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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/8/2009 3:19:39 PM
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diana637
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I've been with my partner for seven years now. We're not married but moved in together after a year together, and formed a family. We have two boys, 5 and 3. After being faithful and loyal to him year after year, he did the worst thing he could ever do. Well in a way I got double betrayed. You see I manage a business and it has locations throught San Diego. I had a part time job in the time as well( i thoight I would actually save money) and my coworker and I formed a basic friendship. After a couple of months I noticed she was troubled and helped her by recommending her and getting her a job at a different location where my hubby was employed. Usually I am a very jealous person but she was 12 years older, kids, and looked wasted by the harsh years of work. This was in November. In march of 08 I noticed a cold change in my hubby. He would tell me he was trying to get overtime and would stay an hour extra. I believed it. After investigating the circumstances, I found out not even 2 months after I got her the job she was screwing my hubby. Im 21, he's 25, was 24 and shes in her mid 30, looks like mid 40's. She denied it and still does. That she cares about me like "family" ha! I couldnt beleive the way he betrayed me. It seems like if she got a trill out of moking me. calling me on my bday and she was screwing him already. I didnt know if it happended, if it didnt, if it was about to until a month later. I put a voice recorder under the seat of his car. 3 days later as i was listening, yes you could guess what i had to hear.Yup my husband and that ****. Screwing. After leaving him , going back with him, arguments, etc. Its almost been a year. I still cant get over it. I cant look at him' the same way. I have hatred and sadness in side of me, and feel like a different person. JOy doesnt fill my heart anymore like it used to. I wish he would give me an "explanation" something. I drive my self to tears sometimes thinking about it. If you truly love someone, and dedicate yourself to that person, how could you dare betray them in such a hurtful manner. I dont know what to do to get out of my statr of depression. HELP!!!!!!!!!! ADVICE ANYONE?
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/14/2009 3:31:09 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband has been seeing the same woman for over 4 years. I caught him the first time two years ago. I demanded that he stop seeing here if he wanted to stay in our marriage of 28 years. He promised that he would, but 8 weeks ago I caught him with her again. I filed for divorce thinking that that would knock some since into his head. He says that he doesn't know what he wants so the divorce keeps going forward. He says with great regularity that he still loves me and misses me. I am miserable, any suggestions?
Ann
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/25/2009 6:04:03 AM
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ArticlePost
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I would like to join cheating husband support goups in the dallas texas area? Do anybody know of one???
dianna
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/25/2009 11:56:55 AM
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ArticlePost
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I don't think there is ever any excuse for either spouse to cheat. If one does, then the marriage is over. We are all human & makes mistakes, but this is one mistake that should not ever happen. When a couple marries & say their vows, well, that's what it is...a vow....a promise...to forsake all others. If a man cheats, there is no way to get back what was had before. How good could it have been if he stays? And how could a wife want to keep a man who did that to her & her marriage? A lot of women do, but what are the real reasons they stay? Because it's the easy thing to do & more economical! No divorce, no embarrassment, no losing anything, except their self respect. It boils down to fear of being alone & fear of having to make your own living & your own life. The truly strong women are the ones who do leave or make him leave. Anything else is just capitulation. Some women don't care. They just don't want to lose what they have. I know of a couple where the man cheated on his wife for over 6 yrs with a woman he pursued at work. It was all him wanting this other woman. She did not accept his advances for months & months, & when she did, she thought he was serious about her. The wife found out & immediately got him into counseling. He stayed with the wife, but did not stop with the other woman, who was very much in love with him. He said later about the counseling...there's counseling & then there's reality. The wife found out a 2nd time that the relationship never ended & she laughed. Now what does that tell you? He ended up staying with the wife & the other woman had her heart broken. And for what? It was all about the money & I think control. He turned out to be a pretty weak man. And both did not want to lose what they had accumulated over the years. What right did he have to do this? And in a snense, get rewarded for what he did? He ruined the life of another person. Why? Because he was selfish & was not getting what he needed at home so looked elsewhere. But money turned out to be his god & he stayed where the money was. I thik the real reason woman keep these cheatingf men, again, is because they don't want to give up the security that one gets with 2 incomes & investments & forget that the marriage vows were broken. The trust is gone, but who cares? They get to keep the house, cars & everything else. I feel sorry for the women who are not strongenough to stand up for what is right & throw the bum to the curb!!!!!!!
beenthere
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 4/26/2009 6:15:48 PM
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glitterstone
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Diana, my heart goes out to you and all who put up with cheating husbands or sig. others. I have not had good men in my life and I am old enough to be your grandmother. This is my advice. You are 21. You have a job. Your life is hopefully ahead of you and you will get over this if you leave and stop dwelling on it. I divorced my first husband after 6 years, no regret. My 2nd one made me a widow after many years but I wasn't happy. He was overbearing and not a good father to my children. Then I met a church goer who was only going to church to meet women. He's a life cheater who is 6 years younger than I am. I'm too old to start over, pure and simple, but he may leave or I may toss him out someday.
Your youth is why I say don't stay and hang on to a lost cause. It's better to be alone with your children than to stay and make all miserable for a man who isn't going to change. They do what they do because they can get by with it.
They aren't going to change, especially if it happens more than once.
Why should we become detectives to find out what they are doing only to stay and keep being miserable.? I say this because I have also used a device too, checked mileage, etc. and it doesn't help other than to be more unhappy.
I found out if I ignored him and did my own thing, life was better.
Get some friends, go out and have fun. It's ok to be alone at times too.
Out of experience I have to say men will lie, cheat, and tell you they love you when they only love themselves. It's sad the world is full of them, but true.
I have to accept the one I have as is, and if I want to go out and stay half the night, he doesn't say anything. It's my house and he can't kick me out. We do go places together sometimes but his actions show no love.
I used to check his cell phone bill. That's no good. The men at work will borrow someone else's phone and make a call. And if you think they go straight to work and back, think again. Some go to a woman's house before going to work for a quickie, or hit on the cashiers where they stop along the way. Mine finds new places to look, like a donut shop or new food mart, or a grocery. Mine used to hide his pager in his shoe in the trunk of his car back before cells were here. His phone bills were $150 a long time ago when we were dating. I once crawled in his window and took his phone home with me so he couldn't use it that day. I was out of control and I could not change a thing. This was before he came to live with me. He's been a swinger with his first wife, and cheated on every woman he ever lived with or married to. Said he didn't want to be joined at the hip but wanted to share his life. When you become a mother figure or a landlady somethings wrong.
When you are out of sight out of mind as they drive down the road and trust flies out the window, you have a lifetime of worry, and misery if you stay. I know because I have been there and it's not going to change for me.
Please don't stay until you are old like me and feel you have no other alternative.
My best to you. I send respect where you get none. I send love when you feel none. May your life be better and remember if no one gives you flowers, sometimes you have to plant your own garden. Sometimes you have to start over.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 5/15/2009 2:52:02 PM
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ArticlePost
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I found out my husband cheated about 15 months ago.He said it was nothing and it was over,then months would pass and I found cards,and then a cell phone that he used to call her.I can not get over this everyday I am looking for something! I made him move out for 5 months but he is back now,and I do not think I can ever trust him again.When they have lied for 15 months can you move past this and really trust them again? Am I crazy for not leaving him.Pam
pam
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 5/21/2009 4:02:14 PM
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ArticlePost
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I've read a lot of articles and comments on this subject,but the first time I'm jumping in the pool. I confirmed my husbands infidelity about a year ago, just before our 20th anniversary, in fact today is my 21st anniversary and I'm still undecided on what to do. Once he admitted what I already knew, he immediately broke it off. At least that is what he told me, but since I've lost all trust in him I don't know what to believe anymore. He tells me several times a day that he loves me, but I can't bring myself to say it back because I don't know if I do. I took off my wedding ring because it was supposed to be a sign of his fidelity. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this because as someone else said, once it's out there,you can't take it back and everyone will have an opinion. My family thinks he's great and it would really destroy his family and a part of me still wants to protect him. he just called to say he was on his way so I'll put this aside right now. I'd love to hear your comments and will check back.
still not sure
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 5/23/2009 1:51:15 PM
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Ishcaboo
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LouLou, your husband's conduct reminds me of my own some years ago, except there was no threat of blackmail. I often read about of the advice so freely offered to family problems and I wish the recipients would realize it is worth just about what they pay for. Family problems rarely follow set patterns, rending set patterned answer/solutions useless.
I think I lived a life similar to what your husband brought into your family. Mine happened nearly20 years ago. There are few, if any, perfect marriages. I know it is difficult for the family, especially the spouse. A now deceased advise collumnist once said a victimized spouse must his/herself, after considered all aspect of the marriage relationship, whether she/he would be better off being with the unfaithful spouse, who wants forgiveness, or without her/him. I think this is good solid advice if the offender truly wants to changed the behavior. Bless you!
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 5/23/2009 9:23:21 PM
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ArticlePost
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I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 32YEARS.i find out before the actually dating that he slept with my younger sister that wsnt hard for anyone that i liked for her to do that to me. Then just a couple of month ago i find out thart while i was at work he drove himself to my mother some 30 miles away and got drunk with them my husand said that my mother told him to take her own home and have sex with her since i was working.He does remember her driving him because he was too drunk and then he takes her to a motel,this hurts so bad i done what to have sex with him after he has had my sister and who knows maybe even my mom.why would he do that and why did my mom suggest it? His parents would have never wanted me to do that to there son and i woulden do that to one of his family members espectial his brother.
DOTTIE
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/1/2009 9:42:17 PM
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ArticlePost
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Advice - my hubby cheated on my 20 yrs ago, I was pregnant, lost a lot of weight during the preganacy. They worked together - he ended it but she wouldn't stop calling and even showed up on my door step. He had to quit his job and we moved a 1000 miles away. He has recently gotten a facebook account and gues who he found on it? yep and he's been calling her. I found out told him to move out that I would not go thru it again and he could take his whore and go. He said it wasn't what I was thinking etc. He hasn't contacted her since and has been wonderful. Of course I'm very good at spying and yes everything I found I have a copy of - too bad he's so stupid to leave his email logged in. So far I have found nothing else so I need advice - should I stay with him? I have no trust at this point. He has disabled his facebook account but he works nites so he could be reactivating it while I'm sleeping and/or calling her. Yes I am filled with rage and I hate her - my wish for her is that she finds someone she loves more than anything and he cheats on her. Sorry it's how I feel right now. If she shows up on my door step I will beat the Sh#t out of her. She lost him 20 years ago why would she go back down that road?
Lilly
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/9/2009 1:16:47 PM
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Ishcaboo
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Lilly,I know it must be difficult but it is possible that your husband is seeing the value of have hou in his life and has finally realizes that there is no future with that broad of so many years. My wife allowed me to contact my high school girl friend. The girl friend and I did not have sex as teenagers, however 3 years after high school we had sex and again about 25 years later. All of this was before I met my wife. Mu old girl friend and I write to each other. I told me wife about the relationship I had with my childhood girl friend and the later contacts. I allow her to read our e-mail letters and I have promised her that i would never meet her under any circumstance. I have kept my promise because being with my wife is the most important relationship I can imagine. Perhaps you husband feel the same. I think if I were in a similar situation, I'd try it at least one more time. Maybe this is what he needs. Of course I don't know and maybe you don't either. But it may be worth a try. Bless you and your family.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/11/2009 5:59:02 PM
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KC
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OMG ... I don't know where to begin. I found out my husband of 12-yrs. has cheated on me. We have been together for a total of 16-yrs. He's 42 and I'm 48. I found out April of this year. I feel he may do this again. It was on a business trip last September. We even talked about divorce if he cheated. For the longest time I thought I didn't love him anymore. We have been at odds for over 4-yrs. Alot of arguments, but mostly silence. Before I found out about the one-night stand, we both agreed to go to marriage counceling, because we were not getting along. Then a few days after making the appt. for marriage counceling, is when I found out. We decided that we wouldn't bring that up, at least not right away. After all, that wasn't what we were going for counceling for in the first **** place! Yes, I'm just a little ANGRY !!! Of course who wouldn't be right ? We were suppose to try to save our marriage. And now I felt I had to deal with this other recent issue without saying anything to the marriage counceler. I figured if we started off talking about the cheating, then we weren't going to discuss the orginal reason why we decided to go there in the first place. Now we have two issues to deal with. I feel that our first issue was in part why the second issue happened. There is so much more to tell, but I got to go for now.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/14/2009 7:10:33 PM
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ChristineB
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It's never easy. I would say be open and honest with your counselor though. Don't worry about what you should say, just unload ...no holds barred. Release that anger or it will turn inward and you'll end up with health issues. (take that one from me...I am an expert an holding in anger)
I would say, if you can, continue with counseling and be honest with yourself. The pain will eventually heal and you will likely see things differently. time, though, it will take time and lots of patience...but the healing will begin, if you let it..
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 6/22/2009 10:17:43 PM
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ArticlePost
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I'm 25 i have been married to my husband for 5 years. For the past 3 and a half years he has on and off cheated on me. A little over a year ago when I had found out he was cheating again it took a terrible spin that I never thought would happen to me. I found out he was cheating and he told me he loved her and me and that he didn't know who he wanted to be with. We have two children together and at the time my daughter was 4 and my son was 1. I was devastated i felt like my world had been shattered. I fasted and prayed for God to give me an answer. God told me to stay. Two months later he tells me that she is pregnant with a baby that I knew they had been planning. She thought it was a way for her to be on equal ground for me and i guess he ran out of excuses to not give her a child since he loved her. It was very difficult, but somehow even though he was still cheating our love grew. A month into her pregnancy he realizes the huge mistake he made in involving himself with a woman who basically used everything she knew he liked about me and claimed she could become the new improved me. Bigger breasts, more sex appeal, nicer figure. He viewed me as damaged goods because of the hurt he caused me, and started to believe i was better off moving on, but somehow he still couldnt let go. He started lying to her about us, like i was the other woman. He began to plan for when he was going to feel safe enough to end it with her. They would argue and she would theaten to abort the baby so he stayed. He felt trapped, but knew it was his own fault. A month after she gave birth to the baby he came to church with me and recieved the holy ghost, speaking in tongues as the spirit of God gave utterance. I was in shock. He ended his affair, but i knew his struggle wasnt over. He fought her for two months to be able to see his daughter but she would either give him little time like 15 minutes or none at all. She began to bait him with having what he wanted with his daugheter in exchange for the old relationship back. Eventually his love for his daughter and his longing to be apart of his life brought him back to her. So he is cheating again and he says he is trying to wait out the custody hearings as well as trying to convince her to come to an agreement. She of course now believes that they have a future again and he lets her think this so that he can get on her good side gain her trust and get a significant amount of custody to bring his daughter with him without her mother being there. I dont agree with his actions I never did, sin has consequences that reach far into out futures. I am holding on by the grace of God and i know he is working it out.
Saved and Santified
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/2/2009 3:48:54 AM
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ArticlePost
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When I found out that my husband was cheating, like Wendi, I suffered from post traumatic stress. It felt like my husband had died. In a way the husband I knew did die on that day 4 years ago. Today, I am in a fairly good place, I have good days and bad days and the good days are getting more and more. It took me a while to make a decision about what I wanted to do and I took the advice of many good people who kindly answered my call for help on various forums, and started to invest in myself. I needed to be strong both physically and mentally, so I started going to the gym, ate good food and socialised more with friends and relatives. I joined a political party and put my name forward as a candidate to serve on our local council. Suddenly I was involved with canvassing, people were constantly on the phone to me. In other words I kept myself busy. All the time I was hurting inside real bad, but I didn't show my husband that I was clingy or needy. He knew how much he had hurt me, and I told him that I loved him and cared for him, but I think he understood that despite that I would survive without him. I wasn't quite sure of that myself though, but everyday I told myself that I was the most important person here so I owed it to myself to carry on. What if God forbid he had really died? Wouldn't I have to cope without him anyway?I think he was very imbarassed about it all, he hadn't expected to be found out. I spoke to the other woman and she told me that he hadn't promised her anything and that he refused to speak about our marriage to her. She told me that their relationship wasn't really about sex. I think he went there because she allowed him to, because she had set her sight on him and because perhaps she made him feel different to me. They worked together so it was easy for him to carry on with her.What have I learned out of this? I have learned that I was not playing the game properly, that I had no idea about who this man really was and had to set about finding out how to talk to him. I found out that he was not as strong as he made out and that he needed a lot of admiration and praise. I found out that he needs to feel in charge of everything and that I mustn't challenge him. I found out that he likes to be cuddled and to have his feet massaged. In turn, he has stopped being so hard on me and has almost stopped criticising me. He has started to value me more and to encourage me. When I come home if he is already there, he will come to the door to greet me and ask me how my day was. I do the same to him. Life is not perfect, because there are days when I question him motives. I don't think I'll ever forget what happened. In a way I am it has put my life on a different dimension. I am more in charge of my life and emotions. I have kind of got to know myself better and to rely on myself more. I like it this way.
Angie
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/5/2009 7:33:39 PM
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ArticlePost
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Is txt messaging dirty talk to other girls with his mobile phone while your sitting in the same room as your husband is that classed as cheating and would he go further
Em
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/7/2009 12:00:05 AM
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ArticlePost
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i been married for 18 years and for 18 years my husband has cheated on me and lied to me i would say 11mo out of 12 he has. i got a divorce but he still stays here and yes he is still doing the same old thing. i cant seem to let him go the only reason i can think of why i cant is cause he the first man to ever make me come and that has only happen about 5 times in 18 years i wish i could just tell him to get out and stay out and he is HIV+i wish some one could help me. think you
mary O
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/18/2009 5:09:16 PM
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skitxo
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i am 24 years old.and i have been married 3 years i have a 18 months old son.my husband is a alcoholic.i suspected him of cheating coz he was never around and come home late at night drunk.he always denied it and use to beat me a lot.earlier this year we went to a vacation he planes it saying it was for my birthday.we stayed in a posh hotel and in the next room a freind of both of us stayed.my husband made a excuse saying he needed to talkk to his freind and took $100 from me.i thought he must me planing a surprise party for me.he was gone for about an hour and my baby also was sleeping.i was curios to knw what was happening in the other room. got suspicios and was infronot of that room for few minutes and guess what i saw."my husband with a prostitiute".he deies everything.i saw him giving money even i saw the used condoms everything.when i started to confront he beated me and drag me infront of hotel staffs.that night he told me to kill my self.to his day he never even accepted here was a women with him.he told me i am mad.hellucinating those things.later i found out that he and his friend rented an apartment for drinking and sex.they bring prostitutes. he hasnt changed and treats me really bad.he ruined my birthday for ever.almost every week i fin something about him and he always says i dont even look at other girls.some nights after our arguments he would beat me and then will spit and pee on me.he then always says how ugly i am and now other man would even touch me... i have no self esteem now.and i am afraid.if get a chance i would make him suffer like i am suffering
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Printable Version
<------- see!!! lol Until next time!! May we all stay sane!!!!
none of us KNOW!!! we all want the same thing i think!!! we hate them for hurting us, we want to make it work because for some UNKNOWN reason all we want from them is the love returned that we have so willingly gave!! I don't think we will gwt it!! I am still trying to recover from what mine has done. since my last post ......... ready????????????
I WALKED IN A BAR & SEEN HIM WITH THE OTHER WOMAN!!!!!!!!! I had gotten off work early and he wasn't home when i got there and wasn't in a hurry to get there!!! The last time I called him he said he "couldn't" talk because it was to noisy where he was at.... I waited another hour and fell asleep waiting andwoke up @ 1am out of a dead sleep ..... still no hubby??????? so i called again only htis time NO ANSWER!! so i got in my car and went to where he was SUPPOSED to be and guess what still NO HUBBY. heres the kicker i had no idea where to go b/c i'm not a bar goer and i went to a hole in the wall off the beaten path joint that noone would have ever thought of. I have no clue why I went there to begin with, my heart just took me there. go figure!!!!! anyway, when i walked in and seen the 2 of them i FLIPPED out!!
i am NORMALY very mild tempered but i lost it!! all i ill say on that note is the whole side of her face i could get to at the time was BLACK!!!! I do NOT recomend this, i felt like crap afterwards but it DID feel good at the time. but the moral is he still swears it was a buisness thing and i overreacted!!! he STILL calls her to discuss buisness on her PERSONAL cell phone none the less!!!! so it never stops reguardless.
he BEGGED me to stay when i was leaving but nothing has changed and i am STILL here. every time i think i am done i find another excuse to stay. oh in case you dont know this tramp i am speaking of is also his HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART!!! so if any of you have the CURE for being the hopeless wife let ME know!!!
