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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/10/2009 11:00:24 AM
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Sleepy Nurse
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Hi, my husband confessed that he cheated on me a year ago. At that point we just moved to a new city; about to close on a new house; started new jobs; my daughter was just starting kindergarten. The news was devastating. And since then, I believe I've been in depression. I used to be pretty outgoing; people oriented; joyful; fun; and enthusiastic. This year, i've become withdrawn, discouraged; gained weight; and hopeless that my marriage will change. He wanted to work things out in our marriage but I've really had a hard time emotionally dealing with this. Some days I feel thankful about having stayed together; other days I'm still angry and hurt. I guess for the most part, I'm still hurt. We'd been married 15 years when this happened. Since then, I've had well meaning friends tell me that a marriage is 2 people and that I need to take responsibility for my part in it. I've had some tell me that I need to work harder at keeping him (which the first 3 months after the confession I lost 15 lbs; bought new clothes; changed my hair and really worked hard on my attitude being willing to forgive) except now I look back and I realize I'm the one who did those things; bought marriage books and read them; set up counseling times for our marriage;
i guess I just feel tired. He buys me flowers every week and texts me daily to tell me he loves me but somehow it just doesn't feel like it's enough for me.
Only a handful of people in our lives knows about his cheating. I haven't felt like I've had anyone to talk to. I feel pretty lonely. I feel empty. I think on a deeper level, our communication is a weakness in our marriage. I've tried so hard for years to talk with my husband and draw him out but he's not very open and just wants to believe that things are going okay. He told me that he went to this other woman b/c she listened to him; made him feel special and alive; she made him feel appreciated. He said that he felt criticized by me and put down; that I didn't appreciate him and he didn't think I cared. That really hurt me especially when i asked so many times how he was doing and what could I do but so many times he didn't want to talk to me. I believe he went to another woman b/c she didn't know him like I did and wouldn't tell him the truth about himself. I realize that there was responsibility on my part but this year I feel like he should have taken more responsibility than he had for what he did. Our marriage feels superficial and I'm at a point where I think perhaps it might be a good idea to leave.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/11/2009 9:39:56 AM
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ArticlePost
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Sleey Nurse,It sounds as if you are spiritually "sleepy". If your husband is showning a change, then embrace that God has awoken him out of his sinful state. Please check out rejoiceministries.org. There you can navigate through testimonies and listen to other people who have had their marriages completly restored - to God be all the Glory!! GOD Bless you! DON'T LEAVE ~Keep pressing on - FOR HIM and all else will fall into place!
Ruth
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 10/24/2009 2:39:55 PM
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ArticlePost
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I found out my husband was cheating on me when i found a pic he sent to his email! i also found phone numbers of 2 woman one i now know was a friend the other was the one He told me because I had the wrong one he didnt get caught!I kicked him out he was gone 4 a week living @ work he came back said nothing happend and we went to therapy the only thing is for the time we were in therapy he didnt tell us he was cheating I knew o when the daycame I went to his job he told me he had to be in a hour early so i left before him when i called him he was mad i asked if he was at work he said yes i didnt see the car so i keept looking well i saw the car and at first felt like wow thank god i was wrong then i turned the coner and there he was in her arm's now were in with a new dr and its been almost 4 months and i dont think im going to make it i hate the way i feel e took something from me the only thing is i have 3 kids and i dont work!!!!Now im trying to find a job and truth would love to let him think i want to make it work and then say goodby!I never saw it coming i was the one who i think gave to much sex 2 or 3 times a day and yes even if it was that time of the month cooked cleaned and was always dresses makeup on no matter what now I want to know how can you be so happy and tell someone u love them look them in the face a go b with another????40 an stupid is what i was and will never be again.....
Tricia
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/1/2009 3:21:01 PM
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ArticlePost
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I have been married for 32 years. I caught my husband running around about 12 years ago. My life has been upside down every since. At the time our children were 14 and 15 the times of there life that they need there father the most. My son had started using drugs and I felt he really needed his father, so I stayed. It was a very hard decision to make. Time rocked on and our daughter was in her freshman year in college. I told my husband that I was going to visit her but I got a PI to watch him and yep he did it again with a friend of mine. Because my daughter was in college and we were still battling my sons drug problem I stayed. That was 6 years ago. I can't stand to be near him and he knows it I think the only reason he stays if he does not want to divide assets. January I plan on leaving him after Christmas. My son has been clean from drugs and has made a complete turn around with his life. I have had enough of trying to mend fences that can't be fixed. Not to mention he admitted having prostitutes for years come to our business and have sex with them after the help left and would tell me he had a lot to do.
jan
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/2/2009 12:15:43 PM
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ArticlePost
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I came to this site looking for understanding of how and why this could happen.After 31 years of being together I now sit in the position of not knowing what to do , knowing also that he is cheating and if I leave I 'm the one who will lose and this other person will gain everything that I'v worked so hard to have these past 31 years.
judy
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/8/2009 9:18:00 PM
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ArticlePost
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I suggest u hold on if ur heart tells u to because theres no man that is faithful and perfect.U should continue to be faithful to him and protect ur self by using condoms and ensure u take ur monthly check up at the Dr.office
Candy Aaron
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/9/2009 2:27:50 AM
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ArticlePost
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my husband cheated 3 years ago in that he took comfort from speaking to a female work colleague about how he felt his marriage was failing. they did not havean affair although he did send her a suggestive text message which i found she herself married was no impressed ith this message and told him so she stated she was happily married with children and was only lending him a sympathetic ear. years went by he apologised but after a year orso became distant and treated me with little respect and my slf esteem rocketed. 3 weeks ago he was found by my son in another works colleaguehouse helping her with some diy. again he did not have anaffair but he still lied about his whereabouts to me. anger, frustration and despression have all set in he feels again like a fool and i have no qualms about telling him so. everyone things i am a fool for believing him but i know him best and am 100% believing that he did not have an affair (if he did ther was no reason to come back she lives alone with no children but is not interested in him in that way) i love me husband but am not in love with him at this time, i feel rejected, low and i ever there was a wee bluw pill to take my troubles away i would not hesitate. NO i'm not talking suicide was some respite. i want to make my marriage work turn back theclocks and make things alright. my husband has become remorseful and says he plans to make things better and agrees that he has messed up big style, he knows i ca never trust him again but says he will try very hard to make things better
susan
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/10/2009 2:48:54 PM
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ChristineB
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Ouch. I couldn't disgaree more! There ARE men who don't cheat. I do agree that no one is perfect but trust is a cornerstone. Don't jeopardize yourself in anyway. I am actually shocked to hear advice like that. Wow.
_____________________________
The Traveling Pendant
My Mom's dying wish....
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/15/2009 8:15:59 PM
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ArticlePost
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My husband and I have been together for 16 years and have 3 children together. We went through a hard time when he was working alful hours at work, could not sleep at night and didn't want to keep us awake so ended up going to the bars. Well we were fighting a lot under a lot of stress. Then I find out that he is sleeping with the bartender. When I found out I kicked him out. After many tears on both sides we worked through it. And I know it's over because for the last 11 months he is glued to my side and she is about 1,000 miles away from us. So why can't I get past it, why do I still dream about it, why do I feel like the ugly one, to fat to short to everything. He is trying harder than I've ever seem him try at anything. But I can't let it go. Any advise?
Ellie
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/20/2009 6:47:44 PM
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ArticlePost
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my husband left me three years ago and moved back to his home state he act like he could not stay where we was at he is 66 years old he had a lot of ex girlfriends there he has a rep. as a player he tells me he did that cause i told him i was moving on with my life that is his excusse i still stayed in his corner even after he left me. his children told me do not marry him. i thought people could change. my first husband died i was with him for 21 years and he cheated and i vowed i would never go throuh that again and i am. i want a divorce but i am scared
ann1
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/21/2009 1:13:04 PM
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ArticlePost
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hi my name is jackie i been married to my husband for 27 yrs we grew up together and married when i waas 17 and he was 18,,we have 3 kids and 3 grandkids and 2 on the way and 1 decesed.i cheated on him and he cheated on me i made up my mind that if it ever happened again i would leave,,i never did,and i have no proof of it ever happening again,(even though ive been told by family members that it has),well just 2 yrs ago he passed away with cancer it was me there by his side thru it all,,it was my name he called,it was my lips he kissed and it was my name he called minutes before taking his last breath,,now iam currently with the man who i cheated on my husband with...i wouldnt change anything for the world .even though we both cheated we loved each other till the dying end.and even though iam with someone else now ill love my husband forever i wish you all the best of luck and just because your husband cheated dosent mean he dosent love you,,,sometimes it just happens for no reason,,temptation maybe but that dont mean he dosent love you,,true love is worth holding onto.and you;ll know in the end rather it was true love or not.dont give up !!!!!!!!!
jackie
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/25/2009 10:16:09 AM
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melindaw
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If you want change you have to change things...You have to first understand that what he did is NOT about you. Some men are made of bad stuff. Unfortunately he is one of them. Selfish, cold and unreliable, lacks self respect and NO respect for women are what these kind of men have inside them. You cannot change what someone else is made of. Do not lower yourself to accept this in a partner.
Do not allow his behaviour to take away your self esteem and make you feel you are worth much less.
You are worth as much as you want to be worth in life. Stop concentrating on him and start with you. Start taking care of business which will allow you to better your life and your childrens. Perhaps start focusing on what kind of job you can get NOW or what training you can get to obtain a good paying job. Life without him will be heaven ...you just dont see that today.
The stress he is putting you thru is effecting everyone including your kids. You cannot possibly be functioning at your best right now.
Start saving every penny and make a nest. Do not cater to him and make it clear you are there only for your kids.
When he realizes you are no longer a doormat, he will not feel quite as comfortable. Do not even consider his feelings..he is worth nothing to you now or later. Do not discuss your plan with him.......just do it. What he does not know is not his business.
You need to get counselling at a centre for abused women. This is severe emotional abuse you are experiencing. It causes the inability to think straight and make decisions. I divorced many years ago and today I am the winner....not him.
The kids have no respect for what he did and for the hard times he caused us all financially. We made it thru it all together.
What goes around comes around......he rarely sees the grandchild as they are not knocking themself out to visit 2 different houses. He has depression now and is lonely........cant find a woman who is GOOD enough for him. He would kiss my butt today as he knows now what he really did to himself also. Yes he is full of regrets but too much too late. He had his fun and now he will pay the price.
Dont think you will lose...........you will win.
You have the chance to be with ANYONE you pick once you are divorced and feeling normal again......
There are some good men out there......trust me. They are DAY and NIGHT from the one you have right now.
Once you are with a NORMAL man.........you will not even want to look at your ex ever again.
People will respect you for your decision much more than you realize. It takes a strong and brave woman to have the desire to make it on her own. You will have more support than you can imagine. Be strong.....take it one day at a time.
When you look back as I do now you will say........What did I ever see in him????
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/25/2009 10:50:23 AM
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melindaw
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Yes, go with YOUR gut. Leaving is the only way to escape what you got into. Dont listen to his stories, excuses or people who tell you it was YOUR fault too........They are not knowledgable at all and lack the ability to help you make a sensible decision.
You did NOTHING to deserve what he did. He is made of bad stuff and that is why you are feeling the way you are today.
He has no respect for himself or others and you cannot change that no matter how much you want to or hope to.
Personalities are formed at a young age and he is cold and selfish. You made the mistake of marrying him. Do not make the mistake of staying with him. He broke his vow because his word is NO GOOD....he is not a real man.
Be strong and move on. All this nonsense about forgiving and counselling is just a gimmick to keep counsellors in business.
When a man does not behave as a husband should.....he is not a husband. He is only a burden to you emotionally and in every way.
Find a real man when you are ready and then you will understand the difference. This so called husband is only interested in one thing and that is himself. They are good talkers and good liars but they do NOT make good husbands or fathers. They are not capable of setting a good example to their children. That is a reaquirement of being a parent. You, as a mother need to set an example to your children too. They need to learn self esteem and respect for themself and others. Staying with someone like him is telling them....lower your standards and settle for less than you deserve in life because you are a woman. Would you want someone like him married to your daughter? Would you encourage her to settle for him? He did not make a MISTAKE. He chose to put his own sexual gratification ahead of any consequences. .........bottom line. As a normal person, you would never do that. That is the differnece between normal and abnormal perosnalities. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to be that selfish and not care about his family.
You read many stories about men who actually murder to be with another woman. These stories are scary but true.
When it comes to sex,, some men will do anything and have. I am sure there are many accidents which were not accidents.
Money and sex........when it comes to abnormal men, that is the root of all evil.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/25/2009 11:37:13 AM
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melindaw
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The mans excuse as he puts it is not even acceptable......or true.
We all have cravings. When we are hungry ........we eat. Sometimes more than we should but we are not hurting others...
Some men are wired different than others. When they want sex, they dont really care WHERE they get it.
They dont really care if they will cause pain to someone else.
All that matters is they get what they want NOW as it is the MOST important thing on thier mind....not their wife. It is all about THEM.
They behave like single men behave when they run from one woman to the next for only ONE thing.
Being single is one thing and up to the woman if she wants to be used by them for sex.
Once a man takes a vow........he promises with his word to behave in a married fashion.
We dont always get what we want but we still must behave as a normal person does in a marriage.
Some men simply do not have any self respect or respect for woman.
These men are willling sex partners for the ABNORMAL woman.
She also has no respect or self esteem to find a single man so is willing to settle for whatever is out there.....married or not.
The abnormal man is her best friend and so they find each other. Birds of a feather.........flock together.
These men are what we call not the NORMAL kind.
It isnt about forgiving but about if you want to have a marriage with an ABNORMAL person.
Since woman do have a choice........why would anyone pick the above to spend the rest of their life with???
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/27/2009 5:13:29 PM
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ArticlePost
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Hi, I'm new to this so I'm not sure where to start but here goes. I've been married to my husband for almost 2 years now and we have a 4 and a half month old son and I'm 10 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our marriage hasn't really been the healthiest marriage out there. We have had plenty of arguments and pretty hurtful things were said. We always made up and apologized to one another though. Well, on Halloween night I found out that my husband called a girl from his work and I didn't tell him that I knew it. So that night we were talking in bed and questioning about our marriage and if it should continue. We talked things over and decided that we were going to stick together and try to make things better. Well, the next morning I decided to ask him about the phone call and he said that it meant nothing. He was upset about the fight we had earlier that day so he called her. He said he was going to forget about it and never talk to her again. Now the phone the he called her with had a different sim card in it and he broke it and said now she doesn't have his number and not to worry about it. Of course it is hard for me to not worry about it. So my birthday was 2 days after this happened and he said that he wants to spend the rest of his life making this up to me. Well, I believed him. Coming to find out, 2 weeks later he calls me from work and says that he has to go out on a transport and before we got off of the phone he tells me that he loves me. Well, that night he wasn't on a transport. He told me that he went with the girl at his work that he called to her car. He said that they started kissing and undressed each other. He said that he wore a condom but he said it only lasted a few seconds and he stopped and told her that he feels like he's about to throw up and got out the car and told her that he regrets ever doing this. Knowing that I'm pregnant he didn't come home and tell me about it because he didn't want me to stress out and lose our baby. He told me he wanted to tell me so bad that night but was scared. However, he started to have inflammation in his testicles so he went to the doctor and get tested for STDs. He told me he thought it was a blatter infection. The results came back and thank God on everything it wasn't an STD because he had sex with me the night after it all happened. He ended up telling me about his affair the night after he went to the doctor. He cried and begged for me to forgive him and that it was the biggest mistake he's ever made. In his past, he was never faithful to any of his girlfriends. He said that it was always easy for him to just go out and be with another girl rather than put up with someone's crap. With me, he always stayed around and we worked things out. He was never unfaithful to me until that night. He told me any and everything I wanted to know about what happened. I could tell it was painful for him to even think about it. I just don't know what to do. I have forgiven him and we still are together, but it hurts me deeply. He said that at the time he wasn't sure if he really loved me because he said i made him have low self esteem. But he said that until he realized what he was doing in that car that he stopped because he then realized that he truly loves me and doesn't want anyone else. Since that happened he gets upset about it everyday and tells me he wishes he never did what he did and mostly that he wishes he hadn't hurt me. He said he doesn't deserve me and that I could do better but I see then pain in his eyes when he tells me that. He has been a lot more affectionate since I am trying to work at this and he compliments me everyday. I feel our sex life is stronger now and we haven't fought at all yet. It feels like we just met all over again. Could it be he really loves me and could our marriage be saved?
Confused
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/28/2009 1:47:57 AM
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ArticlePost
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my husband is having an affair and is actually now living with the woman is there anyways possible for our marriage to work out..
lora
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/28/2009 2:31:59 PM
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ericagarettson
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I tried staying with a cheating boyfriend, but I just couldn't get over it and our relationship crumbled. That could be due to my trust issues though.
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 11/29/2009 12:20:30 AM
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ArticlePost
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Read what you ladies have written, wake up. It is scary on your own but please......... better than being treated like a 3 dollar bill. Why do all the women's posts I read about husbands cheating sound like they are at fault. You are not........you are better than that. Never forget that!!! Be honest with yourself, be brave and everything should work out.
hellooooooooooo
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 12/14/2009 2:26:46 PM
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ArticlePost
Posts: 1894
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my husband cheated on me twice why i dont trust him at all
anna71
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RE: Why Women Stay With Cheating Husbands - 12/28/2009 12:12:16 PM
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Alwayzwithlove
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My husband recently cheated on me with my best friend. WOW! I had it sitting in my gut. The first night in 13 yrs that he didnt come home its like I knew and drove straight over there. The saddest thing is Her husband passed on 3 months ago and I was there for her from day 1. I prayed with her, helped her with the kids and asked my husband to help her out in any way that he could. I am at standstill in my marriage and am seeking God for help. She was a good wife to her husband and had high moral values and I just dont know what happened. I have never gone through this before and now I feel like he will never be mine again because he gave himself to someone else.
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