When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (Full Version)

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ArticlePost -> When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (2/24/2008 9:42:24 PM)

Nothing destroys a married relationship more than when a spouse cheats. Many issues are affected in the relationship, the least of which is trust. The hurt spouse’s self-esteem is shattered, the love that binds two people together is permanently maimed, and the idea of continuing to live together in

When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity
http://articles.familylobby.com/477-When-He-Cheats…-Coping-With-Infidelity.htm



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (2/24/2008 9:42:24 PM)

I have just found out that my husband has been cheating on me with this girl for at least 7 months. I feel horrible. We have an 8 month old baby. This article has helped me. Thank-you.

Trish



Lisa -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (2/24/2008 10:28:19 PM)

You have to stay strong for your child. Your friends will be there for you in this hard time.



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (3/13/2008 8:21:26 AM)

This is so right on to what I'm going through right now. My husband is a serial cheater. He keeps 2 cellphones both locked with passwords obviously to keep the filthy messages for his eyes only. He has the nerve to justify his act as a "guy thing". My husband is insensitive and disregards the hurt this has caused our marriage. He says that all his harmless (no-sex) cheating do not deserve my anger towards him. He is not the type of person who will work on resolving this either thru counseling or just between the two of us. I want out but paralyzed since I just recently quit my job and have no financial resource to leave. I feel so alone with all of my family being overseas. I am tired of forgiving and letting this come to pass. Instead of comforting me, he tells me he regrets not having crossed the line with all these women. How do I cope. Please help.

Maria



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (3/13/2008 8:24:02 AM)

This is so right on to what I'm going through right now. We have been together for 15 years with 2 children. My husband is a serial cheater. He has girlfriends half his age and keeps emotional ties with women friends. One of them has proudly declared that she wears his shirt at night. He keeps 2 cellphones both locked with passwords obviously to keep the filthy messages for his eyes only. He has the nerve to justify his act as a "guy thing". My husband is insensitive and disregards the hurt this has caused our marriage. He says that all his harmless (no-sex) cheating do not deserve my anger towards him. He is not the type of person who will work on resolving this either thru counseling or just between the two of us. I want out but paralyzed since I just recently quit my job and have no financial resource to leave. I feel so alone with all of my family being overseas. I am tired of forgiving and letting this come to pass. Instead of comforting me, he tells me he regrets not having crossed the line with all these women. How do I cope. Please help.

Maria



ChristineB -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (3/13/2008 4:06:41 PM)

Maria, first of all I'm glad you posted your message and welcome.  I went through a similar situation with my last boyfriend, unemployed and scared.  He not only cheated but was also abusive.  I felt as if I had nowhere to turn.  What I didn't know was, that all along, I did.  Coping is no way to go through life.  I'm not telling you what to because ultimately you have to do what's right for you, and no one can tell you that.  I can tell you that one day I woke up and knew I had had enough.  Like you I had nowhere to go and felt alone, ashamed and stuck.  I confided in a few friends and family members and evetually landed on my feet.  It has been over 2 years now and I am happily involved with a loving, wonderful man who I never would've met had I stayed.  I should also say that in those 2 1/2 years I worked very, very hard on myself through counseling and self empowerment classes. Think long and hard about your happiness, your well being and your safety.  This level of stress will take it's toll and no one is worth the outcome of that type of stress.  I would say, reach out to the ones that are closest to you and listen to your inner voice.  You'll find your way.  Trust me, if I did, you will.  It will seem impossible at first but one day you'll look back and say phew! I did it. I hope this helps.....



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (3/14/2008 12:08:52 PM)

Thank you ChristineB. Yes, my happiness should be of prime concern. The stress and pain have indeed taken its toll. I've had enough of being fooled and strung along. The situations he has brought in to our marriage have destroyed my being and I will work hard in restoring the beauty inside me. Thanks again and I hope to soon post a new beginning from this nightmare.

Maria



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (3/20/2008 3:25:38 AM)

i just cheated on my wife and cannot express how bad it is making me feel. i promised the other girl to keep it a secret. but am not that type - i cannot look into my wife's eyes when i know i cheated on her. after 1 week of torture i decided to be honest and tell her that it was all my fault and that i cheated. we have been married for four years. my wife makes me feel more miserable when she tries to assume some guilt when really it was me who was to blame. with tears in my eyes i say she said she will forgive me but i still feel so bad after all she has done for me. one thing i learnt for sure is that i prefer to live with the guilt on hurting my wife and paying whatever price i will have to pay rather than living my whole life with the nightmare of cheating on my wife and not telling her (that's the only consolation i can think of). i wish i can take back time :(

deeply_sad



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (3/31/2008 2:00:06 AM)

i just found out that my sisters husband is cheating on her and i want to confront him! what should i do?

alice



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/10/2008 12:59:43 PM)

A few days ago, I checked my boyfriend of ten month's cell phone. A text was there from a woman, which read "I love being your whore." He says she is a friend in an abusive relationship that he cares about, but never had intimacy with. He says she has a huge crush on him, but he only wants her friendship. I feel so awful, I can't focus, and I can't think straight. I would appreciate your feedback so much. Thank you

Lana



Mark -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/10/2008 2:32:43 PM)

My girlfriend used to always look through my cell phone. That really bothered me. I feel like it's an invasion of privacy. She even said it's ok to spy on me when I go out. She said, "If I have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem." She looked in my phone and found text messages that were really suspicious, but I did not cheat. They were just messages that seemed flirty and could be taken out of context.

"I love being your whore" is really hard to pass off as a joke between friends. It is wrong to look through someone else's phone, but my guess is he is cheating and will deny it until you have undeniable proof. I do not know of any guy that would admit it upfront.



ChristineB -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/10/2008 6:06:58 PM)

hmmm...thats a tough one.  My opinion is that usually people aren't suspicious at first.  If after dating they start looking at texts, phone records or emails, then there is probably a reason.  The reason may just be insecurity, but it is usually not founded on nothing at all. My experience has been that if I suspect it, then it is true.  It's sad but since the significant others are the last to know, (and will usually prefer to stay in denial), so when THEY suspect it it's usually (unfortunately) true...or at least partly true  Just my opinion though...



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/10/2008 9:46:16 PM)

thanks for your feedback. I never did look through his private things before; I just had an awful gut feeling, and acted on the impulse to look. Now he is in a foul mood with me, saying that I might as well stay with him since I'm so old (31 yr) and have so much baggage. I just feel bad, and don't really have anyone to confide in about this.

Lana



ChristineB -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/11/2008 6:53:32 AM)

hang in there lana.....maybe some couples counseling would work?  When I was in your boat I offered it and he said no...I kinda knew where I stood from that moment on.  I'm not saying to stay or go, just to be aware of who he is, and who you are...and where you both stand with each other.  Life is short, and 31 is not old!  I'm 38 and I bounced back 2 years ago just fine!  ....and am madly in love again, with someone new!  I couldn't be happier!



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/11/2008 10:31:50 AM)

It's been nearly 2 years since my husbands affair and trust does take time. You can heal, but I was crushed and for a long time. It didn't help that the other woman kept calling and texting. After 17 years of marriage i was determinded not to just walk away. I did have to take a step back and look at our lives. I had become very busy with work and the kids and just assumed he knew how much I loved him. I never allowed just us time it was always family.. And now I realize how important that is. We have grown closer and more responsive to one another because of this.. I made it clear everyone's entitled to ONE mistake, I just wasn't looking for it to be that one!! Also, I trusted him without question, work travel, late nights. I met the other woman and just wanted to loose it, but i took the high road so to speak, which just made her more angry.. I could go on and on but the wound has almost healed. Hang in there and try to salvage your relationship if you feel it's worth the fight and also take a good look and see if you've stopped communicating.. That in its self will tell you alot.

scorned mom



ChristineB -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/12/2008 7:57:13 AM)

great advice!  Sorry to hear you had to go through that but I guess we do live and learn. 



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/15/2008 7:17:25 PM)

I just found out my partner was keeping drafts of emails he says he never would send out (personal ad replies). He cried and then advised that he* felt so miserable he might end his own life.. and didn't care about his job. So I had to support him, so we don;t loose the house we just bought together and can't afford as it is.It ended up me consoling him after I found out he may be potentially cheating on me. (of course he denies cheating just that he was drunk one night on a business trip away). I am so scared. I have no family to talk to, and I am very shy and don't make friends easy. I have to face going to work tomorrow after just hearing this, and I don't know how to deal with that.. I just wanted to say you site and the feedback left by the others going through this helped me a bit.. but I don't know how things will ever come close to being the way they were. I want to forgive, but I'm afraid.I feel lost and scared. This is the second time I have found out a partner cheated on me. the last tme I went through this it took me nearly 7 years to even debate seeing other people.. I guess I should have waited even longer...I'm not sure what's worse- being alone and scared, or being in a relationship- alone and scared...Signed, Lost.

Corry



ChristineB -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/16/2008 6:04:26 PM)

awww, hang in there corry.  I know it doesn't like sound like much, but believe me it will get better.  I think the thing you need to focus on right now is YOU.  If you don't have friends or relatives to bounce things off then maybe a therapist could offer some sound advice.  It is always hard and it is doubtful that it will ever be the same, but sometimes that's ok.  If you get through this then things will likely be better because they'll be out in the open.  If not, then you'll be stronger for living and learning.  Life is full of bumps and bruises and all experiences make us human.

On another note, is there someone you could confide in?  At work perhaps?  I don't mean during business hours, but maybe after?  We're always here for you, no worries there, but sometimes a one on one is nicer.

I had an ex who threatened his life too when he got caught.  My therapist said "usually" those that say, don't do.  As a rule of thumb that's cool....just be sure to know what the signs are for real, and not what his signs are to gain your attention and forgiveness.

Hang in there!  I hope this helps...even a little....



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/21/2008 5:42:23 PM)

corry im like you exactly my guy cheated on me nd he wasnt admiting it when i saw messages he was givin me excuses yet worse makin me feel like i was just paranoid till i saw a chat log that had it all tellin a gurl how he wants her and all nd how he cant stop thinkin of her...then he admited coz how can he hide...nd hes askin for forgiveness i dunu what 2 do either im so lost!

bee



ArticlePost -> RE: When He Cheats… Coping With Infidelity (4/21/2008 5:43:20 PM)

corry im like you exactly my guy cheated on me nd he wasnt admiting it when i saw messages he was givin me excuses yet worse makin me feel like i was just paranoid till i saw a chat log that had it all tellin a gurl how he wants her and all nd how he cant stop thinkin of her...then he admited coz how can he hide...nd hes askin for forgiveness i dunu what 2 do either im so lost!

bee



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