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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/16/2009 12:06:21 AM
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ArticlePost
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to "mom of 3 sons" stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up trying to figure out what YOU have done wrong! Obviously he has the problem, not you. Take it from someone who has been cheated on. Please do what it takes to take care of yourself and your sons. I know "easier said than done" but you have to take yourself out of this hurtful situation. I to was very scared of being alone, but I have very good friends to lean on and cry on their shoulder. That is what you need to do. Don't try to keep this all inside, you need to vent to someone, and I am a very good listener, maybe don't always have the best advise but I do know how you are feeling and what you are going through. My husband only cheated the one time, but isn't once enough? Thank God he realized that HE was wrong and took the blame for what he had done. Sure I was not the "picture perfect wife", but who is? Please read my comment posted above it will kinda explain my situation and what I went and am going through. I hope the best for you, it won't be easy, probably the hardest thing in your life to go through! Your husband needs to figure out what he wants out of life, he can't keep doing this to you and the kids, and you can't keep allowing him to do this to you. This is a test of your strength, show to him that YOU are not going to allow this anymore and that he has to be a man and take responsibility for what he is doing to you and the kids. If he cares, he will change and come to his senses that he has all that he needs right if front of him...a devoted, loving wife and mother that GIVES all to her family. Do whatever it takes to NOT let him break you down any more than you already are. It is hard as Hell not to but you have to be strong for yourself and your kids.
S L
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/17/2009 2:50:34 PM
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Hope
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I'm married for almost 4 yrs now and with 1 child.I found out recently that my husband cheated on me 2 years ago before he got me pregnant because I found out that he got me infected.
I ask him how did it happened and he confess everything.I was away for a 3 yrs since I'm working oversea and we only see each other 2 to 3 tyms in a year. He said things happened only for fun coz he did it only 4 times in 4 months and b4 he got me pregnant he already regret what he did .I was so shocked whe I heard those words. I really cant believe that he cheated on me.I got nothing to do unless cried and cried trying to figure out why things happened. He ask forgiveness to me and to my family he even cried begging for forgiveness to them that he really regret a lot and promise not to do it again for he cannot afford to lose us. Does he deserve a second chance? Does he really regret what he does? I want to have a peace of mind....
HOPE
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/17/2009 10:31:19 PM
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ArticlePost
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To mom of 3 sons: I am very happy that I can help even if it is just a word or two of encouragement. The only way you are going to believe him is by his actions, what does he do when you are upset about the situation? Does he get defensive or does he play the "I know, I know" game...turn the tables on him and give him the "cold shoulder" for awhile. Let him "think" you can manage without him, maybe that will scare the hell out of him. Sometimes a shock will set them straight! Take yourself out of his "game" and start doing things for yourself with your kids and sometimes without. Let him wonder what YOU are doing...I'm not encouraging you to do something wrong, just mysterious to him. From what I read you don't have any of your own friends or family within a close range to talk to, that bites! It's like he basically has you where he wants you... ALONE! Nobody to turn to when you need somebody. Is he a control freak by chance? Your stuck at home to take care of the kids and house and he has free roam to come and go as He pleases, kind of a "do as I say, not as I do" person? I hope not cuz honey that personality is an issue in itself. Majority of the time they will lead you to believe that they have stopped the cheating, just so you let your gaurd down and think things are going fine, and be right back at it again...I hope like hell this doesn't happen to myself, but I am not letting my gaurd down just yet, and don't plan to anytime soon! Just be cautiuos of the showering of gifts, or the "things seem to good to fast situations...I have that feeling that he is taking you for grantit, that you will always be there no matter what, that is why I say you have to do things for yourself and let him wonder if you even need him. I certainly did...I had an apartment rented out for just the kids and I and had lead him to believe I was moving on, (which is what my plan was) believe me it wasn't easy 23 yrs with the same person is not easy to get over and move on, considering I'm only 38 yrs. old. I did what I had to do, what I felt was right for myself and the kids! I cried the whole time I filled out papers for public assistance, and child support. I kept making excuses for him and blaming myself, but in actualality, it was him, not me that messed us up. Sure it takes two, if that slag was laying on my doorstep dying of thirst or starvation, I would shut the door in her face, that's how much I hate that so called person...I would even drive by her if she had gotten into a serious car accident and needed help. Something I would have to answer to at the "Pearly Gates" but right now, it's justified! See how easy it is to let the bitterness take over, and to let the floodgates swing w-i-d-e open. Not something that I want to happen but it does, and you can't NOT let it happen, your only human...it's only natural to have those feelings, and hatred feeling towards another person(s). Believe me there are times I look at him and want to inflict equal amounts of pain on him as he did me, but two wrongs don't make a right! You need to take a step back and figure out if you foresee this situation ever getting better or if you need to take the next step and remove yourself and kids from this heartache. Hope to hear from you again soon...hang in their babe, and know that I am here for you! P.S. I think I would even remove her from her car and leave a couple of size 9 bootprints on her butterface! Just a bit of bitter humor...but I wouldn't put it past myself to actually do it! Haa take that *****!!!!
S L
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/19/2009 9:59:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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I completely understand the wanting to soak in all of his attention! You deserve it and lets face it isn't that what a women needs and deserves. Not that our men don't by any means. I live by the antige (did I spell that right??)women like to hear and men like to see. Meaning we like to hear that we are loved and appreciated and men like to see that they are appreciated and loved, and we all have our own way of showing and saying how and why. I'm glad to hear that you are taking some time and not going to make a hasty decision, something that you may regret later on. You are the only one that truly knows and understands the situation, I can empathize with you for the most part...I just hope he's not smoothing it over so you let your guard down. I not trying to put thoughts into your mind, just giving you a heads up, something to look out for. I truly hope that he is being genuine and wants to prove himself to you. When we decided to work things out, I can honestly say he wasn't in it whole heartely. I remember one Sat. nite that we got into and argument and I'm the type if I want to talk it's right know not tomorrow etc. Well anyway he was being cocky and giving me smart-A answers and I looked at him and said "I f-n hate you and stay the f out of my life" OOOOOWH was that an eye opener for him. I truly don't know what he was thinging or feeling at that time, but he was awfully quiet and withdrawn the next day. Not angry or upset ...just a "beaten down" look on his face. I spend the most part of the rest of the day packing things to move the kids and I into my apartment. I was not going to give the apt. up just yet. I had 95% of my stuff moved in at this point, and I think he then realized that "hey she's serious, she's moving on and it don't necessarily include me!" That's what I assume he was thinking, wouldn't we love to pick apart their brain some moments...they say women are hard to understand-ugh. I better go hope the best for you and stay strong! I'll be waitin' to hear from you soon!
S L
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/20/2009 10:35:12 AM
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momof 3 sons
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PS.......... I started to do the phone call (you arent anything but a peice of $h*% W&*#e and yada yada yada) to ms thing, but that is so "high school" soooooooooo when I DO see her which I WILL this is a small town after all, NON violently inadvertanly with the mouth of a LADY( as my mom would say) "show" her a what a REAL woman is!! FYI a funny tidbit, when her husband (soon to be ex) caught mine in her house, they got into a fight and my husband won completly. This is a little ol guy and my husband isnt so little, but the little guy had B@l!z enough to try my husband, when I called her and asked I said and I QUOTE, I am calling you WOMAN TO WOMAN, don't BS me and play me for a fool, be a f*#@ n woman and tell me what the H3!l is going on. Again WOMAN TO WOMAN!!!! And she played stupid denying it completly!! Well the moral here is even AFTER my husband wrestled with her husband and "won" he called MY house and my husband answered and he TOLD my husband he wanted to talk to ME! Gotta say she needs to learn something from him because the little guy has courage after all that.!!!! I guess thats the difference in when you are wronged or the one doing the wrong! I just have to remember to leave the potty mouth out when I finally see her, because my mother inlaw said make her feel like trash without making yourself look the same or worse. To handle it in a way I can hold my had high as I walk away with NO REGRETS to take withme!
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/20/2009 5:45:37 PM
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ArticlePost
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Funny because my husband dances in an area so close to cheating that it scares me as to what is next. But i found out I was expecting along with that fact our vow was made before God and leaving got so complicated. The pain of thinking what could happens hurts just as bad as if he actually did something. But I never realized how common this type of thing was. I am a christian woman and I feel so bad because all i want to do in return is dance in the same area he does to let him see how it feels but i, scrared it will make matters worst. What is wrong with me that i feel like I can't just let go.
The wife of a Minister
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/22/2009 11:03:56 PM
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ArticlePost
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I see you are getting self confidence, good for you!!! Keep it & no matter what, do not let anybody take that away from you, cuz once again you are not the one with the problem here. How dumb is She? Hell-oooooo! Just watch her play the innocent victim here. She needs to stop and think IF she is going to be with your husband...(or so she thinks) that he "cheated" on you with her, therefore what is going to stop him from cheating on her if they ever got together? See where I'm going with this...And therefore your husband needs to consider that too! I know two people that did this and guess what their marriage didn't last very long. The potty mouth thing I would save for those "special" times with just you and him-hahaha! You know when he deserves it! Your mother-in-law is right hold your head high and act like a lady not the tramp that she is. How would she like it if the tables were turned on her, where she was the one being cheated on, bet she never thought about that! Where are these people's morals? I have been on my husband to get his name off of that *****'s lease, which I think is up in May? But he doesn't think he will be able to. I told him from a "women's point of view" that she is seeing it as that is her tie to him, she still has a tad bit of hold on him, and by him not even attempting to do anything about it shows her that she's one upping me. That made him think more about it cuz guys don't think the same way we do. Imagine that!!!! We have been doing real good lately, spending alot of time together and I'm real careful when I want to talk about "things" I know he will "hear me out" if I don't go off on him. We both are tired of arguing...why let her keep bringing us down. I want to think that she is realizing that she never will be a part of his life ever, but being the psycho-be-aach that she is I'm not turning my back on her just yet. My Mom always says "never under estimate the power of a women" and know I'm going to add " who's been scorned" to that. Self confidence is a very powerful tool to have...and by using it will show him that you are refusing to be "beaten down". Also a smile makes people wonder what you are up to! There are days where it is very hard to do either one of these but you sound pretty tough and without really knowing much about you I feel you can handle this to the best of your ability for yourself and kids. What doesn't break us down only makes us stronger-right! Keep a level-cool head and you'll have the situation by the b***s. Like I mentioned before "let go and let GOD take over" but that only works IF you completely let HIM take control. Whether you are religious or not it helps!!! I'm not saying by any means to give up on your husband or your own power, just that their is times when we are not completely in control of everything that happens to us...I hope I'm making sense here!! I really enjoy keeping in touch with you and really look forward to "my time" when we can vent to each other...cuz believe me it helps and knowing that I can help someone else even if it only lending an ear, really lightens my heart. Take care and hang in there...you are strong... don't ever forget that!
S L
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/25/2009 5:28:23 PM
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momof 3 sons
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Sorry I have been away for so long!! I ahve been working and not had much time, but anyway, I wish I had the answer to that one!!! This isn't the first time with me & mine!! This si #13!!!!!!!!!!! Over the years it has always been one thing or another, this one was just the worst one yet because it was his high school sweetheart!! Every time he makes up an excuse and I make up my own to turn on my blinders so I can keep my "happy NORMAL on the surface family" intact. So I have no answer for you because any other woman would have BEEN left and yet here I am still accepting it like always. I know I don't need him but I always have a reason for coming back or just staying. An example is we went to a concert together, was SUPPOSED to be something special for us and when I went to get us sodas he called his "friend" Sso SHE could hear the concert. Hummmmmmmm go fig?!?!?! As far as our mariage goes I am also one who believes you only do it once and that is the only human you touch from then on and betrayal is forbidden. So I don't do what would put me on his level because at the end of the day I can still look in the mirror and be alright. Further more that would take away our ammo!!!! ;o}  As to why cant we just let them go, when you find out PLEASE tell me so I can do it too!!!!!!!!!!! I think it is just our vowes mean more than the bedroom, and we hold them to a higher standard than the husbands do, and that is why we stay. The doubt they put in our heads of not DOING all we can to be good wives, makes us want to prove we are maybe?! DON'T ever lower yourself to seek justification!! We will be judged one day and you don't want to pay for your husbands sins then as well, dealing with them here is bad enough!!!! We cant take them to paradise too!!! Then he would win all around!!! We haeve to get peace one day, they can't take that too. That one is given to them and Im not giving up mine!!!! Neither should you!!! Anway, I hope I helped you just a fraction of what you have done for me!!!!! Until next time!!!!
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/25/2009 5:31:24 PM
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momof 3 sons
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HOPE
I dont even know where to begin!!!! you can read our stuff and see we are just as oblivious to how to handle this as you!!! All i can say is write it and wait for a reply, you will be surprised at how "THERAPUTIC" getting it out is!!! Good luck!! mom of 3 sons
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/27/2009 6:16:00 PM
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ArticlePost
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Wow, reading these comments is like recreating the last year of my life. Last spring my husband was supposed to be on a trip "alone" and arrived back early the next morning looking frazzled. I got the kids off to school and the confessions started. At first he said she (20 yr old) had seduced him and he couldn't resist so he was confessing it to me because she was going to call me and tell me everything, so of course he wanted to tell me first. He was on his knees and crying and begging my forgiveness. She was apparently blackmailing him and he was keepng her around so she wouldn't tell me. Of course I was very upset, I had no idea anything was going on. He looked so vulnerable, so I told him I would forgive him. Slowly over the course of a couple of weeks, he began confessing everything to me. He said he had been afraid to spill everything at once because he was afraid he would hurt me even more. I guess the hard part came when I received an email from her, a very long message expaining the apartment he had gotten for her, everything he had bought her (explained why we had no money), etc. Boy that hurt, this came about 6 weeks after the "break up" between them and I guess she realized she wanted him back and thought if she told me all this I would dump him. I didn't! Am I stupid ? Somehow, we are closer than ever before. Although I still struggle because I have told no one until now. I did not want any of my friends or family to know so I could protect him. I didn't even want his family to know because they all look up to him as the very successful one. He is a very prominent figure in the community and it would ruin him if anyone knew. I think mid life crisis was what got ahold of him. He needed someone younger to make him think that he still "had it going on." I admit that I was busy raising 3 kids and didn't dote on him as much as I did before the kids came along. But I don't think men should go looking for the affection somewhere else. I do not look as old as I am either, I take care of myself and have been told I look as good as most 30 year olds (I am much older than that). He looks good also. He takes care of himself and has women looking at him all the time. Now it makes me nervous. I am always checking the cell phone logs and his email to make sure everything is ok. So far he has been completely devoted to me. He wants to be with me 24/7. I truly think he would not know what to do if I left him. I am taking control again and warn him all the time that there will not be a next time, or he will be alone for good and I could easily ruin him professionally. I guess the truly hard part was knowing her age. She could easily have been his daughter. That just truly disgusts me. She grew up without a father and had a rough life and he took pity on her and gave her a job. I think she knew what she was doing the whole time, she figured she had found a sucker. Her personal sugar daddy to take care of her. I still have some trust issues. I'm not sure how long those will stick around, maybe forever. Well at least I feel better getting this all out. Is it a good idea to get some counseling ?
LouLou
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 3/28/2009 1:04:07 PM
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ArticlePost
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PLEASE ANSWER ME:I have a nineteen-year marriage when i caught my husband cheating, and its the time that he spill all the cheatings he have done ...13 women, but i guess the last is the one whom he was in love with. Sex is the issue, i refused so he found her. But when there was a time that i already given in to all his sexual cravings, why is it that he still prefer to go to the other woman by making alibis. Is it probably that he was in love?I ask him to leave after he was caught but never did....now i tried him to be guilty as much as i can, saying all those nasty things...i always hurt him verbally and sometimes physically just to get out of the pain.....
fe
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/2/2009 11:28:48 PM
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Winky and Shawnboy
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Hunny, why are still with this man if i may ask. If hurt you so bad, then why hunny. I know you probaly still love him, but look whats he's doing to you. Im sure it is not your fault, he was just an infaithful jerk. That proves that he wasnt ready for a relationship and he really dosent love you. Im pretty sure you can find someone out there, thats is better then him. Someone who will be with you, make you happy and love you for you. Sex isnt everything, a realationship cannot survive off sex....You need communication, a love connection and just love for each other. And i can see that it is not here, at least not from him. I would'nt even give him sex after what he's done. Hunny please try and get the will power and courage to leave and start over...find someone new. I wish you luck,you welcome to visit my page and talk to me k. Ttyl, k hun. Bless you sweety....welcome to talk to me anytime hun.
~Whitney H.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/3/2009 12:42:47 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have been reading all of the posts, looking through websites and not finding what I need. I have been married coming up on 10 years (together for 17), we have two children 6, 2 and on 3/18, my husband admitted to having an affair. I believe he only told me for two reasons: he felt really guilty and 2 she is pregnant. The whole thing is confusing b/c admittedly, I told him I wanted a divorce and took off my rings prior to him telling me, he hadn't been there in the evening to help with the household chores, kids, etc. and I felt alone and at my wits ends. A couple days later, he told me about the affair. He said he told me b/c he wants to work on us and felt really guilty and the reason why he was staying away is b/c of what he did and didn't know how to interally deal with it and couldn't face me(we have financial problems as well). The person who he had an affair with, he works with her and he is close with her and her family. He slept with her in September when we were having troubles then. He knew I didn't like her b/c I felt they were too close. She also has a family, kids, husband. THe initial shock I handled fairly well as I was concerned about both of our sets of children, and what he and she must be going through. She is due in June. She hasn't told her husband. They baby could be her and her husbands b/c they were trying to have another child. I don't know what to do. Since he has told me, I feel so close, we have had sex (no birth control) everyday since. I don't know what to do, I feel angry, have crying burst throughout the day and then feel so much love for him. She won't tell my husband when the baby is actually due date and when she had sex with her husband. I believe her due date is around our 10 year annivesary. She hasn't told her husband, but it will eventually have to come out. I want to talk with her to get her side, but I don't think that will do any good. I am just really confused and don't know what to do. Some say I don't need counseling, some say I do, my husband thinks we should ride this out together and see where it takes us. Of course he doesn't want a divorce. Help! Sometimes I think I want to wait and see if they baby is his and then make my decision. Am I being selfish, shoudl I give him a second chance? I'm sure my actions didn't help the situation.
Steph
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/5/2009 2:17:47 PM
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ArticlePost
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I was in a long term common law marriage. My partner cheated on me and I left him. He has a new girlfriend now and according to her is doing the same thing. I do think women have to be martyrs here. Draw a line in the sand and if you are being disrespected...leave. You need to stand up for all women when you do this. I have a thriving career and so I was not tied to him financially. It was my mom and dad who drumbed it into me when I was growing up to be financially independent...it has made all the difference in this case.
BK
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Printable Version
to be honest I just want to go out and get DRUNK one good time. I dont do anything except work and stay home always being the good wife. Shoot I never drink maybe once a year no exageration and yet I want to so bad now but I know that wont solve anytihng only make it worse. ALOT worse because I know where the other woman lives. PS FYI it was his high school sweetheart to make it even better!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am constantly fighting myself(re: the smileys me being humorous) over this situation. He is really sucking up right now. More than ever before. Either he is really regretful or he was a really bad boy!!!!! Then again I refuse to discuss the situation at all. i am not ready and I don't want to make any irrational decisions so when I am ready I will but not until. To be honest I am just soaking in all the rare attention from him. When that stops I'll talk then. I am really greatful for your words. You are right, I have no one here. I have my mother in law, she is the closest thing I have to a confidant, but after all she is HIS mom so I still have to be careful of what I say. Well I have to go for now my children will be home soon. Thanks for all!!!!! I'll be back with an update.
8-) Anyway again I am so appreciative to have you to "listen" o me and help me htrough all this MESS. Until next time............... Thank You
doing? havent heard from you in a while.
