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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/2/2008 3:20:00 AM
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ArticlePost
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Hi im 23 years old meand my husband have been married for two years in july. i have lots of problems with his ex wife and foe the last six months he has been cheating on me with his ex wife. i dont get it we have a two year old beautiful daughter and i dont know what to do. His ex wife cheated on him so many times when they were together and i just dont get it. now he says he is more in love with me then ever and i just dont know what to do. are sex life wasnt great and he did things with her he didnt ever do with me. i guess i just dont know is he not over her or what. should i just move on?
Ashley
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/2/2008 5:48:23 PM
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ChristineB
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Hi Ashely and welcome. That's a tough call, and one that only you can make. When deicsions are hard, really hard, like this one I try to think with my heart, not my head. Try to not over think, just sit quietly and listen to yourself. You will know, one way or the other what to do. What you hear may not be what you want to hear but if you trust that little voice, it will be the right decision for you.
I hope this helps. I know it's tough, I've been there and I would bet most people in this forum and in the world have been there too. Looking back, listening to your Self is always the best bet. Go with your gut, your instinct and your heart. You'll never be wrong.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/3/2008 1:16:10 PM
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Ishcaboo
Posts: 36
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I;ve been a cheater with an ex-wife, but not now. It was difficult when I visited my children at her home and the children wanted to do activities as a family that did not include my current wife. Example, child wants to walk holding a hand from each parent. Children want to play on floor with both parents. I knew I shouldn't have played family games that included my ex while excluding my current. Things just led up to sex, and after the first time, it became something rather routine. After many occurrences, I became ashamed and told her I couldn't do it any more. Even though my wife never found out about it, I still am pained for what I did, even when making love with my wife, whom I truly do love.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/4/2008 1:34:11 PM
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fiery
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Ashley, you need to think long and hard about whether you're willing to continue to accept this. You have a two year old to think of.
They want to have their cake and eat it, in my opinion. Don't give them the day to day responsibility of looking after the kids oh no or helping you do it too so you can share more time together, including feeling more like sex because you're not exhausted. No, they just want the fun stuff that happened before kids came along when they want it. I think it's shameful to keep not only the ex hanging that might be harboring hopes of reconciliation but to deceive the new love. How much more could you undermine a new partner's feelings about the relationship than to have sex with your ex, the most intimate act two people can share? I could never ever forgive that. It would crush me.
Guys, relationships are fragile enough and if you can't trust yourself to be alone with your ex, don't put yourself in that situation. Meet the kids at McDonalds or something. Don't play happy families with your ex, because that's what you're doing. It's also unfair on the kids too who might think you'll get back together when you have no plans for that to happen. And by the way, just because you haven't owned up to it doesn't mean it's past and you got away with it. There's nothing stopping your ex giving your current partner a call one day when they're feeling vindictive or think you've given them false hope that you'll get back together. Either put your energies into making the effort with your wife to build a better relationship instead of sleeping with your ex, because something is obviously missing there that needs to be addressed, or be honest and end the current relationship.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/10/2008 7:13:04 AM
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ArticlePost
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I just found out my fiancee cheated on me and i feel devastated. it was with a woman that i told him repeatedly i did not trust, and he always laughed off my concerns. i have been with him my entire adult life and i truly thought we were happy. he has apologized profusely and wants to make it work. i cant imagine my life without him, but after what happened, i cant bear to look at him, and i am terrified that if i stay, this will always be hanging over us. Our wedding is only three months away, and i have no idea what to do.
Gwen
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/10/2008 4:49:47 PM
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ArticlePost
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my husband and i have separated after 24 years ofmarriage. He was online with a coworker talking constantly and calling her or her him ALL the time. We fought over this because i thought it was wrong. She is married as well. He said they are just GOOD friends and now his best friend. Since we have separated they see each other and he began dating as well with her and others. But he calls me once in a while and tells me he doesn't want to give me false hope , but he misses me and wants to take it slow and see where it goes with me. When I am around him which has only been 2 times for only a couple hours , i feel like a stranger and have nothing to say.. i feel betrayed and no trust anymore with him. There are times when i don't hear from him in 6 weeks.. he calls maybe now 1 time a day or less.. think this is a midlife crises? or do you think the coworker is the one for him.. he said he is not allowed to talk to her anymore.guess her hubby found out... but he still is texting her ..and now calls me to tell me about her... whats up with this???????????????
dee
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/12/2008 5:43:49 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs. He is having medical problems and decided to clear his guilt over coffee in Cracker Barrell by tellingme that he has been having an emotional affair for almost 15 years. No sex, but petting...I am devastated. We have 8 and 9 yr old kids. My daughter, 9, heard everything during an argument. She is having as hard a time as I am. I don't know what to do. If he were healthy, and could get away without giving up any money, he would be with her. But because I'm not willing to walk away with nothing, she doesn't want him. BUT, he would if she would say the word. I don't want him here. But I want my kids and I want to leave the state to go live by my sister. He has agreed to move with me. But once we are there I want him OUT. Am I wrong for doing things this way...considering for the past 15 yrs, what he did to me.
lostmyself
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/12/2008 2:42:48 PM
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Serenity
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Hi everyone!
I guess this is for you all or whom ever can answer this best. I have been married for 6 and half years going on 7. My husband and i have been having issue for the last 2 and a half years with trust factor. He cheated and eventually told me about it. I chose to except it and move forward but not forgetting however 6 months ago the person he cheated on me with sneds an email saying that she had a baby that was about to turn 2 and she thought it was his baby. Wow it is still really new to me cause i just found out and I feel really stupid cause I am hurt and angry but I love my husband to. I am not sure what to do. I know if I take him back I have to except that outside child with open arms cause he is my step son but what hurts is I can't have anymore children and we came into the marriage already with children. None together and he knew do to me having an illness that I have to have a hesterectomy which threw that idea out the window for us. What would you do in my situation? Stay or GO?
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/12/2008 2:48:54 PM
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Serenity
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I know exactly what you are feeling I went thru the same thing with my husband. What I would say do is continue to love your current wife as you have and you must cut those kind of tides with the ex, my thing is if you all where meant to be you would not be currently married right! So you need to ask yourself is having sex with my ex worth loosing my current wife cause eventually waht you do in the dark comes to the light. I know you heard that beofre. I do however commend the fact that you stopped on your own.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/16/2008 5:36:24 PM
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ArticlePost
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I, too, know exactly what each of you are feeling but I didn't think as I'm sure most of you didn't, that I would be looking for answers from others who went or are going through this. I feel that I'm dying inside and that my life was altered and tainted because at this time I am totally obsessed with horrible thoughts and don't think that I will ever get this out of my mind.
Bren
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/24/2008 3:46:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have discovered my husband (second for both of us) has been cheating online with women. He is having explicit sex talks, even while I am in the room! I discovered this when our power went out and when it was restored his chats appeared on the screen. He says he likes it and won't change.
Leanne
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/1/2008 1:58:45 PM
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ArticlePost
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I am not married, but I have a problem I need to talk to someone about. Me and my boyfriend of two and a half years, lived together. It had felt like a marriage, but the unhealthy thing was we would not have sex. It had bothered the both of us, but I am the one who decided to go and get with two other men, being the person I am, I had to tell him how devistated I have become. Doing that act was the worst thing I could have ever done, but it made me realize that he is the one I want to spend my life with. Being twenty I thought I needed to have sex and wasn't being satisfied, but now I know we could have sex if we were more open with eachother. I hope he comes back to me...
lost
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/2/2008 2:44:04 PM
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ArticlePost
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Um..I was with the same man for 4 years...Our wedding was supposed to be august 30th but I found out he was cheating. HE came clean about everything and grabbed me, begging me not to leave him. He has been beggin outside of my door for weeks and is declaring that he is a changed man at the thought of loosing me. He said he ended the three week affair after she threatened to harm me in order to have him. I am so devastated. I saved myself for marriage and it just seems like "the whores" are what men want rather than a classy women. I am a psychologist and still don't understand the pathology of a cheater!
Destroyed
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/13/2008 2:13:57 AM
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ArticlePost
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when my husband was away on a trip i looked through his personal stuff and found sex tapes of him with a prostitute and another with him alone he's a sex addict and takes hash on daily basis we haven't had sex for almost 2 years as he blames my character that he dislikes and that i am not dirty sexually enough to arouse him .. i am under a shock after watching those tapes and i feel destroyed totally
ronda
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/2/2008 12:55:00 PM
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ArticlePost
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My boyfriend and I have been together for a year July 11th and back in March I started getting a gut feeling that something wasnt right. So I took it upon myself to go through his things.What I found made me even more suspicios.He has a whole shoe box full of DVD Porn and a box of condoms that had been opened so I counted them .. and I continued to go back and count them every week and found that some were missing every time I checked them so I decided to go further and check his cell phone and wallet I found passwords to all his email accounts which I started checking and passwords to dating sites he had apparently been using. He had his phone locked to where I couldnt check his sent calls or received calls nor his text mesgs but he forgot to lock his media gallery and I went through all his pics and found a pic of a girl named Aimee I also found a pic of her breast he had on his phone..I questined him about everything and of course he lied to me and said that breast pic was something one of his friends sent him and that aimee and him were just friends that he had met through this other girl he knew that I didnt even know he had known. He said she was having marital problems and that they talked about her problems. I tried to accept what he told me as the truth but I kept having this gut feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasnt right so one weekend while I was out of town I set up a fake email account and started talking to him online well he replied wanting to meet me and the day that I scheduled for the meeting to happen was the date that I was coming back from out of town and he and I were suppose to be together well he sent me a text telling me that one of his friends had an accident that he needed to go to the hospital to see about him and I knew I had got him..he was going to cheat on me with this fake girl I had set him up with...I busted him for this and then found out he had been cheating on me with this aimee girl that ended up being a married woman. He had been lieing to me the whole time and he said he stayed with her because she was threatening to tell me about them ..which I think is B*** S***. She since has went back to her husband and is now pregnant and in the bottom of my stomach I wonder who the baby belongs to and at first I wanted to try to work things out with him but Im scared to death he will do me like this again..he has taken my self esteem away ..I feel so bad about my self and I know I dont need to be this way..what am I going to do..I cant stand looking at him and I dont feel the same way but I feel sorry for him..Everytime I try to tell him how I feel he threatens to end his life..I dont want him to do something stupid like that. What can I do !!
Dont know what to do ??
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/7/2008 10:02:41 AM
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Ishcaboo
Posts: 36
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If you were my female family member I'd strongly encourage you to immediately begin living your life without that guy and would personally work with you to facilitate such a move. I have been a cheater and, contrary to popular belief, a cheater can change that type of behavior. I believe the risk of losing a girl friend or spouse of value needs to be more important a few minutes of sexual intercourse to the cheater. Your guy obviously does not think the value of his relationship with you is very important to him. You can do it!!
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/15/2008 12:22:17 PM
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ArticlePost
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The one that it hurt was my daughter. I feel once a cheater always a cheater. If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. Go and get you a STD test. His friends might be carring something you don't want. It is sad because it hurts the whole family, not just the spouse.The other men in the family are very upset.I bet this wasn't those guys first time. They just got caught THIS time. I don't care how much money he has your sanity is worth more than he can give. You got it I am very upset about this. We support our daughter in whatever decision she makes but the family will NEVER be the same.
Mom
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/24/2008 6:28:09 PM
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ArticlePost
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i just found out my husband cheated on me in 2002. he confessed when i found recent emails to the lady he was with. i emailed her and she said it happened 1time, but they email each other maybe 3 times a year. i found an email he replied to when we were on vacation last month. she recently moved out of state. he apologized, insist that he loves me and wants to be with me forever. i always thought he was different from other me and special. the crazy thing is i believe he would not do it again the lady he cheated with was his sorar from school and they started talking in the chat room of their phraternity. should i give him another shot or not. we've been married for 10 years. i don't know why he cheated. it is so unlike him and his personality.
mom of 4
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/28/2008 3:05:11 PM
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Ishcaboo
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My answer was intended for "Mom of 4.)
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/31/2008 3:21:29 PM
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Ishcaboo
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I posted a reply to you but I don't know where it heck it is. It is some where in the system. Maybe I'll find it soon. Do hang touch and think about yourself and you children.
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