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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 8/19/2009 12:27:38 PM
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ArticlePost
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I never would have believed it, but I am going through this same thing. My ex-husband and I married two weeks after I turned 18. That afternoon, we moved from Missouri to Virginia... he had only been married a few days when he left for his first two week Navy cruise. He had signed up for the Navy only a few months prior to the wedding. We had our son a week after our one year wedding anniversary. A month later, he left for a 6 month Med Cruise with the Navy. I was in a strange city, state, and not knowing anyone else, I didn't know where to turn. Just three months later, I came back to Missouri to be with my family. I found a man here who gave me the attention I was craving. I was adamant that my marriage was over and went for a divorce. He fought the idea, was adamant that we could work it out. I was young, immature and stubborn. We were divorced in '99. Currently, he is going through his third divorce. I never remarried, but I did have a few significant relationships over the years, but none of them ever felt like 'the one' to me, so they didn't last. In the last few months, our 13-year old son has been having issues, and I had no choice but to involve his father in them. Until then, I hadn't really talked to him in about 5 years. We have done some major talking and realized that a bunch of mistakes back then. We hugged goodbye one morning and at that moment, I realized then and there that I really caused a lot of hurt to a lot of people when I left him… I hurt him, myself, our son and many others along the way. I realized that this was the reason none of my other relationships survived… I couldn’t give them my whole heart, because someone else still held part of it from years past. But at the same time, I realized that even if I hadn’t left him back in ’96, chances were that we still wouldn’t have made it. I had a LOT of growing up to do. We are both the same people we have always been, just a lot more mature than we were back then. We have realized over the years that there are some things that are worth standing your ground for, but there are many more things that are not worth it, and by doing so, you only hurt the ones you care most about. The most important thing, is we still have the deep love for each other we had back then. He has already asked me if when his divorce is over, and he asks me to marry him again, if I will say yes. I have told him that I have two answers for that question...1-we will cross that bridge when we come to it, and 2- as of right now, nothing would make me happier than being his Mrs. again. I have to believe that dreams really do come true, because I have some that have.
Charmaine
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 8/29/2009 6:18:46 PM
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ArticlePost
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I wouldn't be surprized if people not only refused to remarry their ex-spouses they had the police remove them as unwanted visitors.
AI
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/2/2009 12:50:28 AM
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ArticlePost
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I think its important to see why you divorced in the first place. Was he abusive? controlling?.. my husband have been married befour to a women for eight years. she was very controlling and so was he. she treated his only daughter from a previous marriage very cruel. as a christian husband, he did not want to divorce and put up with the abuse until he could not take it any longer and divorced. when he married me, i noticed some flareing of anger and asked him to get help. he denied help. It got to a point that he was constantly taking his anger at me verbally. we seperated and he told me to forgive him that his anger was from fears and hurts. Some conditions need counsling or there will be no healing and the abuse will alway surface. His x-wife wants him back and he his thinking about it. his daughter who is 20 years old is very angry and tells me that he is only going back to her because i dont want to work it out with him. Good luck to him i say. misery loves company. If he had gone to counsling and looked into his fears and hurt, i would work with him and our marriage could have been saved. I pray that he does not jump into a marriage with his x so soon in order for him to see if she really changed.sometimes you have to observe a person to see if something surfaces.especially when you are getting back with a x who say they have changed. Not only marriage counsling is good but also individual counsling helps because you can say things from your past in front of a counsling that you dont dare say in front of anyone else. my husband still calls me and demands for use to work on our marriage and i am just to hurt that he was so weak and ran to his x. so in a comment to all of you who dont know if you should get back to your x, think about why you broke up in the first place. if its physical abuse then stay away or ask him to get help to find out if he beats you because something in his past is still on his back and he cant let it go. And if its because you were too young and made bad choices then marriage counsling would help befour you get together to put the pieces in place. so re-marriage is not a bad thing, its if you clean up the past dirt befour you think of going back to that person. I hope you find peace in your choices. Lucia
lucia
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/10/2009 7:41:36 PM
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ArticlePost
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There's nothing wrong with remarrying your ex-spouse however history can repeat itself if the problems from the original marriage are left unresolved.Seeing a marriage counselor to make sure that history doesn't repeat itself is always a good idea.
AI
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/20/2009 6:43:04 PM
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ArticlePost
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I believe that on Superman's native planet Krypton which is no longer in existence I believe that the matchmaker machine Matricomp told them to remarry the ex quite often and they did it no questions asked as a result remarrying the ex was very commonplace until Matricomp ceased to exist by shorting out circuits and exploding.
Greg White
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/24/2009 6:30:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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Personally I think that people remarry their ex-spouses out of fear that nobody else will give them the time of day and they'll end up bitter and alone.
ISKCON
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/25/2009 10:40:11 AM
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ArticlePost
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I think all the time what it would be like to be married to my 1st husband again. He was my 1st love and my 1st marriage. The last year of our marriage wasn't so good, but the years prior to that were wonderful! I re-married soon after our divorce and instantly knew it was a mistake. All I can do now is look back at my 1st husband/marriage and my life before. For some reason I got in my head that my 1st marriage was not normal and wanted out. Now I look back and see it was VERY normal. I dream that I am still married to my 1st husband all the time and my heart grieves daily. I truly believe it is because God's intentions are for a man to have only one wife and a wife to have only one husband. (Romans 7:1-3 & 1 Cornithians 7:10-11). When God made Adam - he made one wife for him - Eve. If man were meant to have more than one wife, then he would have created more than Eve for Adam. I did not get saved until after my divorce. It has been 3 years since my divorce. I try to push my feelings down, but it is so hard. I feel that God has forgiven me of my sin of divorce, but I believe I am not living in His perfect will - which is my orginal marriage. I am leaning on God to show me the way - His will and to give me strength. To know what I know now and to be able to go back to where I was would be a blessing! You don't know what you had until it's gone! I truly belive the devil convinces people that the only escape is divorce - when in reality God's intentions are for the man and wife to remain married - even through adultery - which is another trick of the devil - (Matthew 5:32). If my current husband would tell me he thought the same and would return to his 1st wife - I would run, beg, cry and plead to God that my 1st marriage would be restored and I would be reconciled with my 1st husband that God had intended me to be married to for all my life. If only I had known the truth and had been deceived by the devil's lies and tricks! BUT- my eyes are open now! You never know what tomorrow holds, but I am happy about one thing - THE WORD OF GOD AND THE TRUTH - THANK YOU JESUS!!! What God has joined together - LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER! Matthew 19:6
*God's Intentions*
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 10/16/2009 3:18:56 PM
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ArticlePost
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I would marry my ex husband in a heartbeat. I was married to him for 15 years had beautiful children and divorced in 05 cuz he cheated on me. Currently I still love him with my whole heart. We talk everyday even though he has been living with another woman for a year in a half. To be completely honest we have been intimit over since the divorce even though he has a girlfriend. I cry afterwards though because i know he goes home to her and he use to be mine. I date but can never seem to sleep with anyone else has I feel it would be cheating on him. I know this isnt healthy but why doesnt he let me go? I believe he still loves me too because why would he still call me 3 times a day until he goes home to her then he doesnt call.
its me...
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 10/16/2009 10:33:56 PM
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Chelle
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I believe the key to happiness (peace) is to finally give up the hope, that the past could have been any different than it was. We always confuse who they are - with who we imagine they COULD have been. I think we are drawn to people (personality types) that we have unfinished business with from our past. Perhaps still feeling drawn to an ex just means we haven't really completed the "business"? I've kept a good relationship with mine, 'for the kids sake' we all all like to say. Sometimes he seems so great I forget why I divorced him, then after a short time of one on one he starts to annoy the crap out of me again! AND I REMEMBER. Everything is a 2-sided coin...... He's so confident -Oh yeah; and so conceited. He's so focused - oh yeah and so tunnel visioned. He's so easy-going - and Oh yeah so un-motivated. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence - AND over the septic tank!
(LOL, Love Ya Dwayne, always did and always will, but there ain't no going back. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. Today I choose to be Happy......... ;)
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 10/17/2009 2:08:51 PM
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ArticlePost
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I would marry my ex-spouse in a heartbeat. He was my first love, boyfriend man and is/was an absolute beautiful person inside and out. We met in College. After dating, he went back with me to my home country and married me. We lived together for 7 years, but it was financially hard. Additionnaly, I had the pressurs of living away from my family, country and having to adapt to a new culture. There was also a "in-law living situation" that put additionnal pressure in the marriage. I decided I was going to go to school in another town and we separated. I was basically escaping the situation -- not him. He came to visit me once in awhile but as time passed an alos catholic divorced woman at his work got very interested. He finally filed for divorce. He married that woman and has young children with her. However, I still love him and think that we were meant to be with each other. We were married in the Catholic church and for me he is the only husband I will ever have. I regret I-We were so immature at the time. But, what God has joined. -- no-one can separate. I wish that I had God in my life at the time.
Thinker
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/4/2009 9:06:12 PM
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ArticlePost
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Wow! And I thought very few other shared my position. I think carefully and cautiously about my desire to re-marry my ex. I am married again to another and I am not very happy. Not my husbands fault. So I honor my vows and pray for strength to continue to do so. My ex wants me back and I want him back. I found it very difficult to even consider him seriously while i was single because he had not been sober long enough to prove himself.So now, I limit our contact because of our shared feelings. I try not to act on feelings and be true to my vow to God. Its difficult to ignore the constant feeling that the new marriage helped to resurface. I say this because I was single and happy for seven years between my marriages. IT was not until in another marriage that I realized how easy the first marriage was, until drug use on my ex's part became a part of the equation. Now in my current marriage we have to "work on" everything. Very few thingss are peaceful or simply enjoyable. It is a constant up-hill battle. The first marriage was great. We were absolutley compatible in 9 of 10 ways important to me and him. I went over to his place once and was overwhelemed with the complete feeling of being at home. I never have that feeling otherwise, but again, I try not to act on my 'feelings'. So I will wisely keep my vow to my current husband and my distance from my true-love, my ex.
prayerfully standing
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/6/2009 2:41:03 AM
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LostandConfused
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My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 3 1/2 years now. We continued to see each other even after the divorced for about a year and a half, before she decided she wanted to see other people. I have tried to see other people, but for some reason, when I do, I feel guilty. She is now in a serious relationship and is planning on remarrying and I'm truly OK with that. But I know that she was and always will be the true love of my life and if I had to do it all over again, I would. So, the answer is yes I am pretty sure I would remarry my ex-wife.
Unfortunately, the sad truth in life is, the person we see as perfect in our lives, may not see us as being perfect in theirs. I learned the hard way that we can't make someone love us, just because we want them to.
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/6/2009 9:49:26 AM
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fiery
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I would rather stick needles in my eyes whilst walking over red hot coals than remarry my spouse. Never in a million years.
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/6/2009 10:53:33 AM
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ArticlePost
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This one is really hard for me, my marriage was a rollercoaster. Myhusband was always out with the boys drinking,partying and doing drugs,he never invited me,ignored me,and I was always home alone.We never talked about anything he always refused or chose to watch tv instead he also slept with 2 other women during our marriage. I have always loved him ,I knew drug use and alcoholism played a big role in the destruction of our family. I left him and began seeing someone else immediately with whom I think I'm in love with he is absolutely wonderful to me. I am also preagnant with my ex's child He has now been sober for60 days we are able to otalk about everything now and there are no more secrets between us we are currently living in the same house but I'm afraid he will go back to his old ways. I am afraid to leave someone who is so good to me,but I still love my ex husband and want to be there for him as he changes his life. He is trying so hard but I dont know if I trust him to stay sober this is his first attempt for longer than 2 days.I'm so confused should I remarry my ex?
Heather
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/18/2009 1:50:09 PM
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ArticlePost
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Well me and my x are now back togeather after being divorced for 10 yrs it is better than ever....He had an affair back than that i could not get over and he had to go...It is all different now we share 7 Grandbabies.And 3 Grown kid's everyone shartes in our happeness....Do I believe in Soul mates...Yes I do
Annmarie
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/19/2009 1:35:51 PM
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ArticlePost
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YES - to anyone hoping to remarry their 1st spouse there is a website to help people to stand for their 1st marriage. It is a ministry for marriage restoration. Search marriage restoration and see if it comes up. I would post their website, but I don't know if I am allowed. God bless!
PRAY
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/24/2009 1:03:47 PM
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ArticlePost
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Yes I would. I was the one who left but it was only because he wasn't hearing me and what I needed in the relationship. He was a black and white kind of person. Unable to ever forgive anyone in his past. He was both the most beautiful person and could become the most angry. In the middle of the separation I was diagnosed with Cancer. I did not want to put that pressure on him to care for me so I wouldn't let him in. Over time we got back together and he was the most wonderful person to be with during that time. Caring and came with me to all my visits. So you ask what happened.... after the illness things went back and the anger stayed longer. I was feeling the pressure of almost in my 40s with no children. We were having trouble conceiving. He was much older than I. Bottom line...I got tired of listening to his anger and telling him to let it go and not having him being part of my family gatherings and not having my own child I left. He was crushed. My biggest mistake was that I confided in an old friend. It was strictly phone calls but nonetheless wrong. I gave him a reason to not trust me and work on the marriage. So here I am with the person I was able to 'talk' to so long ago and have the least communication than any relationship I have had. Karma huh? I never stopped loving my ex and not a day doesn't go by that I don't think about him. He was so angry that we couldn't even have mutual friends. He never showed up for the divorce (I bawled all the way through it) and I never saw him for over 5 years. As you will figure out....our paths crossed and he has welcomed old friends back in. He even offered that if I ever needed to talk about what happened he would. That alone is a HUGE change for him, in the 12 years we were together he would have never done that. I have decided not to call him right now because the timing is wrong. I have been having issues with my current relationship and he has just started a new relationship. He probably doesn't want to talk for the reason of getting back together but it doesn't matter...bringing up all that past hurt and also happiness can definately make an impact in your thought process. My emotions go beyond 'feelings' that a previous poster put. The things I miss are the things we did together, we loved to travel, help other people in need and music. We got excited about things together and we talked about our future all the time. So why did it go wrong? I didn't communicate my feelings enough and he didn't listen.... but I truly love him and know that I will never have the same feeling for anyone else that I had the day I married him. If it is meant to be....I honestly believe it will be. At least now I know what NOT to do!
Mary Michokus
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/28/2009 2:40:31 PM
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ericagarettson
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It obviously depends on the circumstances, I would be a little embarrassed though.
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 11/29/2009 12:39:26 PM
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fiery
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Nice to meet you ericagarettson, welcome to FamilyLobby. :) Thanks for joining in! It's always great to see someone new.
I would be embarrassed too because I had probably already badmouthed him to friends and family LOL. Imagine having to be amongst them and them all knowing that.
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 12/11/2009 7:28:27 AM
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ArticlePost
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I think this is an amazing article! I would def remarry my ex! We have been divorced for 3 1/2 years and we have both grown so much and I feel have come to see what is important and who we really are, with and without each other! So nice to read this! Thank you for sharing this.
wermeant2b
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