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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/18/2009 5:10:25 PM
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skitxo
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yeah its easy to say leave but very hard to do
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/21/2009 10:16:33 PM
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ArticlePost
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Found out my husband cheated on me three years ago we will be married 10 years. I can't get the images out of my head I am still with him he tells me it will never happen again it was a mistake. He felt that I wasn't attracted to him anymore. I was going to school at the time which was very stressful also taking care of a house for us he did not help out at home one bit now he tells me he should of done more. I want to believe him he was my hero my God and I don't look at him the same way. When I found out I got so sick I was devistated his intentions were not to hurt me. He was sexual with this other woman who happen to be 20 years older then him and fat no less he said he didn't have any physical attraction to this other person he thought the sex would make him feel better, the first time he felt sick after and then 8 months later he meets her for a quicky and told me that after that time he was never going to meet her again cause he felt awkward cause it wasn't me and it was sleezy and there was no emotions, she wanted more of course she wanted dates etc. He told her no he couldn't do that. Well three months after he was with her I found out I was PG. He continued to talk to her and share things with her after our son was born he made arrangements to meet her he never showed up! I guess it was guilt I saw all the emails to her things he said to her were very hurtful he said he lied to her so she would say something nice to him. My husband has low self esteem and I don't know if I can trust him again. We have a son who will be two I never wanted a screwed up life for him and I feel my husband didn't think he thought of himself. I am in therapy and it helps we didn't tell our families because I'm embarrassed and so upset at times I just want to leave, but I don't want to leave and then say why didn't I stay, but I was promised it would never happen again. I don't know what to do!
Hurt
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/21/2009 11:18:14 PM
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ArticlePost
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Found out my husband cheated on me three years ago we will be married 10 years. I can't get the images out of my head I am still with him he tells me it will never happen again it was a mistake. He felt that I wasn't attracted to him anymore. I was going to school at the time which was very stressful also taking care of a house for us he did not help out at home one bit now he tells me he should of done more. I want to believe him he was my hero my God and I don't look at him the same way. When I found out I got so sick I was devistated his intentions were not to hurt me. He was sexual with this other woman who happen to be 20 years older then him and fat no less he said he didn't have any physical attraction to this other person he thought the sex would make him feel better, the first time he felt sick after and then 8 months later he meets her for a quicky and told me that after that time he was never going to meet her again cause he felt awkward cause it wasn't me and it was sleezy and there was no emotions, she wanted more of course she wanted dates etc. He told her no he couldn't do that. Well three months after he was with her I found out I was PG. He continued to talk to her and share things with her after our son was born he made arrangements to meet her he never showed up! I guess it was guilt I saw all the emails to her things he said to her were very hurtful he said he lied to her so she would say something nice to him. My husband has low self esteem and I don't know if I can trust him again. We have a son who will be two I never wanted a screwed up life for him and I feel my husband didn't think he thought of himself. I am in therapy and it helps we didn't tell our families because I'm embarrassed and so upset at times I just want to leave, but I don't want to leave and then say why didn't I stay, but I was promised it would never happen again. I don't know what to do! I would love to talk with someone in similar situation cause Im so scared.
Hurt
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/27/2009 5:35:23 AM
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ArticlePost
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It's been 6 six years since my husband cheated on me.I made the most unpopular decision of staying. We were married for 17 years and had 4 children. Well I see now it is sometimes easier to leave than to stay. But if you do decide to stay. Be strong, you not only have to work on your marriage but there is the constant judgement of friends and relatives. I had to deal with the "if I were you".All the things that people who don't have a clue of what you are going through say. But I made the decision that was best for me my husband and kids. And by the way some of the women who said I would leave,didn't take their own advice when it happened to them! I stayed because I loved him and I believed he truly loved me. And was sorry and not because he was caught. There is a difference. At first I wanted to know the details, everything. But I became more concerned with why. Why did this happen, I wanted to know this so that this wouldn't happen again. Believe me you don't want to know all the details. We didn't go to counseling but we did talk alot. There was alot of talking, fighting, crying, I hated and loved him at the same time. But he owned up to what he'd done. I know that was hard for him, but it helped.He didn't think of it as a simple oops.It took me a long time to truly forgive and I prayed every night to let my heart heal and forgive.It was hard to work it out but I can easily say it was worth it. Things aren't the same really. Not to say they aren't good. But in the back of my mind I'm always on the look out for those signs of cheating. But the reality is no man or woman is perfect therefore there is no perfect marriage. We all have faults and I accepted the fact the man i saw as perfect really wasn't and he cheated on me. I also realized there are alot of people that have gone through and will go through a cheating husband. And I chose to stay in my marriage,staying isn't right for everyone. It was for me.
Sandra
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 7/29/2009 10:50:44 AM
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ArticlePost
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My husband cheated 3 yrs. ago.. told me it was over. I found out he has been in communication with her for the past 2.5 yrs. I don't understand why I have passified this relationship thinking it was over. Just recently I have found myself bitter and angry. Why now am I outraged... what took so long? I don't know if I can ever put this betrayal behind me.
micha
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 8/4/2009 10:36:39 PM
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ArticlePost
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Wow! I have been sitting here reading these comments. I am at a point in my confusion that I just couldn't sit here another day without trying to find out if there were any other women out there that this has happened to. It is amazing how much this seems to go on. I have been in my relationship for 23 years with 3 sons. I totally identify with most of the stories that I have read. It really hurts to be cheated on when you are the wife and you know for a fact that you have been the perfect sitcom, beaver-cleaver wife as well as the sexy vixen in the bedroom and etc. By making sure that there is nothing I cannot try and accomplish what I set out to do with him, home, and the kids I thought that I would never run my husband to anyone else, and established a perfect best friend for life relationship. I agree that women know when something is wrong even when it is almost undetectible, but you feel it in your gut; and this was a man who I know, have studied him, and totally trusted because mostly of the things he stands for and how he raised our sons.I truely feel all of your pain. However, what do you do when you get a phone call from the police department during what is supposed to be his 30 minute lunch break during work hours and he's been arrested for soliciting a prostitute!!!
Still In Shock
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 8/11/2009 8:12:04 AM
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ArticlePost
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Wow, this is tough stuff. I have suspected strongly my husband's unfaithfulness for many of our 36 years. SUSPECTED. No proof. But we've also had separations where he COULD choose to go on his way with someone else or lots of someone else's. The interesting part is that given the choice to stay away and divorce, he's always wanted to be back in relationship. He doesn't "cheat" when we AREN'T together but stays in depression and a downward spiral of self destruction. He also spent years as an active alcoholic, and since, years as being heavily into pornography as well. (I have known about these and tried to help him) These are not the behaviors of a happy man, but a very troubled man. He has been a church goer, Bible reader (read every night for at least 5 years!), successful businessman, 2 great kids (grown). But he never really got it and I think the same is true for most other men. They have very poor self esteem for THEMSELVES way inside where their "little" person resides and use these things to INCREASE temporarily feeling good in themselves. They also use this as a means of shrinking their women's (wives but also the consorts) self image and respect. It is important to them to keep women feeling lousy about themselves and always off balance. It is necessary to them to always keep the woman feeling it is her;something she does or doesn't do, how she looks, how she has no right to thoughts and opinions of her own, etc. They are angry when she produces good things on her own.In other words, because he really thinks so poorly on some level of himself, he has to transfer that to her. She can never be "more", to him in his mind, he has to be the top dog. It is not about sex..sex is available at home usually and all sorts of other wonderful things. But he can't really stay close to a woman because, on some level, that is scarey to him. Usually, if I had to make a guess, something went wrong in childhood that does not let him truly bond to a woman as God intended. Many men, particularly those who make bad choices, also see their wives (as someone else commented) as the new Mom, especially after children; she becomes sexless in a way even though he still wants sex with her, she has changed in his mind. In his mind I would guess (how does anyone know but them), he expects he NOT to BE herself, but to be his wife. Usually this means his caregiver. His needs, he selfishly thinks, should supersede his. Women, we are not off the hook here - we do the same in reverse. He is there, not to be himself, but to be our provider, protector, etc. We both have naive and selfish intent coming into marriage UNLESS we seek God first and let him put this marriage together right. We must first be put together right separately. We need to get right with God and understand our lives are about building our character, who we really want to be. Would most people say "I want to fail at marriage, I want to be a lousy selfish person, I want to be an alcoholic, I want to be a cheater? I don't think most of us would like to see ourselves in that light. Wasting our lives, hurting others. Marriages that can mend are the ones that find a way to God together and separately. Note I didn't say church or religion..I said God. God is the maker and protector of each of us separately and together. We can never follow each other around, constantly checking on each other's behaviors. God can. God goes with us into every place, every thing. But a person has to truly WANT GOD to be there, not stuck on like a bandage to be removed when sex shows up on the scene, or some other temptation,but INSIDE, where the Holy Spirit truly resides. God calls us to character, to moral rightness, NOT for our spouses, but for our God, for ourselves, for a life well lived and founded on true pride in what we have offered God and the world to better it. No wife or husband will ever make a faithful spouse. Only God can do that. God calls us to righteousness and we have to want it. The rest of our choices come out of that committment. It is sad to me that more men and women do not realize that. Everyone thinks it is about sex. It is never about sex. Sex has been with us since the beginning. It has always been allowed to be something cheap because we do not understand God's value system. Like many things in the world, we settle for the cheapness of things and not for things with higher value. The truly heartbreaking part of all this is that we settle for so much less than God has for us. We don't understand the depth of love and shared hearts in our chasing after cheap, short term thrills meant to deaden our pain. Our pain of lives lived in smallness and insecurity and inferiority, all masked under false machismo and casual sex, shopping sprees, trash novels and movies. When will we wake up to all God has in store for us. My husband's many, many episodes of unfaithfulness, not just to me but to his creator, have been finally revealed into the light. My biggest feeling is relief. relief that the truth is finally there between us. The truth is with God but also shared with another human being. I still love this man dearly. He is a child of God. God created him to be "in him". Satan did NOT create my husband, and I pray he will not get to keep him. And I don't know yet the ending to our story. Will we be able to get past the pain..to both of us? Will I ever trust him again? I can trust God. I can trust my husband IN GOD. But will he turn to God and stay the course? Will he choose to be a man God truly created him to be? Time and God know. I do not. God is giving him a chance. He has brought him out of darkness into the light of truth. See, the unfaithful to God and others, HIDE themselves. They live in shame, even as they pretend not to. They are willful and care nothing for anyone but themselves. They are their own first priority. But can they honestly say this brings them joy, happiness, pride in themselves I don't think so. They have to just keep adding more quick fixes, more affairs, more garbage to their lives in an attempt not to have to look at themselves. Why do they trash the very ones they say they love...they can not stand the inner sight of themselves. The Holy Spirit revealed the sins of my husband to me and brought him to confession after 36 years. You know why? Because even one small part of my husband had decided he wanted God..truly wanted God, to save him. And on that tiny flicker of seeking God, God chose to help him set himself free. He hadn't been living in freedom. He lived in self, in bondage to the next sinful thing he would do. He couldn't bring himself to confession but God could through the Holy Spirit. Not a Holy Spirit who sits dead among the words in the Bible, but a Holy Spirit who is ALIVE and working in my heart, and anyone else's who is willing to ask. This Holy Spirit broke my voice loose in the speaking of tongues, words of knowledge, kindness in listening to my husband's confessions brought about by the breaking of his bondage of lies and deceit(quietly listening, lovingly listening with God's help even as my fleshly person wanted to scream my outrage and hurt); the Holy Spirit who is a cleanser of the evil in my home. That is the God I choose to serve. Will forgiveness come? You bet it will. Because God forgives me. Because I will choose not to live my life in bitterness and defeat. Will we stay together? Only God knows that at this point. But replace your outrage and hurt with the love of God, Jesus (our holy redeemer), and the Holy Spirit (who can walk with you and in you every day). Find a faith based church filled with the gifts of the spirit. If you aren't getting a change of heart, try a different church. But SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD and all else will be given to you! God bless you all in your hurting hearts as your seek renewal in your l
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 8/22/2009 5:26:00 PM
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lethimgo
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I've been married 23 years. I knew my husband cheated when my son was only 7 mos.
old. and again at 3 yrs. I tried to keep things glued together for a long time. There have been others but I guess I just chose to ride out the storm. It takes a toll on you. I had trouble sleeping, he suggested that I ask the Dr for ambien. After him badgering me to do this for almost 2 yrs. I did. He raped me while out on ambien. He had a girlfriend I wasn't even aware of. She gave him his own cell phone, and now he squarely places the blame of his 19 year old son's anger on me. He has said I ruined his life. I filed for divorce 15 years to late. Don't hang on in the hope it will change. You cannot change a tiger's stripes. If he cheats, He thinks he can do it again. I sacrificed a hell of alot of joy in the name of glue. I believe my son has known for a long time what kind of man his dad is, and it has given him a glimpse of the man he doesn't want to be.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 8/30/2009 2:40:27 PM
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ArticlePost
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I really wanna recommned my b-friend's dovorcement for his wife's life. he has wife but.. he is afraid of his 13, 11 years old kids's stress - his wife is fired a years ago and no carrier and just doing somthing like as his secretary( booking, parking lot arrangement when he is going to travel, documentation arrangement, paying or order somthing he wants). she knows he is cheating with me well. but.. she is still staying with him becuase he need to her help( he is very busy guy and also he has girl friend!). I think also she need his money and don't wanna loose her family. I'm OK with my b-friend. he is cool and always sweet to me. I have no problem. I will leave him someday when i meet a right guy. but.. just curious why she decided so painful life and probably she is praying for her family.also. even my b-friend had physical abuse her- but still she is staying with him.I can't understand why she decided to live like that way.
beatrice
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/4/2009 4:16:18 PM
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ArticlePost
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Ladies, My husband also cheated on me, but I have taken the teen answer for this mess (not very mature, but I know I'm messing with his mind and that makes me feel better). Prank calls to him when I know the other woman is off with dirty moans, so he thinks is her ( of course if he calls me I,m at work very busy, so obiously it's not mee). He is blaming the ow of pranking him and I'm loving it.
alsoamess
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/15/2009 2:08:25 PM
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ArticlePost
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i was married 31 yrs finding my husband was cheating on me with his old school girlfriend. I found out by accident reading his messages and finding her pictures all over his laptop. I also found a fully charged secret 2nd cell phone with her number all over it back and forth. I am staying in the marriage for the time being because of financial situation and to see where this marriage goes. He wants to stay married. After 1 1/2 yrs of finding out about the affair i still have a hard time of just being in his company. He is a habitual liar. I have been concentrating on myself, spending great amount of money on myself and just basically putting myself first now as well as seeing a counselor once a week now for almost a yr., the best money spent. Women did you know that if your husband inherits wealth after he is married to you that you are not intitled to absolutely none of it. True Fact
caitlin
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/20/2009 4:15:30 PM
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ArticlePost
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mt husband cheated when i was 6 months pregnant (and we were married just 8 weeks) and was with her again after i had our daughter - i just found out a month ago!!!! I am an emotional wreck - last night i spit in his face!!!
Hurt
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/22/2009 3:58:32 PM
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ArticlePost
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After 6 years of dating and 21 years of marriage, I found out my husband has been cheating with a co-worker for over a year. He made me quit my job when we had kids, so I have no career, no income and am stuck. He has no intention of ending his affair, but he'll put up a good front to keep the children happy until they are in High School. If I "out" him, he will pick up and leave, leaving me with 3 kids (one with special needs) and next to nothing. So, I am stuck. I am trapped. Thanks to his controlling ways, I have few friends, and no one to talk to. I am a Catholic, so going out and cheating on him, isn't an option. Unfortunately, I still love him. The stress, anxioty, and fear are overwhelming.
EB
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/24/2009 1:06:43 PM
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ArticlePost
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We'll I'm a 29 year old wife. I feel stuck in this marriage my husband cheated on me twice that I know of and I couldn't believe it I feel like I'm the total package I work, Good looking,Caring, sensitive women with goals we have two beauitul kids that I know he loves dearly but I guess it wasn't good enough. I've prayed, I've cried, I've fought, and I still dont feel better its been almost 3 years and I just want to give up on this marriage. I just want to be love the way I love and I dont feel that it's with my husband. Just me saying "HUSBAND" hurts. When will it end??
Tiff
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/25/2009 12:09:26 AM
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ArticlePost
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I would just like to say to all the woman out there that is being cheated on by their husbands!I am seeing a guy that is married, he has been married for 10 yrs now, and has been with his wife for a total of 18 yrs. we have been seeing each other for almost 2 yrs now, we see each other 3-5 times a week and we talk daily!! He tells me he is in love with me, and says He is not in love with her, and has never been in love with her, he married her b/cuz of the kids. She recently found out about us this summer, and she took it very hard. He told her he broke everything off with me, which he didn't!! He tells me he's still very much in love with me, and wants a life with me, and he will be leaving her soon!! Why do men contine to cheat, after they have been found out???? They have that comfort zone already at home, and when they're cheating and their wife does nothing about the cheating they know they can continue on with what they are doing!! It is also b/cuz they tell the wives everything "she" wants to hear, she wants to believe that it wont happen again, and if the wife starts prying, or asking questions, then she is threatened by him "I can't live like this, I made a mistake, I'm sorry, It only happened once or whatever, it just happened, I do love you, I just had alot of stuff going on, I felt I couldn't talk to you", or whatever else excuses the cheating husband gives!! What's sad is that the wives that was cheated on, they believe the lies!! I use to feel sorry for his wife, about what me and him were doing, but now that she has found out, and she has had ample opportunity to find us out again, and chooses not too, it is now her own stupidity that is allowing him to continue to cheat!! She tells him... I cant live without you, and all other kinds of bs, and that ONLY lets him know that he can continue with what he's doin!! His wife continues to ask him, are you still seeing her, and she wants the truth from him, and he tells her NO! What would she do if she really did know the truth?? Nothing!!! He wont tell her the truth, b/cuz he doesn't want to hurt her, but isn't what he is still doing and have done hurting her??!! He is going to leave (sooner or later), but will make it out to her like its her fault that he's leaving!! Will I continue to stay with him if he does not leave??? (and yes, there has been a time frame set) Absolutely NOT I will not stay, I will break everything off in a heartbeat!!! Now I have a question for all the wives that has been cheated on..... Would you want the full truth of the affair??? If you had the truth what would you do with it???It is a no win situation for the wives being cheated on, b/cuz if you show your emotions about the affair and always ask questions and continue to accuse the cheating husband then the cheating husband will have the attitude of "well I'm still being accused of it, so I might as well continue to cheat", but if the wife goes with the approach of "I'll forgive this, I'll try to forget about it, I'll learn to trust him again, I won't pressure him, I wont ask question, and so on" but the minute u start believing and trusting again, and give him that freedom again, then he will do it again!!!!!!!!
MT
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/28/2009 4:25:48 AM
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Ishcaboo
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Caitlin, if what you say is true about husband's inherited money, if you divorced him wouldn't his financial status, his wealth, be included in his ability to provide alimony to you to assure your living status remains a close as practicable as it was in the marriage? I would like to add a thought. Is there a price tag worthy of a level of happiness? Good luck to you.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 9/28/2009 4:29:12 AM
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Ishcaboo
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MT, if I've ever read of lower self esteem, greater mixture of crap and of caring less for her own value, it is in your posting. What a woman you must not be!!!
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/8/2009 7:09:59 PM
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ArticlePost
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Reading these has helped me. i found out my husband cheated on me a year ago and have dealt with it on my own. I've been depressed; angry; hurt; disappointed; used; and I've felt ugly; hopeless; and discouraged. my husband was a minister telling our church the things that one should do as a Christian and all that time i had no idea that he was living a double life. When he finally told me, he said that this "other woman" was attractive, had a son, and he really cared about her. How do I even begin to get those images out of my head? I'm still depressed; I feel incredibly lost; and have thought of leaving. I found his journal and discovered there were others....I feel like an idiot. I've been in a fog this whole year. I'm not sure what I'm doing. I just know everything I believed in has crumbled and the truths that I knew are gone. I've gained weight and am very obese; food helps me to cope with the despair I feel inside; I've thought of myself...I don't know what to do or where I'm going...I feel pretty hopeless.
Sleepy Nurse
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/9/2009 9:40:45 AM
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ChristineB
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Hi Sleepy. I am so sorry to hear that. I think so many people have gone through this..it is truly sad. I found comfort in knowing that it wasn't me. On any level. You can't control someone else any more than you can control the weather. It doesn't stop the hurt, but that anger will pass.
Love is a tricky adventure that we take on knowing what the outcome can be, on both sides. Be strong, hang in there and allow your emotions to come out, it will offer healing, I promise.
(((hugs))))
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/9/2009 9:48:01 AM
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ArticlePost
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Sleepy Nurse,I am also married to a minister, so I know the scene of a church atmosphere (etc.). One thing you must remember is that God has seen your husband for all his good & bad. Your husband is a precious soul to Him, but the world, flesh & the devil swallowed him up! It can happen. Every night ask God to please take the pain away & all bitterness you have towards your husband & even God for allowing it to happen. Don't take it out with food & by beating yourself up - that is the worse way to feel better - you will never heal that way. Why not start walking on a tread mill everday - followed by eating lots of healthy food - this will assist in your physical body feeling body, which can lead to your mind feeling better. Focus on getting well; mentally, spiritually and physically. If your husband is truly sorry, then beg God for forgiveness! Even on days you don't feel like - KEEP ASKING GOD! Eventually God will see your deep desire to forgive, and then you will feel like a new person - BUT it can only come through HIM! People will let you down, but GOD NEVER WILL! Hang in there. You are in my prayers!
Ruth
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