Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (Full Version)

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ArticlePost -> Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (1/28/2008 2:04:41 PM)

There is a site on the internet where men and women openly discuss their “internet affairs.” It is a kind of online therapy for cheaters. A friend who does a lot of web-surfing directed me to it. She thought I might be interested in writing an article on people who cheat on their spouses via the web

Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating?
http://articles.familylobby.com/460-Internet-Relationships---Is-It-Cheating.htm



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (1/28/2008 2:04:41 PM)

“It hurts to know that your husband or wife has an intimate relationship with another person, whether it is in person or on the internet. Emotional cheating destroys trust too.” This is definitely cheating!

Nicole



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (5/25/2008 3:17:54 PM)

If your man never meets these women, yet in some way his time talking to them online takes away from your relationship, it's cheating- in the emotional sense.

Ellen



ChristineB -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (5/26/2008 6:01:54 PM)

I think cheating can be defined in terms of honesty and loyalty.  If someone is online and flirting it's no different than in person because it still violates the basic idea of trust and honesty.



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (7/2/2008 3:57:07 PM)

yes it is chesting because you are not focusing on one lover

cat



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (7/24/2008 9:45:52 PM)

Wow, my boyfriend did this to me. & honestly it's killing me. He told me that it wasn't cheating& he was just playing a joke on her, but whatever. I just broke up with him for good today (: I'm proud of myself.

Kristen



Ishcaboo -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (7/28/2008 2:59:39 PM)

Answering why people (men) cheat on their spouses is not easy to come by. Situations and opportunities are as good of starting points as any. I'm sure all men in commited relationships, married or otherwise, would not cheat for any reasons, but some do and will. I think a woman should try to differentiate sex and love. I think a man can have sex with a woman and forget about her as soon as it is over. Is it right? No, but it can and does happen. I think a wife should not remain with a man who cannot remain faithful to her and the best way I know for him to do that is to not allow himself to get into situations where a cheating opportunity could develop. And spend quality time with his family and provide an family atomosphere wherein his wife and family can be proud that he is part of them. Ask yourself would you be happier not having him in your life based on his past conduct. If not, give the another chance. May God bless you and your family.



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (9/5/2008 8:52:49 AM)

My boyfriend of 3 years had an online relationship with a girl for about a month and I had no idea about it. He made her a video where he told her he loved her. He wrote that he has been lying to me for our entire relationship and he's always loved this online girl. He's never met her, she's lives in California, and she could be a man for all he knows. I'm so angry that he risked everything with me for this online girl. Where do you go from here?

itzybitzy



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (10/20/2008 1:56:42 PM)

Hi, everyone. This will be a long post. Today is my six month anniversary with my husband, and it has really got me thinking. I've recently discovered that my husband is an internet cheater. This happened about two months before our wedding, while he was 2,000 miles away for work. He had signed up on a sex site (name of site removed by admin) and had contacted women by email from there. He took inappropriate photos of himself to exchange with these women..and one email included flirtation and the suggestion of possibly meeting in person. I can find no evidence that he actually met any of these women, and he swears that he did not. I believe him on this. He is a terrible liar and has been very open with me concerning this situation when I approached him with what I had found. He says that he kept this discretion from me because he was afraid that I would leave him if I ever knew, but also swears that he was reaching the breaking point and was going to confess before much longer - the guilt was too much. I also believe that he means it - the introspective and uneasy way he has been acting recently was the catalyst in my search. We have had a week of very deep conversations, and I have realized that I am willing to forgive him and go to counseling together. My husband has been heroic in his efforts to fix our relationship. I expected him to either shut down or become beligerant when discussing these issues, but it has been quite the opposite. He was the one to suggest counseling and he deleted his email account (again, his idea). He tells me that he is sorry and that he never meant to hurt me. He has said that he did not think of what he did as cheating at the time that it happened - in his mind cheating is when you are physical with someone else. But after the devastation that this has caused in our marriage, he told me that he understands that even though he did not meet her, he knows that his emails were unfaithful - and that he was completely in the wrong by deliberately putting himself in a situation where I would question his fidelity. After that one late night of emails, he felt that he did something wrong (even though to him at the time it wasn't cheating) and he deleted his profile on the sex site and had wanted to forget it ever happened. We hope to be able to receive counseling within the next week. I hope that it will help. I know that he is sorry for his actions, and that all he wants is to be a good husband. Shortly after we were married he completely stopped looking at porn (something he obviously has an addiction to) and I do believe that it was his own way of cleansing himself of the guilt he felt from his 'pre-marriage infidelity'. I am at the point where I know that I can forgive him - part of me already has. I am just questioning on whether or not I can let go of my distrust and rebuild what we have lost. I am concerned by the fact that he did not just look at pornography (I understand the need for it when you're 2,000 mile





ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (10/20/2008 2:11:04 PM)

(I understand the need for it when you're 2,000 miles away for months at a time) - but that he was emailing with real women and it seemed that he had every intention of meeting one of them. I do not want to become a wife that questions his every move. That is not healthy for either of us. I want to trust him the next time he is across the US or the world. Has anyone ever been to counseling after a similar situation? How do you get past the distrust? I love my husband with all of my heart and have every hope that he will respect our marriage as he did not respect our engagement.

princessebethany



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (2/19/2009 1:19:27 PM)

While I was dating my husband I caught him internet cheating. I broke up with him. He swore he would never do it again. I suspected he was soing it so I put software on his laptop. After 5 year of marriage I have caught him again. From what I have read he is into watching me have sex with other men. He has a favorite girl he has been seeing online and has online sex with her. He goes to websites about hung males and wants them to have sex with me. I'm devastated by what I have found. Shocked. You would never suspect he has these fantasies. I'm so freaked out right now. What in the hell do I do? All my money is tied up in our ranch.

Terri



fiery -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (2/20/2009 12:20:04 PM)

Not to put too fine a point on it, have you actually tried talking to him Terri or just spied on what he's been doing via the software? Maybe his fantasies are just that...fantasies and he wants to keep them that way. It's not like he's having sex with someone in your bed, more like reading an adult magazine. I gather you're reading message boards he's posted on or something. Before you get too hot under the collar over the whole deal and thinking divorce, you should talk to him about it.  Give yourself a chance to get over the shock before doing anything and prepare for a sit down conversation about why he feels the need to do that - but only if you can handle the answers. If you can't, then your only option is to choose to accept it or not. Otherwise you go on with your life and pretend you don't know. That's the reality of the situation. But once you open that can of worms, there's no going back.




ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (2/22/2009 9:40:05 PM)

To me it is exactly like he is having sex with another woman in my bed. When he came to bed after being on the internet he always wanted sex. I would have liked to have been involved in getting him there, not some other woman of man for that matter. You make marriage sound cheap and disposible. Guess it is. What I read was actual converstations of my husband kissing, licking and caressing other women. Not now, not ever. When I tried to talk to him he froze up. Then he went to take a shower and bailed out the back door. I started getting text msgs telling me I was abusive and he wanted a divorce. I had to turn off his cell phone as it was turning ugly. He showed up three hrs later and tried to break down the door. He cut my satelite TV wires and then was going to get in his skidster and take down every building on this place including my house. I had taken the keys out earlier as he sneaked back and stole my car. If I hadn't done that I would not have a house right now and he would be in jail for several felonies. I had to call the police and he was arrested for cutting the wires. It is a misd. in Ca to commit vandilism. I didn't want him there but I had no choice. He balled up his fist to hit me and I was truly scared. I was granted an emergency rest order. He is not allowed within 5 miles of our home now. Hope it was all worth it. I'm over the shock..now just hurt and dumbfounded. This time it was all my fault for trusting. Shame on me. If your man cheats he will do it again and again ladies. Addiction isn't pretty. My advice...don't have a computer in the house. It is like putting a whore in the corner.

Terri



fenderpig -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (2/26/2009 4:26:24 PM)

yep..it's cheating... . If you want a relationship, then look to your spouse, and if you think your life is not going anywhere , get off the computer, and go to your significant other and remember that you married him/her lol That's a good place to start lol



ChristineB -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (2/27/2009 12:15:11 PM)

I agree, since trust is everything by simple definition it would equal cheating, to me anyway.



fiery -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (3/16/2009 10:12:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

To me it is exactly like he is having sex with another woman in my bed. When he came to bed after being on the internet he always wanted sex. I would have liked to have been involved in getting him there, not some other woman of man for that matter. You make marriage sound cheap and disposible. Guess it is. What I read was actual converstations of my husband kissing, licking and caressing other women. Not now, not ever. When I tried to talk to him he froze up. Then he went to take a shower and bailed out the back door. I started getting text msgs telling me I was abusive and he wanted a divorce. I had to turn off his cell phone as it was turning ugly. He showed up three hrs later and tried to break down the door. He cut my satelite TV wires and then was going to get in his skidster and take down every building on this place including my house. I had taken the keys out earlier as he sneaked back and stole my car. If I hadn't done that I would not have a house right now and he would be in jail for several felonies. I had to call the police and he was arrested for cutting the wires. It is a misd. in Ca to commit vandilism. I didn't want him there but I had no choice. He balled up his fist to hit me and I was truly scared. I was granted an emergency rest order. He is not allowed within 5 miles of our home now. Hope it was all worth it. I'm over the shock..now just hurt and dumbfounded. This time it was all my fault for trusting. Shame on me. If your man cheats he will do it again and again ladies. Addiction isn't pretty. My advice...don't have a computer in the house. It is like putting a whore in the corner.

Terri


Terri, I'm sorry you think I make marriage sound cheap and disposable to your ears. I don't consider it so at all. In fact, I stayed in a marriage for sixteen years where my husband was an alcoholic for ten because I believe that you should keep on trying until you can't anymore. That's what I did.

But would I want to stay with a guy that behaved like you just described? Never. And I'm not talking about his online behavior. I did try to warn you in my post when I said that once you opened that can of worms, there was no going back. I'm sorry it all got so ugly, Terri. You can't blame the computer though, it's just a machine. Only the person behind the keyboard.



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (4/3/2009 1:40:06 PM)

For so long I would pretend that this was not happening. But it is. His computer is more important then me. Sometimes I think he does not want to get a job because it will get in the way of his viewing porn & being in chat rooms. He will not change- will he??

tg



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (4/12/2009 1:47:36 AM)

I consider this form of cheating very emotional, I have had quite a few run ins with this over the course of my relationship. He says, he was just doing it for a laugh, didn't mean it, it's harmless. Okay, I thought... he doesn't know these people... maybe they are doing the same thing. However, just after Christmas, I come across an email from a lady he works with at work. He said she wrote a few times, but he never emailed her back, so I figured, I write back and wish her a happy new year, be nice. Little did I know he had aleady done this, so my email from him, was just a joke, she knew it was me, she sent me some emails they had been writing back and forth. She said they made love, and that she loved him. He said they never, and he doesn't know why he even said anything sexual to her. So for the past few months we have been working on these issues, and playing a wedding, I wanted to put it off a year and he didn't see the need. So the invites are sent out, the dress is bought, church booked, reception everything. And then tonight what do i find out, he has another email address where he talks sexual to other women. Needless to say... I am an emtional wreck, and confussed... I had told him before if it ever happened again, I would have to break-up with him... Now it has and what do I do??? I can't marry a man who doesn't want to stop doing this, the marriage is already off to a bad start before it happens. Anyone with some advice would love to hear it... Confussed in Canada

Sarah



ArticlePost -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (4/12/2009 10:02:35 AM)

I consider this form of cheating very emotional, I have had quite a few run ins with this over the course of my relationship. He says, he was just doing it for a laugh, didn't mean it, it's harmless. Okay, I thought... he doesn't know these people... maybe they are doing the same thing. However, just after Christmas, I come across an email from a lady he works with at work. He said she wrote a few times, but he never emailed her back, so I figured, I write back and wish her a happy new year, be nice. Little did I know he had aleady done this, so my email from him, was just a joke, she knew it was me, she sent me some emails they had been writing back and forth. She said they made love, and that she loved him. He said they never, and he doesn't know why he even said anything sexual to her. So for the past few months we have been working on these issues, and playing a wedding, I wanted to put it off a year and he didn't see the need. So the invites are sent out, the dress is bought, church booked, reception everything. And then tonight what do i find out, he has another email address where he talks sexual to other women. Needless to say... I am an emtional wreck, and confussed... I had told him before if it ever happened again, I would have to break-up with him... Now it has and what do I do??? I can't marry a man who doesn't want to stop doing this, the marriage is already off to a bad start before it happens. Anyone with some advice would love to hear it... Confussed in Canada

Sarah



fiery -> RE: Internet Relationships - Is It Cheating? (4/12/2009 12:47:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

For so long I would pretend that this was not happening. But it is. His computer is more important then me. Sometimes I think he does not want to get a job because it will get in the way of his viewing porn & being in chat rooms. He will not change- will he??

tg


Only you know that, tg. If you don't think he will and he's not showing any inclination to do so, then probably not. There's plenty of job sites he could be looking at online instead of porn.



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