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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/7/2011 6:47:23 PM
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ArticlePost
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I don't know when these posts were made but one thing i know is that the hurt that goes along with the ultimate betrayal runs so deep it can be self destructive and damaging. I am going though this now and have decided to stay with my cheating husband for the sake of the kids. I have come to terms with the situation be it as it may. I have not fully accepted the fact this has happened to me but realize that it did happen and life does go on whether i accept it or not. I still have to conitnue on raising my children an pick up the pieces where he fell short for their sake. However in finding this site, it has opened my eyes to possibilities i did not see before but may consider. In either case i believe that although this may be put in the past, this marriage has changed forever, and as for it being better, i will never be accepting of this dilemma i have been put in. Infidelity is a cancer in a marriage. And no matter if the cheating partner is sorry or regretful the fact remains you did not value your partner enough to overcome this temptation. So to say a marriage is even better after an affair is like giving it the credit to making you stronger. Inifidelity does not merit credit but insult. Excuse me if this sounds bitter, but it bothers me when i read that woman say as a result of the affair they are better than before. It sounds as though your thankful the affair happened. That is just wrong. Don't give this negative force the time of day let alone accept it as a mistake. Infifelity is not a mistake but a deliberate choice. We need to stop downgrading it as a mistake it is what it is...a choice of selfishness, direspect, and non caring of their partner regardless of whatever problems the marriage is encountering.
myheart
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/13/2011 2:58:15 PM
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ArticlePost
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i've been married for 16 years - my husband has chased me relentlessly for 13 years of our marriage - all of a sudden his sex drive is slowing down - we're both gaining weight - i already don't feel as sexy - this winter he kissed my best friend - that's all a kiss - this is someone i never thought would cheat - they both tell me they were drunk - it was nothing - why can't i get over it??? i am so hurt - i feel like he doesn't want me anymore - i've asked him if he wants out - he says he loves me -he says he wants me - my selfesteem has been shattered! how do i get it back?? i feel bad even posting this when i read some of the stories on here about husbands w/multiple affairs or affairs that last for months or years - it was just a kiss - why is my heart so broken?
lizzy4isu
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/15/2011 11:44:25 AM
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ArticlePost
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After 15 years of marriage, my husband had an affair with a coworker. I was a stay at home mom for 5 years and then went back to work. He claims he had the affair because he felt that I no longer had time for him that kids came first, then my job and then him - last on the list. He is so selfish. He of course broke it off after being scared that I would take the kids. He claims that he never loved her. I made the mistake of meeting her at the park and she told me everything about their affair. She was going through a divorce and my husband and her copared notes on whose spouse was worse. I personally think that she divorced her husband thinking she got a better catch with my husband. Apparrently, they slept together nearly everyday in her vehicle. He told her that she was his sole mate and that they were meant to be together. Here I was struggling with guilt trying to manage the home and my new job and the kids and this jerk cheats on me. He told me that he never loved her just that he flet neglected by me. You don't have affair because your socks are no longer organized in your drawer and there are dishes in the sink. I have so much hatred and such low self-esteem about myself. I have stayed with him because I have two young children and I don't want to hurt them. I work - have my own house and am not financially tied to him in any way so I know I could kick him out at anytime but do not want to hurt my children. How do you decide to stay together or to end it. I don't know that I will ever get over the hurt - it has been a year. I know I need to seek help but don't want others knowing of my business.
Invisible
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/21/2011 7:11:03 AM
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ArticlePost
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My Husband had several affairs from day one of our marriage. I found out 5 years into the marriage. We had gone to service on a Sunday and out for lunch. He thought if he told me in public I would not get too upset. We have no children in this marriage. We decided to stick it out. We when to therapy. When I found out that he had been cheating, my first thought was " how could he do that to me, poor me, I am a good wife how could he do that to me". I worked out like mad. Keeping myself busy. I came to the conclusion that he did it to himself. He broke the vows, he damaged his relationship with God. We talked about his relationship with God. I asked him how important God was to him. I told him he needed to talk with God and ask forgiveness and apologize to me and my family. We will be married 25 years Aug 16th, 2011. He knows that if this should occur again there will be no talking about it. I will leave because I am too smart and good looking to tolerate such behavior. I deserve to be loved and respected. If stay with your husband that is yours, your husband and Gods decision. Nobody else's.
Robin
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/21/2011 4:59:15 PM
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ChristineB
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So true Robin. Thanks for sharing that.
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The Traveling Pendant
My Mom's dying wish....
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/21/2011 9:40:13 PM
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ArticlePost
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i had an affair with a married man for four years. he did tell me all of the things like he loves me and when we are together. he also told me that his wife made him miserable and that he could not live without his children. i knew we would never be together but it really worked for me. i am a single mom, was just getting out of divorce and really did not have time to give to a real relationship. after four years his wife found out and all of a sudden i was the seductrous one and that i was madly in love with her husband and just wanted him, yada yada yada. then he had a whole other story as well, according to him i was not just sleeping with him but everyone else in the office too and that he never fell in love with me. we are over a year out and his wife has done nothing but a continuous sad parade of what a terrible person i am. he has done nothing to stop any of it. to sum it up, he lied to her for four years, lied to me for four years so how can you ever believe a man that has cheated on you and truly broken all vows, then came home and climbed in bed with you everyday. since then i have truly found real happiness and safeness so why would you want to sale yourself short as a woman and continue to put yourself in that position day after day and to make your children acceptable to that, what could you possibly be teaching your children? affairs never end up well, everyone involved always get hurt especially if you fall for the constant lies. i truly regret ever knowing him and the involvement with her. you never really know a person even if you are married to them especially if they are a man like this one. i just hope he never gets the chance to do this to anybody else and as for her, in the beginning i felt sorry for her, but now her constant blame of me and ignorance of his involvement makes me just want her to get whatever she deserves for her ignorance. its not bitterness, its just that a person like that can never be helped. you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. so wives of cheating men, just don't sale yourself short you deserve better than that. the ironic thing is i am a statistic of a cheating husband as well, but i obviously didn't stay with him.
the other woman
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/22/2011 11:00:53 AM
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tired
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Hey Robin - I'm glad you stuck it out and it all turned out good for you!! I think the reason you had such success is that he admitted to what he did and was remorseful. I wish I had that luck - almost going on 25 years as well but his cheating was later on in the marriage and no admission so no remorse-only once thank goodness. That's what makes it difficult to work on in counseling or at all. I am also in agreement that it is nobody else's business but yours and his what you decide to do. Marriages are between two people!! Keep up the good work!!!
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/23/2011 4:41:25 PM
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ArticlePost
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I don't agree with a cheater making a marriage better. I've been married for 11 years and always find out that my husband is cheating and over and over again, I forgive him. He tells me that he only attempts to cheat to see if the other woman will. That is a lame ass excuse. I'm trying to find it in my heart to leave him because if its not one woman, its another. He just can't be trusted. Everytime he's gone or talking or texting on the phone, I'm always wondering who is he texting? Its not healthy for me and nor is it fair since He is the one cheating. A cheater will always be a cheater point blank.
Confused
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/26/2011 9:46:35 PM
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ArticlePost
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Invisible, Dont make yourself miserable just bc of your children. They definetly dont need to see there daddy doing stuff like that to their mom. and they dont need to see you miserable over it either. I say really think about it and do what is healty for you!
Tiffany
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/23/2011 3:30:26 AM
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ArticlePost
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i get so fed up with one exscuse after the other for a man and his affairs, yes i love my husband, he is a cheat, and a liar, but i love him, i took vows to stay with him no matter what, men are weak, but we all have choices, we know right from wrong, this we leaned at our mothers knee, i am still confused at all the lame excuses they give us, when we as mothers give our all to our children, dads have to take a step back, we are not robots, you cannot switch on the sex drive button at will, and for lords sake ,why is sex such an important isssue, i love sex, with my husband, if it stopped i would still have my husband,i would miss the closeness, but i still think its a big big mistake, to give up a marrage for a night of sex with some one that is just for that , i am often told by my cheating husband," we make love" we do not have sex, that is in his eyes the difference, so there we are, one mans exscuse for sex, its been off and on in his life for many years, i know he would never leave me, i think some men are sadly addicted to sex, as they get older they blame all sorts for there lack of intrest, only looking is enough, but somtimes we all change, we take a look at ourselves [women] and change, thanx to tv and the media we have decided we are important and not just the extention of there mothers, i have spoken to many women, they all love sex and seem to have awoken the urge for more, most of my friends are happily married with loving husbands some not, becauce your men have cheated dnt become invisable, rise above it, look at yourself, you are special, you are woman they need you more than you need them,yes sex can be important,but so are you, betrayal is painfull, it soaks deep into your heart and soul,i know.I have 6children whom i adore, and many granchildren, but i still find tim for me,i will sleep long and hard when my time comes, but i am alive and i am woman, heads up, chins out, walk the walk, sing dance,its all we can do, i have many sisters of the soul and mind, i am lucky, there is always someone who will listen, dnt sit and dwell on HIS mistakes, they are not yours to mend, they are his, and men usually regret there infidelity, or somtimes say no i dnt do it, as they cannot believe it themselves, as i said they are weak and the woman that sleeps with a married man well, i am really unsure what to say about them, i thought sisters stuck together, but life is not that simple is it, remember you are important, you are special, When i was pregnant with my 6th baby he cheated, and many times after that, the women where nothing special, no leggy blondes or beauties, just ordinary women, yes like me, so i was puzzled, i dnt take it well at first, i lost weight, i became reclusive, after the last one i was a wreck, my daughter was pregnant with her second baby, she said do you want to see your grandchild or not, i was that bad, i was at the edge of life, she was beside herself with worry,all my huband could say was, why dnt you eat, they have not got a clue have they, but then i started to gain weight, yes and it did do me a favour i suppose, all that binding weight had gone, but i gained self confidence my husband would say i was on the prowl, what a sad excuse for a man he was wasnt he, but still i loved him,we are sad at times but why should i give up all i had worked for, many would say i have nothing, i did disagree, i have ME, and i will always be me, i have no easy answer for anyone who has gone thru the same, some take there men to the clenerers, financially, good for you, if thats how you deal with it so be it, but when there is no money to gain what do we have, when you are young with a young family it is hard, you listen to there sorrys and get on with your life, closing the door of infidelity behind you,it is painfull, it is life draining, but we have to get on with life the best we can, trying to hide it from everyone,its difficult, i have had people say you are a martyr, i couldnt understand? but i do now, i would speak of my husband in such a way, trying to turn all against him,even when they gad no clue who he was, people in the doctors surgery it would always come around to the same subject, cheating, most women have had some dealings with it, i was amazed, then i dnt feel so alone in my own little world of pain,its gets better, i look at my husband and feel sorry for him now, as he will never have the respect of the children as i do, the boys are all men now,i worry they will turn out like them, so i ahve spoken to them all in turn about this isssue, and how they have choices in life, i explain how they have no rite to mke vows and just throw them in the face of the woman they marry, if they are not happy to talk about it, the girls to! they have also hade the special talk as i call it, its not easy the media makes all things look better to us,skin cream to make you younger,hair colour to enhance your face, dresses and killer heels to make you look like a goddess, so men look at us and then look at the tv and obviously thing life is just for them alone, well girls its not!we go for walks he holds my hand, i look into his eyes and see true love at last, the love i had in the beggining, nothing else matters anymore, i have closed that heavy door of infidelity tight shut, and i have the **** key!, so it can get better, we will never understand, we just have to try, blessings to all you women out there with a story to tell, and a heart to heal, xx
rowan
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/24/2011 10:18:44 PM
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ArticlePost
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I would say that you should lay down the law the very first time, nd even thien walk- they DO NOT change - ever. Leave and find a real man,there nust be one or two left out there - good luck
40years and counting
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 8/14/2011 11:35:21 PM
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ArticlePost
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men cheat ...and the women stays...well i think when a men cheats there sick... now, would u leave a ur spouse if he had cancerr..no because he's sick... but the problem lye's with both the women and the man . men cheat because there weak and were not they feel as if they have already lost in this relationship so they get around their buddie and start feel themselves and every women they see , they want but the only women that falls for his weak game goes and thats because she's weak and sick also oh and desperate and not knowing she only a bulls eye for the night .so to the women that has these type of issues just know the ur man is sick and dont give him the satisfaction to know that ur hurt because if he knows that ur hurt them he know ur weak and then he'll do it again and u wouldn't have a clue hun....love all u women out there.
theriteone
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 8/15/2011 9:37:37 AM
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ChristineB
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Wow, sometimes I am speechless after reading posts. This is one of those occasions...
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The Traveling Pendant
My Mom's dying wish....
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/2/2011 12:19:22 PM
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ArticlePost
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Dear invisible,I realize after reading a good majority of these posts that when the men are confronted they point the finger at the wife saying they were neglected or did not feel wanted. I'm sorry, this is yet another attack on your self esteem. Some men have an amazing ability to turn situations such as these into our short comings. Women will always look for fault in themselves first and try to make changes. These men are the ones that need to make change. The betrayed spouse has done NOTHING wrong and is not "lacking" in any area.....these are excuses used by the men (in these cases) to place the blame on the victim. Stand up, brush yourself off, end your victimization and show your children a happy mother. Show your daughters how they can stand up for themselves and what is NOT acceptable and in turn show your sons how to be "real men". It's your life too, it's okay to enjoy it and have peace without feeling guilty.
podsister
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/3/2011 7:15:59 PM
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fiery
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ArticlePost
Dear invisible,I realize after reading a good majority of these posts that when the men are confronted they point the finger at the wife saying they were neglected or did not feel wanted. I'm sorry, this is yet another attack on your self esteem. Some men have an amazing ability to turn situations such as these into our short comings. Women will always look for fault in themselves first and try to make changes. These men are the ones that need to make change. The betrayed spouse has done NOTHING wrong and is not "lacking" in any area.....these are excuses used by the men (in these cases) to place the blame on the victim. Stand up, brush yourself off, end your victimization and show your children a happy mother. Show your daughters how they can stand up for themselves and what is NOT acceptable and in turn show your sons how to be "real men". It's your life too, it's okay to enjoy it and have peace without feeling guilty.<br><br>podsister
Well said, podsister! I feel like standing up and applauding!
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/18/2011 6:41:29 PM
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ArticlePost
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They stay because they're fat old idiots with no self esteem and no one else wants them, not even their own husband or he wouldnt be cheating in the first place.
Rhonda
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/2/2011 11:42:03 AM
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ArticlePost
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when women stay, the cheating husband concludes that he can cheat and still stay married. he will cheat, over and over again. the enabling wife will just plummet into a self loathesome existance and the children will learn the cheating/be cheated lifestyle. have the courage to end the cycle and leave.
glinda
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/18/2011 5:32:12 PM
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ArticlePost
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Have you stopped to think that they stay because the devil you know is better than the Devil you don't know? All men cheat. If you don't think yours will- think again.
Lisa
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/27/2011 5:27:01 PM
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ArticlePost
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a male was created to procreat,, but his animal instincts provoke him to be an animal...some tame , some dont!
lost and found
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/3/2011 2:59:25 PM
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ArticlePost
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They satay because they are afraid of the unknown. however, that is the same reason they should leave because they just might find someone better that they do not know yet who will make them their queen.
L.A.P.
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