RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (Full Version)

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ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (7/20/2009 12:01:33 AM)

I 've read all the posts and you are all dealing with the same thing I am. I have been upset for days about my daughter. I just get this feeling that I have lost her and I'll never get her back. Why do they have to grow up? I want my little angel back I miss her so much!!!

kezabel



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (7/30/2009 4:36:45 PM)

I feel so much better after reading these posts. It is so hard raising teenagers. I have a boy and girl teen - they're about a year and a half apart. The issues I have with my daughter are laziness, lack of motivation, sleepiness, and bad attitude. I am past the initial pain that comes after she began to act differently. I have accepted that she is a teen now and I have learned not to take things personally - most of the time. I love my daughter very much and I know she knows that. I worry about her a lot and I don't know what to do anymore when she won't follow our families rules and guidelines. She doesn't seem to care if the phone, tv and computer are taken away - she just lays around and reads - I finally had to make her stop reading so much and get outside and do something! She has lots of good friends that I like but she is so content to just mope around all day. I find it frustrating!!!

sass



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (8/11/2009 9:33:33 AM)

My 18 year old daughter totally ignores me unless she wants something. She works and is getting ready to go to college. When I try to make time to do things with her she says she is busy. She most recently ignored my birthday. This hurt me terribly. She is generous to her friends and co workers, but when it comes to me forget it. She will leave in 2 weeks for college, which I am paying most of. I wanted to take her shopping for dorm stuff, but now I really don't think she deserves my time. What are your thoughts?

Sunny



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (8/11/2009 12:35:38 PM)

Wow, came upon this site by accident and realized I am just a 'normal' Jane like everyone else here. Not the horrid Mom that my daughter hates who "does all the talking" and "does not know how to listen". When she is angry with me she sweet talks her Dad and vice versa depending on what she wants at the time. If I try to have a conversation with her she gets hysterical and bursts into tears. When she is asleep I see the little girl I loved so much. When she is awake I cannot imagine that there are times I find it difficult to love my own daughter as much because everything is about her. I am going to enroll her and myself in community work in the hope that she will come down from her high pedestal and see the trials that regular folks face. I think we have to continue to love them when loving them is the most difficult thing to do.Take care Dads and Moms and continue loving them and setting boundaries. Would be much easier to just let them be but that would be uncaring and selfish. They will be worth it one day. I promise although right now I find it hard to believe myself. But they are worth it!!! And they will thank you one day. HANG IN THERE!!!!

georgia



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (8/14/2009 2:26:48 PM)

I so enjoyed reading all your comments, and it really rang bells reading momofteentwins post since I also have teen twins (identical) who are now 16. Up until this summer we've had a great relationship (I think), although I've never felt supremely important in their lives - not since they were little, anyway - since they have each other to be that person. It's a very isolating experience to be the mom of identical twins. They love each other so intensely, almost to the exclusion of everyone else in the family (not friends though - they love their friends just as much). They've been working full time (this is the 3rd summer now) and it's just as bad because they then socialize with their summer friends after work and in almost every spare moment. I feel like we're growing apart by the moment, but they don't seem to care at all. Thank goodness I also have an almost 18 year old son who still loves and appreciates me.Another mom of twin girls

Another mom of twin girls



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (8/22/2009 5:46:45 AM)

I came onto this site tonight, as I have a 15 year old daughter who is very strong willed right now. She got so off track, that I asked her Dad (My Ex) to step up and take her in. He moved her into his and his partners house and she went well for about 3 weeks. Well, she stole from the Ex's partner, then ran away for 2 days. Shew turned up at my Mums house, blaming everything on the Ex's partner, that she did no wrong. I told my Mum that she had to learn to deal with the consequences fo her actions, but Mum stood up for her and is letting her stay for the weekend. I got a call from Mum tonight, saying that my daughter had jumped out of the bedroom window and gone out. So, there you go, others may think that they will do a better job than the parents, then the teen proves otherwise. I just have to take a look at my 23 year old daughter and smile at how proud I am of her for growing up and being a lovely young women. She was a terror herself, but it does pass eventually, then they become your best friends. Thanks for showing me that I am not alone!Anna.

Anna



Thelma -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (8/26/2009 12:26:37 PM)

My heart goes out to you all.  It is no picnic trying to raise kids in this day and age. 

I am one who believes that a little discipline goes a long way.  Children need to learn that there is always consequences to their actions no matter what their age.  Too many parents would rather be friends to their kids than the disciplinarian.  There is however a balance in there, you just need to find it. 

Don't threaten your kids, follow through with it.  Don't just tell your kids your going to take away their phone or car, DO IT.  Don't feel like you're being the "bad guy" either.  Someday they will realize YOU were the one looking out for their best interest, not your "ex" that let them do anything they wanted. 

I have been the primary diciplinarian for my kids.  My husband works full time and I was a SAHM up until the last few years so the responsibility fell on my shoulders.  When I said something, I meant it and my kids knew it.  Today they are 19, 18 and 13.  The two oldest are attending college and paying their own way through.  They have both worked since they were 16 and have had to pay for their own vehicles, insurance and cellphones.  If they want something, they buy it, not me.  They have both thanked me for doing this as they see their friends getting everything handed to them, never learning the true value of a dollar. 

No child is perfect, no parent is perfect, no family is perfect.  If what you're doing isn't working, try something else.  Seek outside help if you need.  Whatever you do, don't blame yourself or give up.  All anyone can ask is that you do the best you can.  Your kids won't always be happy with you but one day they will realize you only had their best interests in mind and you tried your best.[sm=hug.gif]

Good luck to all you troubled parents!



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (8/28/2009 9:21:52 AM)

This article helps so much. I hear all the time about this is the way teenage girls are towards there mothers, but I always think it is me doing something wrong. I am sure there is always something I am doing wrong, but I am learning this process has hardly anything to do with me. I keep thinking there must be something I can do to help her through this and I have a difficult time standing back and just letting it work itself out. I wish there was a book to follow. It reminds me of when they were babies and when they cried some things were instinctive, but other times you kept trying different things until you finally figured out what they needed to be happy. This is similar to the failure of communication you have with babies and it is very disheartening not to try to fix it. I do a lot of praying and taking deep breaths when I want to scream back or just cry. This to shall pass.

Michele



TVCastingDirector -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (9/1/2009 4:48:12 PM)

I came across this wonderful website and forum.  I am the Casting Director of the show World's Strictest Parents on CMT.  We have had great success in helping teens like many described here on this thread.  Sometimes good teens make bad decisions and need a little guidance to get back on track.  The stories I have read so far on this topic are the types of situations we deal with on our show.  If you would like to view previous episodes you can visit the CMT website.

CMT is now casting both teens and families to appear on the hit show, World’s Strictest Parents.  If you have a rebellious teen determined to challenge authority OR if you are the strict parents who can set those teens straight with discipline and understanding, apply now. Call the casting hotline with your story and contact info at (888) 41-TEENS

You can also email me for more information at teens@shedmediaus.com



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (10/4/2009 12:13:28 AM)

ohh lord well i had just read all these comments couse im super mad at my mom for noty lettinq me qo to a disco with my new boyfriend i totally understand her put uggghhhh iw anted too qo sooo abdly so i came to this site toi see how parents feel about us teenagers..&& wow im shocked how parent think about us teenaqers im 14 and sometimes i wish i can move out of the house cause my mom qets meee soooo madd ! my mom is a really cool mom and i love her to death beacause no matter wat she always qoin to be there for me no matter how many times i screw up.i had lied to my mom manyy timessss!! uff there countless for example wen i was 13 had a boyfriends that was 17 turninq 18 so yu can imaqine alsoo he drived my mom had meet him but i told her he was 15; she had full trust on me i never did nothinq ronq or sexual with him i just wanted to be with him cause i really liked him so i would tell her i was qoin to sleep over my older cousins house who was 16 and i would leave with him to the beach & stuff im now 14 & really mature for my aqe im not quna lie im really bipolar no lie but ive heard is tottally normal on us. teenaqers can beee really complicated! i just want to tell all parents to lisen and talk with your kids and not to qround them or take away their stuff or tell them they cant do nothinq cause is qoin to make it worst my advice as a teenager is that have lots of conversations with you kids spacially us qirls and try to put your self in our position ! and trust but not all the time we can fool you guy really fast ! iv had lots of conversations with my mom but sometimes i feel that i have to slow down cus im only 14 i totally understand but sometimes i forqet and say thinq to my mom i really dont mean! not all teenaqe qirls think the same and no tipe of cycological help or how ever yu spell that can help trustt me!!!! like i said im mature and yu miqht not belive me but i really mature and know how to kinda take care of my self,i had never been disrispected by any of myt boyfriends because i know the people who are riqht for me! i had learned from mistakes that ive done and it has been 1 with my boyfriend & im really happy also i havent lied to my mom any more and im glad she is openinq up to me and liseninq to me tell her about my niqhts with my bf at the movies,bayside,mall ,restaurants ect. jejeje but im still mad cus she didnt let me qo but yea i qot over it noew that i read that i had reallized many thinq & i think sometimes us teenagers should hear how you parent feel! well i hope somethinq from all this helped byeeee :]

chulii



ChristineB -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (10/5/2009 9:53:13 AM)

While I do understand, 14 is still a child, no matter how old you may feel. You are too young to move out, to vote, to drive, to drink etc...there are reasons for that.  It's best to not rush being grownup...once it comes you can never stop it.  All I can say is stop trying to wish you were grown up and enjoy being a kid.  14 is a kid and is a wonderful time of your life to learn, grow , mature and have your parent(s) to look out for you.  Don't rush into going to disco's...they'll still be there when you're 21.



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (10/8/2009 3:32:19 PM)

These posts have helped me so much! Thanks to all involved. I have a 16 year old daughter who hates my guts, lol, supposedly. I haven't been the perfect parent but I have tried to understand and listen to my only child whenever she needed me. Unfortunately, as far as all the books say, I have been too much of a friend and buddy and not enough of a parent. Also, I don't want to be some cardboard cut-out of a June Cleaver mom. I'm not comfortable being fake. I love my girl more than anything but being a strong female figure in your own right seems to be an important thing. Now at least I don't feel alone! Teenagers, especially daughters, are difficult!

holli h



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (10/12/2009 6:42:16 AM)

OMG I thought I was alone I have an 11 year old who thinks she is 21. All of a sudden she has gone from my precious little girl to an alien who hates me for everything. At school she can do no wrong but as soon as the bell rings it is as if she is replaced by someone else. She yells, she swears, she tells me I hate her and favour her 6-year-old sister over her. Apparently I don't understand her. If this is happening at 11 what will it be like by the time she is 15? I love her so much but right now I am finding it hard to like her. How do you keep control without alienating them? All I really want to do is hold her in my arms and tell her how precious she is but if you enter her room she tells you to get out. HELP

karen



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (10/14/2009 10:01:17 AM)

Well i think you are all lucky my daughter turned into the devil at 3 years old.The temper tantrums the screaming fits,the butter wouldnt melt when daddys around.Ifeel we have had a right journey together she is now nearly 16 and although we still have the odd strop i feel we have come out the other side and most of the time we get along just fine.But one thing i must advise you all dont blame yourself and dont give up on them you will come out the other side.

Joe



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (10/27/2009 7:32:53 PM)

I just want to say that I am so glad I am not alone. I have felt like a horrible parent. Try to do and do and do only to get crushed.

Maurina



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (11/4/2009 11:34:03 AM)

k, so thank God I came to work today and read all the posts that everyone has been so gracious to share. I too dropped my "beauty" off at 7 am for yet another day as a 14 year old freshman Jerk!! I am at a total loss as to who she has become, I used to adore her, now I clench my teeth everytime she comes near. she is cocky, nasty, mean, hateful... eeewww!! A girl who is in and out of Juvie attacked my nasty mouthed daughter on the bus...I did as any mom would do and tried to get to the bottom of it. Today, however, I want to put a sticky note on that very same girls locker that says "haydee thinks your a slut".... then I will do as my daughter has reccomended I do, sit back, relax and enjoy the show!!! K, I will come out of my vengeful mind and go to work... to all you moms who love your girls, Have a great day!!!

becca



sdksmadre -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (11/20/2009 7:59:20 PM)

Mine has been 16 a little bit over a month. My, my, my - just when I thought things were going kinda ok - she hadn't hated me for a few months and we were getting along pretty well - or it seemed that way. Last hour I was told that she didn't like me at all and in fact, she hated me, and she wanted to live with her grandma (3 houses down from us) - that whole deal. Also was told that I never have any money (i'm a single mom) and she wished I could find a husband and that I never let her go anywhere or do anything and i won't even buy her a car. [:-]Because, according to her, if she had a car then all problems would be solved! She then proceeds to tell me that when she IS nice to me, the only reason she is nice to me is because those are the times that she wants something and for no other reason. I didn't raise this child! Hateful, ungrateful, inconsiderate, selfish, disrespectful.....All in all - She really is a good kid - and I try to take it all in stride, but dang! I guess the thing that gets me the most is that she has no clue how hard I work, how hard I try or just how difficult it is. I know I'm not alone in this --- but today, I feel alone and lost.



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (12/16/2009 4:42:04 PM)

I Knew I wasn't alone on this journey and I am so glad to find this post. My freshman daughter is an only child and we are very close. About the time of Homecoming in October we were introduced to the first boy crush thing and first peck of a kiss. Then a new boy emerged and texting has been an issue along with he is a junior and drives. Needless to say I've been on a hoho string and it is going to be a long ride to her senior year. But, it is what it is and I love her. I need to let go of some of my controling her every move. I have instilled rules and restrictions. I've been told to be consistant and availabl, she knows what they are and she knows the consequences. I am also learning not to ask so many questions. I was doing it just to have conversation but it is not worth the tired attituted answers. God bless mothers, we have the hardest, but most rewarding, job on earth! Thanks, Sharon

Sharon



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (1/31/2010 9:13:05 PM)

Thank you for this article and to all of the others for sharing their thoughts - you too girls. I am struggling to keep my connection with my 15 year old - yes she is 15 going on 21. She matured early and that has not helped. Someone took my real daughter away somewhere in grade 7 and yes - replaced her with an beautiful amazonian female with out the experience or maturity necessary to manage the social life and boys that came with it. I have caught her lying, drinking and I only probably know the tip of the iceberg. I try to step back and give her space but I worry non-stop and keep looking for ways to remain cool and collected but still keep an eye on what she is getting up to. I also try to talk when she feels like it with out pushing too hard. She hasn't said she hates me yet and we don't really yell at each other - but what is worse is the distance and that I can't hold the wonderful girl I love anymore - she won't really allow me close enough. Anyway - good luck ladies - I know it will pass - some time. It is good to know I am not alone.

Cat



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (2/1/2010 11:53:36 PM)

I am a 65 year old grandmother of a 15 year old girl who is making me crazy. I keep a picture of her on my desktop, standing in front of our mailbox blooming with purple clematis and holding her puppy after 6th grade graduation and making honor roll and perfect attendance...it is my last good memory of her. It pains me to look at that picture now. Throughout the middle school years and now as a high school freshman, she has made my life a living hell. I don't know how much more I can take. She is failing every subject in school, not because she can't make the passing grades, but because of truancy. She likes a loser boy/man who is almost 20 and is still in high school. He is now a convicted sex offender charged with carnal knowledge of a female age 13-15. She was one of the plaintiffs but refused to testify against him. The other 13-year old plaintiff did not drop the charges and he was convicted. She says she is in love with this moron who still lives at home, has no job and no ambition. He "holds her in the palm of his hand" - as her diary reads. He tells her who she can and cannot be friends with, how much she should weigh, how she should dress and dictates every aspect of her life. This boy/man is a total loser who could never find a girl over 18 to give him a second look, but she thinks the sun rises and sets on his butt. Both of them are violent and abusive - she towards me - and he is abusive to her, psychologically, verbaly and physically. When I stand up to her and say she can't see him anymore she attacks me, then takes my cell phone and rips out the home phone so I can't call the police. And then when I can call the police, I don't, because I don't want to send her back to Juvenile Hall.

Sandi



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