|
|
ChristineB
Posts: 2017
Joined: 12/7/2007
Status: offline
|
Thats a tough one. Maybe she is just re-connecting with an old friend. If you're happily married and she told you thats not so bad. Is it?
_____________________________
http://www.fourleafclover.us
writing, a different wave of life....
|
|
|
|
|
|
Printable Version
