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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 7/31/2009 4:03:07 PM
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ArticlePost
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Hi, I hope this is some help to me to share this with the rest of you. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. We have had a very trusting and fun relationship. Like any other we have had our ups and downs. We have also had to have a long distance relationship during various times while I was finishing school as well as him and now once again while he is working. He is living over 3,000 miles form me at the moment. I just went to see him for 2 weeks and we had a great time together. It was kind of like finding eachother all over again but then while I was visiting him he recieved a package from another woman named Amy. My whole world flipped over and pieces began to fall into place. Amy is woman he met soon after moving. He used to tell me about her and that she would let him do laundry at her place(he lives on a boat) and she was older and he was not interested in her in that way. I tried to be the bigger person and not the jealous girlfriend and I trusted that nothing was happeningbecause he is an honest man and had never cheated, until he got the mail. He had to go to work and while he was gone I did the unspeakable and read a few pages of his journal. He confessed in his journal of sleeping with her and even wrote that he felt guilty and dirty while it happened and could not help thinking of me and that he was ana ****. I confronted him when he came back and he was angry and denied it. I did not tell him the terrible betrayal of trust I comitted in reading his private thoughts. After he calmed down we were able to talk about it maturly and he told me that it did happen between them. We did not say much for a long time because earlier that same day he had asked me to move to where he is before the mail had arrived. That night with no prodding from me he did not rammble on apologies but sincerly told me he was so very sorry and that he promised with more than what he was to never do anything like that again. We were able to enjoy eachother the rest of the time I was there but now I am back home and the thoughts and images creep into my mind when I least expect it. I even have dreams where he introduces me to her. Part of me so desperatly wants to move past this and believe we can recommit to eachother and move forward like we discussed before I left. I am just now starting to hurt so terribly much and don't have the opportunity to talk to him in person and I also am so scared to even consider moving to where he is at this point. My heart wants to be there but my head feels like I might be setting myself up. How do we repair this and will I ever be able to not hurt or be scared that he will do it again? I just need some honest advice that is not tinged with revenge or previous pain. Thankyou for reading and your time.Confused
Confused
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 8/6/2009 6:28:03 PM
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ArticlePost
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I would like an opinion from a man who has cheated. What are some good signs that my husband is sincere when he says he won't cheat again?
Francis
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 8/9/2009 2:35:14 AM
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ArticlePost
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I have a wonderful husband. He just likes to watch and talk to other women... there is a line but he does not understand that.....It hurts to watch the one you love talk and get phone numbers from some one younger than you..... the girls and women who see a ring on the finger means he does have someone at home who care and gives a crap about him.....don't let us down..... us girls stick togther....thru thick and thin.....
Bobbi
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 9/6/2009 4:35:07 PM
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ArticlePost
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Gosh this happened to me 2 months ago and I know how hard this is. My huband has cheated only after 18 moths of marriage the worst thing is. it was out of character. he met this woman when he was a sales woman and she called him for coffee and they had been sleeping together for 6 weeks when i found out and it totally crushed me.We are trying to make things work but knowing myself I dont think I will ever fully forgive him. The lies that he told me and the fact he left me at home while he was having fun makes me sick to my stomach. If any females want to form an email group please email me on ellevbridal@gmail.com
LadyBee
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 10/1/2009 1:28:29 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband did not cheat in the body, but he did with his emotions. He kicked me out of our home last year - told me he still loved his ex-wife. He then said we would be getting a divorce. I begged him to not make me leave and work on our marriage, but he didn't listen. After two weeks he snapped out of it and then begged me to come home. I refused for 4 weeks, then I finally gave in. He said how sorry he was and how much he loved me. He was not seeing his ex - as she lives many states away, but he did call her on the phone to tell her how sorry he was for being a rotten husband while being married to her. When we got back together he called her and said he was sorry for calling her, that he wanted his current marriage to work and that two wrongs don't make a right - that he wants to be a good husband to me. My family & friends think I am crazy for going back to him. What do you think?? I am try to base my decision on there is no biblical grounds for divorce and that I am obligated to forgive. This has been almost a year and I am still tormented for what he has done. I lost my trust. I fear he will do something stupid like this in the future. Last year came as a shock! He has been an awesome husband since we got back together - way better than before. Should I count my blessings and move on or should I fear that history can repeat itself?
The 2nd Wife
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 10/7/2009 10:48:40 AM
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ArticlePost
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Also, I want to add.. when he kicked me out and told me he wanted his ex-wife back, he actually had been thinking this for a couple months, as he had told his family and friends. I was left with embarrassement. I was left out of the truth while everyone knew but me as I did not know he was contemplating going back to her. He said his friends had confused him for making him feel mad for being such a rotten husband to his 1st wife. PLEASE HELP! He lied several times to me last year about various things, but now he claims he is a "new" person and won't do that again. It's been almost a year and I haven't seen one lie and he is very gentle with me, but I have been left with lack of trust and fear. ADVICE, please...Thank you. SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO???
The 2nd Wife
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 10/24/2009 6:12:57 AM
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ArticlePost
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I dont know where to begin.My husband , best friend high school sweetheart died a year and a half ago...Im lost without him and loved being married and hate being alone after 28 years of a happy marriage ...Im not one to be alone.I Met a Man and have been with him for the last 7 moths off an on we have talked about getting married, I do love him very much and he tells me that he loves me more than I will ever know. You have to know what he has told me as to how he is to understand why im so confussed so this is what his story is: He was kicked of of the house and on his own at 17 by his Dad told it was time to become a man and learn to do for himself , joined the army, had his own buisness,went to collage was and is in the pro rodeo. he married a woman he says he didnt love because he wanted children , and was never home just stopped in when not rodeoing after 14 years he finally divoced her takeing the girls and raising them on his own ... He says he has always been a loner, come and gone as he pleased answers to no one , never having to explain himself to no one he said he was unloveable because he didnt know how or want to love and be hurt by anyone...I see the pain he carries from feeling his Dad never loved him.etc He's not one to show his feelings but when he does it feels so special to see them.he has opened up to me so much telling me things about his life he says no one else knows...most ppl missunderstand him as being heartless,selfish and controlling a loner a user of women because he never could show real love.but as a man, he's a man of his word a hard working loyal giving friend loves animals and children giving to others without them knowing it was him that gave.our story: In the begining ( dating ) he cheated on me while out rodeoing, He denied it at first becoming angry that I would think he would so we broke up,for awhile then the came back so unlike him in tears saying how much he loved me how sorry he was that he hated himself for hurting me so much because I am the only person he has ever truely loved and he was even in love with me and wanted to marry me one day but he knows that Im to good for him that he is no good.... he tells me how hateful he is and what a free spirit and a loner he is all the time but that he loves me and wants it to work..we are very happy when together we live 89miles apart and only see each other when im off and can go to him 2x a month at first he called at least once a day sometimes 2 or 3 but if he is watching tv or etc..he wont answer or call unless he has nothing better to do now.I have no priority in his life as anyone does..he comes first.he leaves on trips to buy cattle for his ranch days at a time without saying he's leaving and no contact while he's gone tells me to trust him.. just know he loves me and will be back. he say's it's all about trust and that we both have lives to live and things to take care of when we are apart .. but when we are together that is our time....I do feel he loves me deep down in his own way the best way he knows how.. but its not normal..and its loney , sad , worrisome and hurtful. makes me feel foolish for loving someone like this so much and to keep letting it go on i feel disrespected,unloved and uncarred for but cant tell him that or he will tell me to move on then because he dont want me feeling that way and i need to find what im use to to be happy..but he is in love with me ..why do I love him so much a man the total opposit of my loving husband..i know it's not right..is he still cheating? does he just not know how to love? do I get out ? hang in ? is it me? am i to needy? I need help !!
no self respect
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/9/2009 1:36:26 PM
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ArticlePost
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i have been in a relationship for 14 yrs on an off he wanted to go back to his wife and kids four yrs ago i let me go not three months later he was back saying i was right it had been to long for them to make amends he said he came back because he miss me and wanted to be with me no matter how long it took for me to trust him i let him back four yrs later i am very dissatifed i found passwords to singles net and last night i found sexual text messages on his phone he tells me i am silly that i shouldnt have looked in his phone and shouldnt be worried about it we no longer agree on things i dont want to go to bed anymore not because the sex isnt good but because i dont feel i am enough for him he says i could be but i wont allow myself to be all the while telling me i am wrong when we argue its okay for him to express himself but i am not allowed to i am thinking i am ready to forget about the last fourteen yrs please answer me chris
chris
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/19/2009 10:50:49 AM
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ArticlePost
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I just found out on Tuesday that my husband of 18 yrs has been talking to a girl that he works with. He has assured me he broke it off with her but admitted to having feelings for her. He assured me there was never any contact between them other than the text messages and phone calls. He will not tell me who she is. This really bothers me. I dont know how we can move forward if he is not completly honest with me. I have battled with the decision to get a detailed billing on his cell phone. Of course he does not want me to do this, he says it will only hurt me worse. I haven't eaten in over 50 hrs nad mu hurt is breaking. Any advice? I love this man we share 3 children and long past....
Hurt and Upset
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 12/11/2009 7:26:59 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband of six years had was getting laid off from his job and had the opportunity to transfer to a plant in a different state. He was there for 6months and came home weekly or everyother week. He got laid off from that job in February and got hired back to the first plant he was laid off at( Confusing right) Well I went to our staff christmas dinner and when I got home he was asleep on the couch and I tried to wake him up but he was out. I saw a phone in his hand which wasn't his phone we purched together. I looked at it and it had a number listed MY DREAM GIRL, the only number listed. Text messages went back for over a year and it was graphic about the sex, and the I love yous and miss yous. My heart was crushed! Was this real What had happened. He had just went to see her in November!! He said he just told her that to get sex that he doesn't love her he wants me and because I did't give him sex (as often as he wanted) he got it from her. This girl was ready to pack everything and move in with him. He was suppose to transfer back there at the first of the year and resume his life with her untill he got caught. What do I do ???
Melanie
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/1/2010 9:36:27 PM
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ArticlePost
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ladies, it is hard.. sadly i have been stricken with this loss too.. I think that signs that yoru husband is cheating can be as obvious as the other woman calling the house.. or as subtle as him bringing your flowers and what not.. every man is different.. but from a christian perspective.. the only way i can continue after this.. is God guiding me.. THe first time it happened i was in shock.. i truely believe God led me to find out.. iwould have never found out on my own i think.. i was so angrey i screamed and cryed and shaking.. i finally willed myself to go to the nearest chruch and asked to pray with someone.. it was good to hear advice form another person.. i calmed myself confronted him when he came home.. how can i be sure he means if you ask... its hard to get over it.. up untill 3 years after i had nightmares about him leaving me.. it takes time to rebuild trust.. i think you need to examine his lifestyle.. or relationship with God and his sincerity in it.. then from there accept it or ask him to attened counceling sessions with a pastor..this is all i nkow to do.. and it has worked.. sometimes i think .. satan still totures me with it in nightmares but i need to keep rebuilding those torn parts.
DaCalicoCAt
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 2/24/2010 6:20:26 PM
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lostmom10
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well me and my husband separted about 11 years ago when i found out he was cheating on me with my so called friend.when we was just dating he cheated on me and i left him then i found out i was pregant and he begged me to take him back and give him one more chance that he wanted to marry me and promised me he would never cheat on me again so i took him back but warned him if he ever did it again i would leave and it would be the end well we had our baby girl and i thought everything was going fine but then when my daughter was for years old i found out he was cheating on me like i said with my so called friend so i left him like i had promised i had put up with being cheated on before in the past by him and other men that i had been with so i wasnt going to stay and put up with it the only thing i hate about all this is all the pain that my 14 year old daughter has to go through till this day she will just sit and cry and say she wants me and her dad back togeather he is still with the woman he was cheating on me with i dont know what to do to get my daughter to see that me and her dad will never be back together again any advice?
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 3/18/2010 11:13:41 PM
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ArticlePost
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we weren't married yet when i found out that he cheated but we at the time had been together 4 yrs. the worst part was, was that i never saw it coming(hindsight's a *itch)i quit my job to stay at home with my child and to raise his all while he was being promoted and working longer hours etc. i made a sacrifice for him to excell and in return i got a little boy in a man's body(who knew)but the worst of it all was that i had wanted another child for awhile and of cours the answer was always we're not prepared for a baby(i didn't know that people really ever are) so in the midst of his cheating he decides let's have a baby(i still didn't know at this point) well we got pregnant quite fast and had a beautiful baby girl, but i'm left to wonder what were his real intentions for a baby other than that when i finally would find out that i would think twice? of course my mother told me the news(that hurts bad) and we had very long discussions about this and all the #'s and all the i don't knows and it just happened but it was funny that it just happened for over a year and the whole time that i was pregnant(talk about embarassment when i had to go to the dr. because my new baby had just turned 8 wks. old by then and confess his sins but no bad news -lucky s.o.b.-) so anyway that was then and this is now i chose to forgive him because i believe all people are entitled to one major screw up as long as they are sincere(i know he is)life hasn't been easy, yes i have a hard time rtrusting but in order to rebuild you must regive because as hurt and angry and as much as this keeps me up at night i know it will pass with time if i allow it and i do because i am the bigger person in our relationship and i chose to marry him even after all this because i believe in order to learn from your mistakes you have to move forward to start the process of healing together because not only did he hurt me he hurt himself and that i'm willing to work on that(call me crazy but i believe that GOD is guiding us through this and i don't even go to church) i am a strong person and i'm learning everyday and we're coping together to rebuild or life.
sarah
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 4/3/2010 1:19:13 AM
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ArticlePost
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we were together for 7 years when my husband told me 2 days ago that he had a one night stand with his secretary....i was sooo crushed i dint know what to do, even till now i feel as though i am yet to wake up from this dreadful dream.....he cheated on me a 1 and a half ago while i became pregnant with our now 5 mth old son.....i feel as though i have no one...which is true....i was raised with an abusive father and neglectful mother and i've had a hard time trusting ppl until i met my husband in which i built a trust to home lettin him know everything completely and always been his very faithful and loving life because i thought we could have had the dream family i've always wanted....i have always been there for him through his ups and downs...he has an hectic work schedule and is always in meetings...apparently it happened one lunch with his secretary after a meeting...and he came home and never told me about it until 2 days ago because i threatened to leave him after hearing that he was cheating on me by a coworker.....i told him if he doesnt tell me the truth i will leave him and he did after much influence by me.....i dont know how to cope with this matter? i was a virgen when we met and he have had alot of gf in the past and intimate relationships....so he's expereinced with others sexually...he told me he did it because he wanted to feel the difference with another woman after being faithful to me for 5 and a half years....he also said she threw herself to him and he thought he would have gotten away with it....he said he regretted it everyday up until he told me...but im afraid to stay with him because i fear that he may want to do it again....can someone please advise me if u can.....thanx
cas
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/17/2010 8:46:06 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband and I have only been married for a year and we've been together for two. I found out two days ago that he cheated on me, the woman he had sex with found out he was married and told me. I confronted him about her and he lied and said he didn't know who she was and he continued to lie after I told him if he told me the truth we could work through it. It took me getting his phone records to get him to admit it. A few months ago he told me he wanted to start our family so I stopped taking my birth control and am now 3mo. pregnant. I want to leave him but at the same time I don't it hurts so bad and I don't know where to turn. He swears it was a mistake and that he loves me and it will never happen again but I can't trust him again ever. What should I do?
TIGGER
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 5/19/2010 9:36:44 AM
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ChristineB
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Hi Tigger. Have you thought about going to counseling? If you haven't tried that I would definitely consider it. It sounds like you have valid points and he needs to understand them. People do make mistakes, and forgiveness is possible, but I would talk to someone, especially since your pregnant.
_____________________________
The Traveling Pendant
My Mom's dying wish....
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/4/2010 8:27:27 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband took a job in Az, we live in Fl. I chose to stay in Fl., hoping he could commute home longs weekends, 2 1/2 yrs later, I learn he has had a 2 yr affair. He told me it was over. I'm not sure. He comes home once or twice a month, but is not sexually interested. I don't know if I want to know the truth, I'm comfortable in Fl., and hope he will return to our old life.
Sally
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/25/2010 1:55:37 AM
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ArticlePost
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I'v been with my husband since 05, he has cheated on me since the first year. He works over seas and claims he has changed. He is 40yrs old, and has cheated with a 22yr old to woman older then him, black, white, german, mixed, it doesnt matter.He cheated the 1st 6 months after he started to work over seas. I got into his email a week after we got married ( march 09 ) and found that he was trying to get with 2 different females, talking sexual, while on R&R, he claims he was just talking "****" to them. he order sex pills, and I accidently sent him the first bottle with other perscriptions.(feb 2010) When I found out he said he didnt open the bottle and would send it back un-opened needless to say, he sent a viagra, in a candy wraper, which was a competly different pill. He has lied and decieved me from the start. I have invested too much money and house with him, I havent worked in 2 yrs and I dont plan too. Im to the point that I dont care, because Im the one with the house, cars, money and he can continue to work oversea till his last breath. When he comes home, we go out on trips and get-a-ways and he spends money on me, just like a sugar daddy. I will never trust him, but I will not let his cheating or another woman destroy how I live. Money cant buy happiness, but it sure can keep you confortable. He will never understand what he has done to me emotionally, and the person I use to be. One day God will bless me with a good faithful man, then he might relise what he had.
NMS
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/27/2010 12:14:21 AM
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ArticlePost
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I found out two days after our 7th wedding anniversary that my husband had been cheating on me with a girl he works with. I had no clue and of course I am devastated. I don't think he truly understands how broken I feel. He acts like he's tired of hearing it and has been very cruel to me since finding out. I don't think he is truly sorry. One day he is kind and loving and I have hope that we can be a family again and then the next day he's shut down and mean again. I think he is just waiting till he can afford to leave me. I am so very much in love with the man I married and I am so willing to do whatever it takes for him but I havent seen "that man" in a long time. I just don't understand how you can hurt someone by cheating on them and then keep hurting that person every day after. How can I love a man so much who seemingly does not care about me or how I feel. The only reason for me to live is my Children. They are the only ones who don't make me feel like a waste of space. I have never known so much pain. Will it ever end? I feel hated.
April
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RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity - 11/29/2010 4:03:17 PM
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fiery
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April, I'm sorry to hear you feel so bad. And you're not hated I'm sure so don't let him make you feel like that. Is there any way you could get counseling or go as a couple? Even if he's not interested in going, it would be beneficial for you to go alone and help you sort through your feelings. I would also suggest you go see your doctor for help with the anxiety that such a trying time causes. You need to take care of yourself in amongst all this too.
What does he say when you try talk to him about it, is he wanting to stay together? It must be very hard dealing with such mixed messages from him with him being nice one day and not the next. Has he said why it happened or given you any insight into the situation? Stay strong,girl.
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