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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 3/29/2011 3:03:11 PM
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DavidY
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Over a year ago I found this forum, with this thread. It brought me great hope and encouragement. For I have been waiting for my wife (divorced) for three years. The Lord has placed this call in my life. My ministry is reconciling marriages. In the recent past I have printed off this discussion and given it to those seeking divorce. This thread shows that the peace people seek from a divorce is an illusion. For some they may get the peace they are looking for. For others, it is the greatest mistake ever made. The theme I have seen....the connection is not severed.
To the last poster: The first step to reconciliation is reaching out. Your husband has been testing the waters. He is just as scared as you are. Reach out to him. Then be constant and consistent. Showing him by word and action. You desire to have him home.
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/5/2011 1:30:00 PM
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ArticlePost
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Go and hug him tell him, losing your true love doesnt get better, if there is a chance put pride away and go do what it takes...
james
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/5/2011 11:51:03 PM
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ArticlePost
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If you read this tonight...i have missed him. He is me we have been tgether for 10 years and seperated for 1.5 years, but not really. He's always been there no matter who else I considered.My soul-mate, my love....divorced...Ridiculous...now we work on repair..Dont do it (divorce)
ChristinM
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/9/2011 11:12:15 PM
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ArticlePost
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I was married for 13 years to the man I thought I would grow old with. After many years of feeling neglected and ignored I felt that I needed to stand up for myself, that I mattered, and divorced him. Feeling unwanted and unloved was killing me. We have now been divorced for three years and have been dating for the last year and a half. He moved in about six months ago. I can't say the divorce was a bad thing - he is a better father and significant other than he ever was before. I'm lost now, I don't know how to describe our relationship. He's not my boyfriend or simply an exhusband. He is the other half to me, we balance eachother out and make a remarkable team. I don't know how not to be his wife, however I am afraid I never will be again. Anytime it is brought up he can't help but say "but you divorced me". He's right I did and it saddens me that I had to go to such a drastic measure to find balance and I may never again be his wife.
camille
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/13/2011 10:16:22 AM
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ArticlePost
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Married for 18 years which 10 of ti was great until he turn 40. Buying and another woman cause me to say no more. But I can not let go and he says the same. We have other people in our lives and I do not want to hurt anyone. I can not move on with this person but scared of going back and getting hurt again. My ex says never but the one he left me far is still in the picture. I know he doesn't love her the way he should but he didn't love me either like he should have. I just don't know what to do, need help please!
lf4646
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/18/2011 2:56:47 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have been apart from my ex for 11years. But we have remained freinds, he has had a few girlfreinds, and l have had a couple of boyfreinds,the longest 3 months. When we split we had become distant and he left me for someone else, that did not last. I still love him so very much but never let anyone know. I am sure he is fond of me, l would love to tell him but am afraid that the feeling is not the same. So l can quite understand when l read articles that say you have a soul-mate. He will be mine for ever.
Jan
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/22/2011 5:58:24 PM
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ArticlePost
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Just like Many I have been divorced from my husband 3 1/2 years now. I have not had a date and I honestly doesn't believe that he is seeing anyone either. I spent many night crying and trying to forgive myself for divorcing the one man that I truly loved and adore. To be honest we are divorced but not separated. But every time I will run it by him to get remarry he simple say I married only one time and I am not divorced. We lived separately. I am not the same person I used to be life is no longer about me or mine and the truth I was selfish I put my children (not his Kids) before our relationship.I do not think I can have another relationship. I just do not ever think to date anyone else it would never be the same. I urge people who have rough spot in their relationship to think twice before you ever think about the big "D" it is damaging and it hurt. True love can work out anything. The pain of divorce is unbearable and it never goes away. I prayed that one day he will consider giving me a chance in his life again to be a wife and to be a better wife. I would love to grow old with him. I know we could be a wonderful couple again only if he is willing to help
hurt and heart broken
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 5/25/2011 4:15:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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My exhusband and I just went through bitter divorce 9 months ago. We were married almost ten years and have three beautiful babies. After two affairs I decided I wanted out. He begged and pleaded with me, but my heart was hardened to the thought of giving him another chance. In the months after the divorce I have noticed many changes in him. He goes to church more, studies his bible and gives more of himself to his family. I always felt that I made a mistake and wished I had the strength to fight harder for our marriage, but it may be too late for us. A few days ago we were intimate and now I'm just not sure how to feel. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place!! My heart still loves him but I am afraid of what could be or not be. I dont want us to go through that pain again!!!
Heartbroken
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 6/12/2011 8:26:53 AM
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ArticlePost
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After 29 years my divorced me to seek excitement with another man. I was hurt and confused to the point of praying to god to take me home. I know I had to be strong for my Grownup Children and to be the grandfather that would make them proud. But inside I am all torn up. Like a Duck in the Water, On the outside all seems calm and cool. The Ex wants back in my life and tells everyone were working on our relationship? I just will never be able to commit to her or anyone ever again. It would now be hard to trust anyone. I will always love her and No One else.... But she left me and I can never forget or get over this fact. Why is it that I can't forget the past, and why I can't give her another chance?
Bill
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 6/21/2011 6:26:55 AM
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ArticlePost
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The more I think about our divorce the more I think about how much divorce hurts the whole family. My older children are crushed and even though my ex wife doesn't have anything to do with me I know in my heart she is hurting. She was selfish and I was selfless. I realize the lack of respect and the lack of love led to our relationship fading into the dark. Now I pray to God everyday to bring my family together in love and if the lord wants us back together he will do it in his time. I am very lonely but realize I can't change my ex and I can only change myself. I will probably never marry again and when I see my ex I will treat her with respect and dignity.
Rick
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 7/2/2011 12:45:43 PM
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ArticlePost
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At the end of 2006 my wife and I filed for divorce. she had left me for another man two months after giving birth to our second child. The pain I felt from this experience left me with emotional trauma I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. In the summer of 2007, we were both remarried to someone else and both have regretted the divorce and re-marriages in the first place. I have been seperated/divorced from my second wife since Dec, 2009 and have had no serious relationship since. My first ex has matured emmensely (and so have I) and we had never stopped loving each other. She wants to leave her current husband now so we can get back together. I want to do the right thing, i have told her that she has to do this on her own and I would never tell her to leave him for me. He is a recovering Heroin addict who has never had a job thier entire marriage, she is at witts end with him and wants stability and her children back in her life. Our two kids mean the world to us and we both are excited for each other to be back in thier lives. I want to do the right thing, I just don't know what it is.
confused
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 7/11/2011 1:26:49 PM
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ArticlePost
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We got married too young. We were teenagers. We were married for 3 (almost 4) years. I loved him, but was too immature to fight for our relationship. I was weak and moved on. I NEVER cheated. I got married to another man a few years later and had 2 children. We stayed married for 16 years. I stuck it out mainly for the kids. He was a good guy (very dull, never talked much) and he wasn't really my type. I ended up having an affair and I divorced him. Not long after that I met someone else and ended up marrying him. He's a good guy too. He's a lot of fun, but spends too much money and has no control over the other half of his family. Through the years, I have missed my first ex. I think I never stopped loving him. I was so young and confused back then, but realize that I still have feelings. It's been 25 years since we were married. He never re-married and never had any children. He told me that he still had feelings for me. I've changed, he's changed but I feel like we need to just take our time getting reacquainted with each other. I'm not going to just leave my husband now. I am going to try to make things work. How would that make my ex feel if I left my husband to go be with him? He'd never be able to trust me. I already had to live with guilt when I cheated on my 2nd husband and I will not go through that again. I'm not rushing into or out of anything, but I have a feeling that one day, we will be back together.
MaryB
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 7/14/2011 4:17:25 PM
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ArticlePost
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Someone above said that we are not the same as we were when we said our original vows, they are so right. I left my second husband because of his temper and selfishness, but I had an emptyness inside too and was seeking God more, too. After some very poor choices, God showed us that love and forgiveness can happen and remarrying each other is in the picture, but it hurts right now that we are living together and not getting our commitment right with God... however, he still needs some time. My dad does not support this, but we have both changed and his heart is more there and he shares more and listens more and I have changed and am more supportive of his dreams, as I have been pulled through other life situations that helped me to see how his dreams are not only a livelihood, but that our family's togetherness is worth everything. Our daughter's deserve our love and our family being together and peace is there, which helps me to realize that God is behind it... and nothing makes sense to the world... Forgiveness and grace do not make earthly sense and God's transforming hearts and bringing families back together is possible, miracles still do occur... I believe and praise Him for what He has given us. I am sorry we had to go through a divorce and so many losses and hurts, but we would not be who we are today, without the trials that created our character, perseverance and stronger faith in God.
SMiller
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 7/15/2011 1:40:28 PM
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ArticlePost
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I've been divorced from my ex-husband for 13 years. I was angry and hurt for so many years that I hid from him and moved so he could not find me, after 13 years we reconnected again. We have both had 1 other relationships but never remarried. He has been in and out of his current relationship for the past year. We spoke for the first time this week and have spoken every day, I cant believe how much more we have in common now that we are older and how easy it is to talk and be friends. He wants to meet for coffee and I am scared to see him, I dont want to be the cause of his current relationship failing and I also dont want to fall for him and then loose him again. I'm holding out to see how his current relationship does, but I totally agree that there is a bond to the person we choose to marry and that bond is so strong. After all these years our lives brought us back together, I can only hope that in 6 months we are back together and some day remarried.
bella
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 7/21/2011 3:44:57 PM
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ArticlePost
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Some adivce for those contemplating remarrying your ex; I would suggest taking it VERY VERY slowly.First, I believe in healing any old wounds. If there was something that you resent get it out in the open, pick off that festering scab, squeeze out the infection, apply some ointment and then bandage it up and leave it alone! Get resolution and put it to bed for once and for all. If you don't take care of the past it will return to haunt you. Second, get to know each other again. Take it slowly! Date before you jump back in to marriage. Has the person really changed? Give it some time and test them out. No need to rush things. All people show their true colors in time. Third, keep sex out of it. It will only cloud your judgement. Rebuild on foundations that will last. Sex is the icing on the cake. Eat it alone and it will make you sick.Lastly, work on becoming best friends. If there is true love there it will follow...Bottom line - if you don't resolve the problems that caused your divorce then get prepared for another one.Just my 2 cents...
Dr Phil
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/13/2011 8:35:44 AM
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ArticlePost
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Marriage of 20 years, 4 gorgeous children, separated for two years, divorced 6 months.....She sought the divorce, it needed to happen to change some behaviors - mine and hers. I truly feel she is my soul mate - I will always love her. I have seen a few other women since our divorce - there was never any infidelity. What does God want? There is a very slight opening though nothing overt. Do I ask her? Or just let it play out? Does she want to explore this? We talk daily, going hiking together.... I have ended a close relatioinship with another woman in order to pursue this... I have changed so much,,,
Roy
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 9/18/2011 4:16:53 AM
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ArticlePost
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Couples get divorced for various reasons....and too often if they reunite they forget about the negative aspects that led them to get divorced.As a rule, most people do not change all that much; and the odds of having the second time around turn out a success are extremely low.A divorced couple would have to date for at least a minimum of two years to know if they could make it work out. And even then it's a crap shoot.Personally, I would not want to be with my ex...that's why I divorced him in the first place. It's best to learn about yourself and move on with you life instead of going backwards.
Much Wiser Now!
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 10/3/2011 6:44:08 PM
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aurora72
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
... Personally, I would not want to be with my ex...that's why I divorced him in the first place. It's best to learn about yourself and move on with you life instead of going backwards.
Much Wiser Now!
Yeah but what if it's not so easy to move on with life forwards? Did you know Elvis Presley started to live a very miserable life after his wife left him?
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 10/5/2011 11:57:16 AM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: aurora72
Yeah but what if it's not so easy to move on with life forwards? Did you know Elvis Presley started to live a very miserable life after his wife left him?
He neglected her for his career and she rightly did not put up with being secondary to that. Which goes to prove that money and fame does not buy happiness. Rich or poor, you do not take your spouse for granted because one day you'll turn round and find they packed their bags while you were so busy with other things that you thought mattered more than your relationship.
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RE: Would You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse? - 12/1/2011 3:14:06 PM
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ArticlePost
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My former and I divorced in late 2009 and I have not been the same since. We've spoken a few times VERY briefly on the phone..serveral months ago. Even hearing his voice makes my heart heavy and sad. We were married for 5 years, but together for a total of 10; so technically he was my first love, not to mention my first husband. I think of him every single day. And the memories still linger on, and they cut right through me like a knife. Around the time we split up, I wanted out so bad because I was convinced he did not love me anymore and that in turn he was in love with someone else. On night on the phone I even confessed to him how much I missed him and made a fool of myself. Sometimes I feel that the divorce was all my fault and now I'm paying for it with being lonely and unable to get over him. Each day I try to keep in mind that if god really wanted us to be together, then somehow, some way he will bring us back together. I believe in the power of the universe, fate, and destiny. But until then, I can do nothing but live my life and continue to move on. Yeah, sometimes I wonder if he is happier without me and with someone new, but I can't dwell on things that I have no control over. Eventhough I still love him and miss him every single day, it is what it is. Good luck to everyone on rekindling their long lost loves, I'm with you all. Peace.
E.
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