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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/12/2008 4:12:58 PM
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I have been with my kids' father for 11 years. He has cheated in the past but I just let it go as our being "young". A couple of months ago HIS best friend calls me and tells me that my boyfriend and his girlfriend are messing around. I knew this girl - she did his hair - she has been in my house - she knows our kids and I had even helped her out a few times when she needed it. He denied it and I went with it after all him and his best friend were not getting along at all. Well a couple weeks ago I find a pair of his boxers in a clear plastic bag with a box of condoms - with of course one missing. Now how can you deny that one? A few days later he is sleeping and there is his handy dandt cell phone with some rather odd texts from an odd number. So of course I call the number and it is none other than his best friend's girlfriend. I just lost it. He swears up and down that it is not what I think and yadda yadda. I just cannot stand how bad I have started feeling about myself. Why am I not good enough? Why am I not pretty enough? But it all makes sense, unfortunately. For a few months now he has pretty much done absolutely nothing with me in any kind of public setting. I'm just really, really hurt. I loved him like crazy - would have done anything in this world for him and even held some small hope that one day he would marry me. I was a good woman to him. Stayed by his side NO MATTER WHAT....job, no job....home, in jail. I just dont understand how men think. This other girl has NOTHING going for her. Her son was taken away by the state - she does not have a job - she does not even have her own place to live AND she had cheated on his best friend a million and one times. And this is what he wants?? I guess.
Just Devastated
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 12/6/2008 11:32:02 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband left me three weeks ago for a women he met at work, he established a relationship with her that was so special that he decided to leave his family for her but only after I told her I was two months pregnant and she broke it off with him, he left me and my boys to show her that he really loved her. In addition I found out that this was not the first affair, he cheated on me when I pregnant with my first son and again with my second son. I found out he left his first girlfriend for the second one. After 17 years of mariage I find out that there has always been other women, his affairs tend to last two to three years. He job requires that he travels frequently so I never questioned why he was always working late or going away for weeks at a time. Now I realize that I was just the standby in his life waiting until there was someone else. I do not understand how I could have been so naive. I believed everything he told me.I am so hurt and confused righ now - he comes over to see my boys as acts like there is nothing wrong. I think about him all the time, I wake up thinking about him and end my day crying. Thank God my boys keep me busy during the day so I don't have time to think about him during the day. I used to look forward to my quiet time, now my quiet time is consumed with thoughts of him.
laura
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 12/10/2008 12:50:35 AM
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ArticlePost
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I'm glad I found this article...I'm very hurt right and sobbing.We've been married for 10 years we have a 15 years old daughter..I found my husband cheating on me coz he admitted that he really needs companion while working over seas for over 6 months..I do really love my husband so much i dont know if i will trust him anymore...and also he admit that he had infection coz he refuse to make love to me..my heart is empty, betrayed and he told me i guess i dont want marriage so asked him do you want divorce and he told me that's not what i said...now hes back in overseas to work..do i need to give him a space or should i need to work this marriage...I dont really believe in divorce if i can, but now I'm really hurt.coz i always told him i trust you so much and he just pause the conversation..i dont show to our daughter that i'm hurt i need to be strong in able for me to forget but it's just really hard..the damage is done..
charizze
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 12/30/2008 6:44:41 PM
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I've been married for 4 years. Back in July I found out the my husband, whom is a teacher was cheating on me with a girl whom at the time they started was 16. He is 33. I'm 25 with 2 kids , 7 and 4. Their affair had gone on for 2 years. The girl is 18 now and she is the one who told me. For a long time I had that gut feeling something wasn't right. And boy was I correct. We have decided to make the marriage work. But I can't shake the feeling or the trust issue. I know deep down in my heart that it won't happen again, but am I sure. I lie awak at night just wondering, when, how and why? I want to trust him and believe this will work. But can it really happen?
Amanda
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/6/2009 2:52:55 PM
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My boyfriend groped some girl that was half passed out and I was in the very next room. I'm so lost. We live togtether and I don't know what to do.
Dani
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/8/2009 7:03:40 AM
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ArticlePost
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How are you supposed to get over this. Every time i think i'm over it, it pops up again and i'm in a mess for weeks sometimes months. I suffer with depression and this makes it worse, as i'm writing this i'm desperately trying not to break down at the office but i know i will by the end of the day. I hate this, I love him so much but i can't forget i feel sometimes like i'm loosing my mind. any trust i ever had in him is COMPLETELY dead and he won't understand why i don't just "get over it" i can't i have our daughter to think about so i can't just walk away from her daddy. what do i do. the girl he cheated with was his ex and since then he says he has not cheated but he was seen and confessed to acting "inappropriately" text,phone calls,touchy feely stuff etc. I'm so unhappy most of the time now. what do i do??
Kitti
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/12/2009 12:28:02 PM
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my husband cheated on me with my our friend in our spare room, while i was home and asleep. i woke up and heard them. they didnt have intercourse...he was getting a hand job, not quite sure what he did to her. not sure i want to know. i believe it would have gone farther if i had not gotten up. he stood in the door way and told me nothing was going on while he was in his underwear with a hard on. finally he admitted to parts of it and blamed it on that we had had to much to drink that night. its bullshit!! he was in bed with me and she went home with her husband. he got up and she came back i know there is so much more to this than i can even comprehend right now. help ...im so sad. this just happened on sunday morning at 630 am..01-11-2009 i dont know what to do!
amy
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/14/2009 8:05:50 AM
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ArticlePost
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I've been with my husband for 6 yrs. and married for 4 yrs. the first time he started cheating was at his bacholar party. he has slept with a few women including hookers,the whole time i was taking care of our two babies. some days i don't want to get out of bed. I feel like i'm living a nightmare. he did this but i hate myself soo much. people say it will get easier but it feels the opposite. i can't get it off my mind. everything reminds me of the cheating. please help.
Heather
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/14/2009 8:12:29 AM
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To Mark who believes that checking a cell phone is an invasion of privacy.... If I hadn't been checking my cell phone bill online and the usage for the phones I would not have caught my husband cheating on me. If you have never had the pain and frustration that comes from a partner cheating then you would never know what it is that "we" go through daily to try and keep our dignity in check. Yes we choose to stay with them because we love them and want to hope for the best in the end. But once you become married everything they have becomes yours... including their baggage so invasion of privacy? How about invasion of infidelity?
Suzanne
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/21/2009 2:24:44 PM
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i think my girlfriends cheating on me. She never calls me unless i call her. I live with my babymother but she is unaware of this and thinks i'm single and live with my cousin and her baby. I love them both and share the week between them. It works well as babymother thinks i work in the country at weekends hence when i'm at other girlfriends house. I want to choose and just have one partner but it's difficult. I've got herpes and sadly have already passed this onto my babymother. I don't know how to tell other girlfriend that i have got this and don't really want to risk losing her as i do love her
copley bryce
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/21/2009 7:18:49 PM
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Ishcaboo
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You seem like a sad body of doo doo and don't deserve being a father, somebody's useless boyfriend or even a male child among male peers. Do both girl a favor by digging a hole and pulling the dirt over you.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/25/2009 5:55:15 PM
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i overhead on christmas day my husband speaking so sweetly to someone one our house phone. i called the number back and a woman answered. i wish i had read your article then...i immediately blew up and confronted him. now he says it has been going on for months and he loves her and she him. i want to reconcile and do not want to be divorced. we have a 15-year old & 10-year old. what should i do, i don't waat to divorce?
blindsided
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 1/25/2009 6:40:32 PM
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ChristineB
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Wow, I can't even imagine that. I'm so sorry to hear that happened. I understand, I was divorced and my husband was unfaithful. He claimed he was in love with someone else and I did not feel it was my job to convince hi to love me instead. As painful as it was I let him go. His relationship with her failed and after time I was happier without him than I ever was with him.
I say listen to your heart, and don't try to convince him to be with you....
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/2/2009 8:42:51 AM
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I've been with my husband for ten years. We have 3 beautiful children, between the ages of 4-8 yrs. old. My husband cheated on me with a woman that was currently having an affairr with another married man. She is all after money and fame and my husband is a powerful man. The circumstances are wicked, however after my husband bringing home the evidence of a used condom and myself starting lab work for DNA matching, after agonizing and trying to put together what had happened he finaly confesed. I promissed him forgiveness ILO of telling me the truth. He did. The party he went to involved dinner with the entire party group, comming back to the party organizer home, where my husband, tired after a week-end of entertaining the same group of people, fell asleep into a room where this woman was actually hosted with the other guy. He wanted to rest few hours after having something to drink and before driving home. I knew he was extremely tired after and entire week-end and repetitive gatherings wiht the same group. I attended the first two days since these people are somhow important business wise. Never met them before, neither my husband or myself. After a male DNA testing could not be established, yet anal secretion was depicted I insisted more and more in needing to hear what happened to him during those two early morning hours unaccounted and known as he was sleeping. Here are the facts based on his confesion. This woman walked in the room where he was sleeping, stimulated him with her hands and managed to get him excited......He says that when he woke up she was on top of him having anal sex. He stoped it right away, pushed her off, flipped the condom off, thinking it was removed completely, had an ugly exchanged of words and took off. The act was not consumed, there was no ejaculation........however this stil means cheating. All I am left with is disgust, broken trust, bitter heart, and I run this scenario over and over again in my head. He is really sorry and he wants to work it out and he is asking for forgiveness. He feels miserable and the guilt is huge. He promisses a change in the entourage. He tells me he is dead without me and our family. He is asking for forgiveness...He wants to work this out. We are a Christian family, sure God is upset right now. I do not know how to fix it. There are childern involved.I love my husband and I am so contradicted. I am a beautiful woman, I work, I care for my kids and I love him dearly. There was nothing missing. How do I go on and what kind of infidelity is this? There are still missing puzzle pieces.........how do I know that he actualy was taken advantages of and that the he stopped the sex? How do I know he did not invite this and somebody caught them and stopped it before ending. How can you he be so careless to bring home and leave in his clothes the evidence? I am going crazy and I have nothing to hang on but my children and God.Thank you, Bella
Bella
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/2/2009 7:59:11 PM
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I have now been married for almost eight years. From three months into the marriage I found out my husband had cheated on me. I forgave him. We now have 3 kids - 6,4 and 2. Mind you, the cheating never stopped. Last month, for some reason or the other, he told me that the last girl he has got a baby girl, although he said he always uses a condom. 2 weeks later, he has cometo me begging for forgiveness, saying that he is for rel this time. He really wants to change. I told him I will take a lot of time because, not only has he cheated on me, but he also degrades me and speaks better things of these women. Do you know what he said to me lately, that I am very boring, and he doesn't thing it will work out because I keep reminding him of the things he did and that he should have chosen to live with the woman and his new baby. Could you believe this POS. The best part of it is he can't read and write, I help him along the way and, I guess, so does the others. Why do I still put up with this mess. Mind you never help out the kids always have something to do. Shouldn't I tell this jerk to come pick up the rest of his belongings and get lost in space. Let the other woman who is so much in love with him do her share now.
darky
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/13/2009 2:19:54 PM
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ArticlePost
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I found out that my boyfriend of 9 years was cheating. We had a beautiful home, animals, and I had girls from another marriage that he step into the roll of Step Dad, or as the girls called him Fun Dad. This woman is someone he works with, and about 1 1/2 ago she broke up a marriage of another person at their office, moved in with the guy and then he ended up leaving her and going back to his family. This whole ordeal turned my world completely upside down and inside out. Of course the first feeling was what's wrong with me. I guess I'm pretty enough, or I'm not wild enough in bed, the list goes on and on. I too felt trapped. Our beautiful home was in his name, I didn't have a grand job and he did. So I retreated and spent days at my parents house, thinking of things. He of course denyed every piece of evidence I had, even when I finally got an annoymous call from someone who worked with him telling me who it was. I went through his bank statements & credit card bills and found that they were going out to dinner to REALLY nice places for at the very least 6 months. Still to this day he said it was a friend. I didn't buy it then and I don't buy it today. I deceided that life was fixing to change, that I will struggle to make ends meet, and will have to do without a lot of things that I grew accustom to...but decided that I will take all of those things in order to walk away with my morals, interity, and do it while being a lady. I told him that he did this so he will pay for it so I was able to get money to put down deposits, and replace things, I was able to tell him that I was taking furniture from the house, I got an apartment all on my own, set up my house hold and left. He now is calling, texting, saying he is sorry, that he didn't think that this would be so permant, not sure he thought I had it me to just get up and leave. I am polite to him, I am not bitter, I choose to forgive because I know where he is headed. I did get a tad even without being awful...I emailed the woman let her know that I thought what she did was wrong, and that they deserved each other because neither of them care who they step on to get what they want. I did tell her to look in the mirror because she has a big flaw that she doesn't think much of herself unless some attached man is leaving a relationship they've had for years for her. She never responded and that actually was a good thing. I still talk to the EX, he tells me he loves me that he was and is just lost. That he needs to work on himself, and you know there is a lot of truth to that. I need to work on me too. I have good days and bad days because this is only happened about a month ago so the wounds are still fresh. I have decided to not own his flaw, he has to own it. I have lean on my friends with everything I had and they all came out of the wood work, once I opened my mouth everyone of them was right there, helping me pack, listening to me, and because of my friends and famil
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/18/2009 12:32:34 AM
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ArticlePost
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deeply_sadWHY did you do it in the first place? What made you cross that line of betrayal??? Why would your wife want to take on some of the blame??? I'm curious as to your perspective...is it that you are just weak? Have you done this before???
Me
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/28/2009 4:12:24 PM
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ArticlePost
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Please help. I've found out my fiancee is cheating on me online. He's beed on a networking site for almost 2 years. I looked at the page about 18 months ago and the was messages from womed including one with a photo of her breasts. I confronted him and he swore it was a mistake, a bit of harmless fun and he's added the woman by mistake. We talked about it at length and he promised to stop and put a message on the page saying he was only interested in me etc. Then 6 months ago I opened a text on his phone. It was from the same site, a woman saying, "Here's my tits babe." Again I confronted him and he said he didn't know anything about it and that he had no idea where it had come from. He even got me to look up the site and right enough the message was still there.Then yesterday I searched the site again and a different page came up, with him on it, and a bunch of women. He is working abroad until May. I phoned him and confronted him yet again. He swore he knew nothing about it. That it must have been someone he knows who did it... He even said he'd delete it! I asked him how he knew the password to do that? Stupid of me, too quick, he said he didn't and couldn't do anything about it. He talked me round again. So today I messaged every woman on his page and eventually got the proof. I asked how they knew him and explained what had happened. One woman told me he's asked her to chat on MSN. So I asked if she had the MSN e-mail address. It was his e-mail address with his full name.I haven't spoken to him about it yet. I'd rather do it face to face but he won't be back until May. He's in a remote area tonight and won't have internet access or mobile signal but he's back at his base tomorrow and will phone tomorrow night.I don't want to split up. I love him so deeply and I've given up everything including my career to be with him. But I can't carry on and get married to someone who has continually lied to me and carried on even when I've caught him twice. Please, please help? How can I save this?
Sooz
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 3/2/2009 10:58:19 PM
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ArticlePost
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A woman came to my house at midnight a few weeks ago and told me that she has my husband's child. I called my husband and he confirmed it. He ended the relationship over a year ago, and she never told him she was pregnant. Instead she shows up at my house with my kids asleep. She has also started stalking my husband at work, showing up at his job at 10:30 at night. We have had to get a restraining order. My husband is no longer in the home but I am worried about what this woman will do to try to get me out of the way. My husband says he doesn't want to be with her and has told her, but her behavior is so irrational she seems to have other plans. I haven't even begun to decide how to deal with this whole disaster. We have begun to get paper after paper from child support and lawyers. My husband has really created a mess. We have been together for 17 years and have two small children. Where do I begin?
monique
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 3/15/2009 1:07:48 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have 3 kids (17, 15 & 14) togehter and I helped him raised his son, 21, and daughter, 23 from his first marriage. They both call me mom. In 2004 he began a 3 year long affair. My husband was the coach of a little league baseball team. This woman, "Carol", and I were friends our son's played ball together. His affair with this woman ended in late 2007.Which I didn't know because he never told me. He let me keep assuming he was still seeing her. Although when he began to stay home more often, spend more time with the family and take me out once in a while I had a felt that maybe he wasn't seeing her anymore or as much but I wasn't sure. We never talked about it. On Valentine's day (2-14-09) I went off to work and my kids said that soon after I left for work my husband hopped on his motorcyle and rode off. At the end of my work day I knew my husband still had not returned home because the kids showed up at my work midway thru my work day with a bouqet of flowers for me and when I asked about their father they mentioned that "dad's not home yet" He didn't hide the first affair from them and they also assumed that he was still seeing this "Carol". So as I was leaving for home that day I called my husband on his cell phone and got no answer. I sent him a text asking him about dinner and he told me that we should eat without him. I knew then that something was up. I asked if he'd be home later and he said he wasn't coming home, at all. I cried myself to sleep that night. Still assuming it was "Carol". He showed up at home the following afternoon, Sunday. That's when we had a talk. He told me he had met someone new and that he no longer was in love with me and that I didn't make him happy anymore abd that he and this new woman are in love.Same thing he said with the first affair.Well the following friday he came home packed a bag and was gone for 5 days was home for 2 days packed another bag and he hasn't slept in our home in 3 weeks. The first woman "Carol" is a married Mormon woman so their time together was limited. This new woman "Angel" has been divorced for 15 years but has had her ex-husband living with her for as many years.My husband met her thru one of his friends.The two days he was home was so "Angel" could kick her ex-husband out.I love my husband very much.Which is why I stayed with him thru the affair with "Carol".He doesn't know what he wants.He wants me to give him time.He says he's not happy where he's at either.I know I have to divorce him because he's cheated on me our whole marriage.He has hundreds of pornographic pictures on the computer.He's always on meet-up sites or woman seeking men.With his first affair he told me that if I hadnt meddled, I tried talking to her and I called her husband to tell him, which didn't do anything, but he said if I had left things alone and not tried to interfere that the affair would have only lasted 6 months and he would have been done but since I refused to leave them two alone that they continued the affair out of spite.When we had our talk about his current affair he said he was heartbroken when "Carol" sent him a "Dear John" text and when she never returned his calls.He was heartbroken because "Carol" told him she loved him.His thinking is that if things dont work with "Angel" that he can come running back here as if nothing ever happened.I love him but I know that he's hurting me and my kids and that this isn't right and that I can't keep letting him hurt me this way.
Ronnie
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