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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 3/25/2009 8:50:48 AM
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ArticlePost
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Hi,I would really appreciate any guide here. I know this guy for over 10 yrs now. When we met, we dated for many years, but things didn't go well due to some distance and trips, my family not liking him, and he cheating on me. Not one, but at least 2 times. Now, after all these years, we have kept in touch one more time, he is my best friend and I'm his, we feel quite comfortable with each other, and realized we love very much. We both want to settle down asap, he says he will never cheat again, and explained he did because he wasn't barve enough to break up with me and hated the way my family treated him.Now my family keeps telling me he will do it again. I'm reading all these stories and feel bad. He has changed quite a lot, in the sense that he is way more mature in most of the areas, and I don't know how to asses if also in this very basic matter he has had too.
Patty
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 3/26/2009 11:55:59 AM
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ArticlePost
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I just recently found out that my husband cheated. Now I dont know what to do with myself. Im constantly questioning myself as a wife. I think I want out.
Kim
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/4/2009 11:19:53 AM
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ArticlePost
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guys i really need some advice.... sorry this is going to be long....My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and have been living together for 1 1/2 years. We have always had a wonderful relationship up until about 6 months ago. Last October, we got into a huge fight that ended up with him staying at another girls house, and me staying at an old friends house. He says that he didnt do anything that night, but I did find an UNopened box of condomes.Since then, i have not been able to trust him, and i have told him that it is giong to take time for me to regain that trust. Well. in Jan he started a new job that takes him out on the road 6 days a week 12-16 hours a day. Ive gone to work with him a few times, and seen how it works.Recently since Tue, he started having to take a new co-worker with him who just happend to be a girl. Usually when he has to take someone out with him, its only for the day. Now, this girl has gone out with him everyday..including today. When i ask him who he had to take out, he avoids my question and beats around the bush not to tell me, until i ask him flat out then he will tell me. Last night, he had her with him, and he told me he had a "show" at 8pm on "wilson dr" right down the road from our house. Well, "wilson rd" is the plaza that walmart is in, which is impossible to do a "show" at. Later on i found out that he was driving around for 2 hours (never calling me or returned my 2 txts) until he called me at 1030 to say he was on his way home. When he came home, he ate dinner, then said he was going to take a shower...which is unusual for him to do at night. I stopped him from doing so, and we started making love. In the midst of everything, i noticed the smell of rubber/latex. I confronted him about it, and he played it off as a joke, saying that i was being rediculous. We talked about it for a while, and it ended with him promising me that I was the only one that he wanted to be with, and the only that he loves. I dont think i believe that.Meanwhile, in the middle of the night, i wake up to him fondeling me....( sorry about the graphics) but he was still asleep and a deep sleep at that, where i couldnt wake him up. This morning i told him about it, and he said he was dreaming about me.... am i crazy for sticking around? Is he cheating on me with this girl, that he wont let me meet? I did try calling her one night from his phone, but as soon as I said hello, she hung up on me, and texted him the next morning, saying "SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT" .... please help me, i cant keep feeling like this, its tearing me up....
jennifer
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/7/2009 11:57:15 AM
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ArticlePost
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I just found out that my husband of 11 years is sleeping with another woman. I found text messages from him when he was working about going by this woman's place. He has her number saved in the phone as a guy's. I called it and she answered, "Hey You." Knowing that it was my husband, she hung up. I have found out from an invoice in the mail that he signed up for one of the phone dating lines where they have phone sex. He denied it. However, he admitted to me he likes to call phone sex chat lines but not dating. I found another dating site he signed up for where our home phone is listed. He denied signing up for that too. Well he calls phone sex chat lines a lot. About $100/month-late night. Come to find out he's been doing this for years. He also has posted his private parts on a gay date site for hookups and listed himself as bi-sexual. Of course he denied that. I have known this man a very long time before we even married. He's a fantastic dad to our two young hildren. I work outside the home and bring in a really good salary. He works from home watching the kids. I really don't want to destroy my family but honestly I hear a voice inside me telling me I know what to do. I don't want to destroy my children's lives. I'm really afraid and I'm scared to talk to anyone. I've considered divorce but have seen how it effects children.
sassy
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/7/2009 6:10:22 PM
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dianerene
Posts: 2105
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Location: sunny so cal, usa
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wow sassy! that's a tough situation you are dealing with.
If you really want to and think it's best to work things out with your husband, then you will need him to get honest! lay it out for him, "these are the facts and this is what I know" ... maybe ONE of these things is a mistake, but with all that you have found out, it seems like more than a coincidence. Then you can work on the why and how ... if he is not willing to be honest with you then I don't see how you can work on improving things.
good luck!!
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/10/2009 7:03:48 PM
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ArticlePost
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I just kind of need someone to tell me pretty much what to do. I have always had my husband's passwords to his e-mails as he does mine, we've always thought of our relationship to be very honest, i tell him everything, and i thought he did too. We live in different countries because he's doing his phd in spain, but are planning on moving in together in november. He just asked me a couple of months ago if i wanted to start planning on a baby, and although we're married by law, we didn't do the whole wedding thing, and he wants us to do that, with our families and everything. Anyway... i needed something last week that i knew he had in his email so i opened it and looked. (I had done this before and he didn't mind), but this time i got curious and actually started looking for specific things. I found a couple of things, like letters from and to a girl (before we were married) and they just seemed so inlove, him included, but when i had asked him before about her he said she had been just a relationship that he didn't really care much about. Anyway... it was before he was with me so i shouldn't care. But then i found one an exchange of three e-mails between them ten days before we got married. He was telling her how he had been waiting the whole day for her to call and how he really wanted to hear her voice...anyway... at the end, it said "I love you"... no.. actually it said "Te Amo" which cannot be missconstrued as just i love you as a friend... it means i actually do love you. Anyway... after this i didn't find anything else and i spoke to somebody who told me he doesn't even know where she lives now. I don't know what to do. He knows i found the emails and said he doesn't know what to do or say... i told him to start by feeling like crap and i told him i want the whole story with her even if most of it is from when we weren't together. There is one piece of information he doesn't know i know... his sister messed up and told me about it... i'm afraid he won't include it in the story when he actually tells me everything, because it means he's just trying to tell me everything i already know but wont tell me what i don't, which in the end would be like lying to me. Anyway... i am really heart broken... i am a cryer... but i haven't cried and it's been over a week... He's coming tomorrow to stay for a month, but i don't even know what i'll do when i see him.
Angie
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/16/2009 8:44:19 PM
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devilsdesire6055
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Angie from my personal experience I would have to say relax.If he is willing to be upfront with you and keep you in his world and let you have his passwords he is allowing you into his world. So please don't get upset with him, even though I know it is mind boggling and confusing to you as why he would he been emailling her and saying I Love You to another woman. But let him explain and respect him and listen to him, I am sure it would be a message of wanting to hear from someone who was close to him and in his own way ( a man thing) still needing to say goodbye to their past and hope to be only friends in their future because he is marrying you. You should have trust in your relationship and should be able to talk about anything even the hard stuff that you might not understand and likewise for him. But as long as you both keep the door to communication open and stay honest with each other and yourselves. You will both be fine.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/18/2009 5:55:42 PM
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ArticlePost
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hello im 22 yrs old .. i have been with my bf for almost a year. i found out that my bf was cheating on me online with several girls so i made a fake account and made him add me.He started talking about me in a bad way to this fake girl(which was me)he said that he wants to get rid of me and he just cant stand me anymore. he also said that im stupid and act like kids and he just wants opened minded girls to date.moreover he said that he regrets bein with me and is waiting for me to do a mistake inorder to leave me.after that i asked him to open his cam he did.. and i opened mine!he was shoked to see me and i told him its over.since then he sent many msgs and called like 40 times.. but i didnt answer.after that he sent me a msg telling me that if im not gonna answer he is going to tell my dad that we r together since my parents dont want me to go out with him.so i answered him and he started apologizing for hours he even cried and i begged me to go back. he said he regrets everything and he never actually cheated on me more than just talking and flirting wid girls online.he also said he never meant to say all what he said .. and he said all that because he was trying to have this girl(the fake girl i created).i made him apologize and made him feel really bad about what he did.and i told him that i forgive him but i had my rules set and i told him that hell have to try hard to get my trust back.however i dont feel good im sad im depressed i cant smile i just cant forget his words.. i dont know what to do im very confused plz plz help!
HELP
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/18/2009 10:37:56 PM
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dianerene
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Location: sunny so cal, usa
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I am sorry you are going through that, but you have to decide if you truely forgive him. the words he said were hurtful and degrading, and if he will say those things when you are dating, can you be sure that you will have a comfortable future together?
I never like to tell someone, "leave him" or "forgive him" because I have seen second chances work, and I have seen them fail. every situation is different and depends on the people involved being commited to making an honest effort at change ... but I also feel very strongly in having respect for ones self. if you allow people to treat you badly, they will.
I was in a 4 year relationship where I allowed myself to be put down and taken advantage of. my goals were always put aside for his and I always forgave (and sometimes even took the blame) for HIS issues, begging him for another chance.
when I finally took a stand and said "I'm better than this", he turned around and begged ME to come back and I told him no. It should not take me defending myself to get respect. a relationship should be built on respect.
... I will add that I am still in touch with him and I made the right choice. the respect is there, but it's too late now and I cannot say it would have still been there had I taken him back.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/20/2009 3:04:54 PM
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Ishcaboo
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More than once I've been told that a wife has some idea when a husband is cheating. I'm not talking about a one time thing. I'm talking about the regular dick head who doesn't care about the pain he is causing his wife. So, watch for the signs!
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/26/2009 2:27:19 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have been hurt so bad by my husband of 3 years. I found out that he had been cheating with a woman who was a suppossed friend before and at the time of our marriage. I found out about it on our wedding day. I went thru with the marriage out of mere shock I think. It killed me to know that he continued the affair after we married. He has cheated since with someone else also. He has never come out and admitted or said he was sorry for doing it, but he seems to be towing the line as far as I can tell right now. I just cant seem to get over this. I cant trust him at all and I cant hardly get on with my life because Im always wondering what he is doing. Can anyone help?
Carol
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/1/2009 9:31:09 AM
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ArticlePost
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I found out my boyfriend had cheated and i forgave him but the hurt is still really bad. It's been months and I still have some issues with it. In fact sometimes I want to leave him, but I really want it to work. I just wish he would talk about it.
Tay
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/5/2009 4:41:59 AM
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ArticlePost
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I just found out that my husband of three years cheated on me. it was while he was on a business trip back to a socially thriving city where we lived, met and eventually married. He says it was with the girl he dated right when he met me. He chose me over her and ended it. He and I had to move to another country due to work and things became different; all the stressors of the relocation/ new country, etc made it a challenging time. I always thought that we were just experiencing the normal period of adjustment necessary in a situation like this. Being that we both ALWAYS had the same stance on infidelity, I NEVER worried about him-- EVER. I trusted him emphatically and always pitied the stories from friends about their questionable spouses/ bf's. At one point while he was away, I noticed that he was acting distant and asked him about it (I even went so far as to think *maybe*?? but the answer was always NO in my head). Prior to this, he and I were trying to get pregnant. He said that he has been nervous to tell me that he wasn't ready and wanted to wait. I wasn't devastated and agreed to wait (a little hesitantly since I am 38 with no children) I arrived to meet him in that city for a little vacation added onto the end of his work there. When I arrived, I noticed that he was still acting different and confronted him on it. He said that he hasn't been happy and wanted to split up. After longgggg talk (and crying), we decided to give it a go. The rest of the vacation was magical and I thought that it was all just a necessary cleansing process. Once home, I was still sure that something was not right. He was skulking around with his iTouch and he had changed his passwords to Facebook and hotmail which I had always had his consent to access anytime. About 10 days later, I came across said iTouch and I cant explain it, I could not resist the urge to check his hotmail which was linked. Surprisingly, he hadn't changed his passcode and there it was-- the email confirming my suspicions. I was and still am in shock. I didn't cry, I was/ am still numb. I am obsessive in thought and cannot get it out of my head. I confronted him and he did not deny it. He gave no excuse, but just the reason that he thought he and I were splitting up when I arrived. He reconnected with her and one thing, blabla. We decided to work it through, but I cannot get it out of my mind. Also, the one thing that I asked him to promise was to dissolve all contact with her. He agreed, but how do I know for sure. I can't help thinking every time he goes to work or takes the dogs for a walk, he is on the cell phone with her. We have given it to the end of the year to see if all is well. I have allowed him this ONE indiscretion, but he seems baffled at my acceptance of it. He says that he loves me and is so in love with me, but there are personality facets that he does not like and results in his unhappiness, thereby his want to split up. Am I giving him permission to do it again?? Becasue I didn't throw things and smash up the house, as he expected, is my attempt at forgiveness being misconstrued as being a pushover? I am so confused and preoccupied. I have cold sweats at night and cant concentrate at work. I scheduled myself into a counselor today, because I feel that I need to work on me. I do not think he wants to see anyone for couples counseling (as he has a lot of childhood/war/ ptsd issues I think he is afraid to uncover). Someone help me, please. Can this work out and become one of those sucesss stories where we are 'stronger than ever'?
random
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/2/2009 7:38:24 AM
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ArticlePost
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My 2,1/2 years boyfriend has constantly cheatting on me with various women. He always kept his cell phone with him and never let me check on it, untill yesterday night, where i secretly took his cell and discovered hundresds of emails from different girls- he had more than 7 ore 8 other partners , slleping will all of us at the same time. i just dumped him, but im really devasted, my female ego is ruined...What should i do to be ok again?
Ennice
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/9/2009 5:37:57 AM
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ArticlePost
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Carol I am in the very same perdicament myself. I have found loads of evidence and the thing that kills me most is if he would just admit it..and we can try to seek counselling and move on. But he's denying everything...and has now treated me like I'm the problem. I will never be able to trust him again. I am 28 and hes 42. We have been together for 12 years and have a 10 yr old son together. Stupid me!!! Honey all I can tell you is if I didnt have any kids with him..the answer would be so much easier to deal with. I am now seeing how this man that had treated me like princess for all these years can just turn on me for no reason. Of course every relationship has its ups and downs..but I never thought in a million years this would be happening to me. I am extrememly devasted but have the support of my family..and his family too! I'm exposing him to everyone..and all he can do is give me this sly quilty smile like I'm making this more of a mess then what it is. Basically I'm done. My son and I will be moving once our house is sold..and I know that I will be that princess once again.
Diane
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/10/2009 9:31:52 PM
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ArticlePost
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I just found out my man of 4yrs was cheating because he done brought home a STD. I'm devastated.
Monique
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/11/2009 3:20:52 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have been with my husband for 11 years and married for 8 and I just found out that he cheated on me and we are tryinh to make it work we are seeing a counselor. We have four children together and 1 past away at the end of my pregnancy. He has been cheating for 5 months and he tells me it's over and there is no communication left between them. I really want this to work but there is that little part of me that says get out of this relationship!! I love him very much!!
Candy
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/12/2009 2:11:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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I've been married to my husband for 4.5years now. But I've known him since I was 15 years old. now 39. The first year of marriage was good. It's after he did time in jail about 6 months after thats when things changed.I've been there through the wrost of times. He's cheated on me so many times I can write a book. I feel so stupid because I have given him all of me, he was my world he completed me. He has said that he loves me and that we will betogether even in death. He say's he has a sex addiction but I dont by it I think he's just saying that he lies all the time what do I do I'm sick of this I'm reaady to leave but my heart won't let go!
Renthie
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/16/2009 4:09:23 PM
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megafan
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My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and we have 4 kids. He cheated while I was pregnant with our third child. Our situation is different then anyone's else's. We met while both serving in the navy, and I got pregnant after a few months. My husband married me for our son. we were both 20, and I don't think either of us were ready. He is an awesome father and husband. my husband, carl, had to go back home for schooling before we could transfer. I decieded to move back home while he was in school for the birth of our third child. While back home, he wanted to re live his wild days, and slept with 2 women. He slept with one of the women twice, and the other one more then that. He acually played pool and partied with one of them. We were married for 3 years at this point. Even though we married for the wrong reasons, we love each other very much, and stayed married for the right reasons. Carl was always faithful while deployed on the ship. I know this for a fact. I also know he has been faithful since. I'm now finding out what happened after 9 years of lies. He has been a great husband since. Carl tells me the only reason he lied was because he didn't want to lose me or the kids. I can understand why he did what he did, and we have a great marriage. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father for my kids. My question is, How do I let go of the pain after all these years? I know how much he loves me. I have never questioned that. I'm just thankful for the truth.
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 6/19/2009 1:55:30 PM
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ArticlePost
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I've been married for 12 years and found out my husband touched a stripper at a strip club. He was away on a business trip with other co workers and they took him to the club. My husband has never been in a place like that before. He swears that is all that happened. My husband is such a shy quite man, I want to believe that is all that happened. I don't know what to do.
elleanna
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