RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (Full Version)

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ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (2/3/2010 3:42:47 PM)

Sharon - you sound like you are having the same experience as many of the others are, including me. I have been told by another mother that they come back at around 19 - but others say that hasn't happened. I can only hope. We do have good days and some laughs though. Someone said don't ask questions about school and friends but find neutral topics. I bought a Vogue for her the other day - something she doesn't usually get - and we went through and picked the photos we liked. The other day she actually told me about her new boyfriend - a rare sharing moment! At 13 I thought that we would not let her have a boyfriend until 16 - now I am happy if she tells me about them! I guess it is adapting. Sandi - above - I think you have it tougher. How sad that her self esteem is so low. I don't know how you will manage this situation. Can you get her some councilling?

Cat



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (2/7/2010 6:40:15 PM)

my daughter definitely hates me, she currently lives most of the time with my ex wife as her rules are somewhat slack, where at my home our rules are strickly followed. My wife and I allow her and my stepdaughter alot of leeway, responsibility but if things don't go my daughters way, she runs to her mom. It is very frustrating and feel like I am always the bad guy. I love my daughter dearly and we were so very close up until she went to high school this year, now I really don't like her much...I feel terrible

ray



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (2/9/2010 9:08:22 PM)

Sandi, There are boundaries that should not be crossed. What you describe is a situation that goes beyond 'teenage' attitude. Physical abuse by your grand daughter is totally unacceptable, it is now criminal. You would be doing your grand daughter the biggest favor ever to seek counseling for both of you. Allowing her to continue this disgusting behavior is a mistake and sets her up on a path that you will both be sorry for. Take control, report this behavior, and seek help from professionals, for her sake. Yes, she may hate you, but I think this alternative is better than she ending up in some juvenile home. No one wants to hear this, but you have to see that physical or emotional abuse against another family member is dead wrong!!!!!!

char



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (3/30/2010 12:16:14 PM)

After reading these posts, I know that I'm not alone, and I know that compared to some my problems are small. I appreciate knowing that I'm not alone. My 14 year old daughter has always been strong willed and has always been the source of most of my nightmares. To give an example, at 7 she tied sheets together and then around her little sister's waist then went out a second story window, and just last year she tried to climb up and over the roof of our house to try and get in because she had forgotten her key. She doesn't make the best decisions and she constantly puts herself in harm's way. Now, I am being told that I am too strict and that I have to stop telling her what she can and can't do because I'm making her hate me. Every time she gets into trouble, she turns it around to be my fault or my husband's fault or even her younger siblings faults. It is never her. I am at the point where I am considering giving her the freedom that she is constantly demanding. Wouldn't it just be easier to not fight it? I am considering giving her that freedom but taking away the privileges that the other kids get to show her that with freedom comes responsibility for yourself. Somehow, I know that she wouldn't be able to see the lesson in it though. She would just get herself in terrible trouble and as the Mother, I would be responsible. I am at my wits end. How do you show them that what you are doing is the best for them?

Amy



Lill2441 -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (4/3/2010 1:19:08 PM)

I have an 18 year old son who has never given me a day of trouble...thank goodness. My daughter who is 16 is constantly in drama. I dont know why I get myself so involved in her drama...I really need to learn to stay out of it. I had a very hard time in high school and I never wanted that for her. Although she is a good kid for the most part, its this drama between her friends and boys that is driving me crazy. Maybe I know too much and she probably tells me WAY too much, which I know is part of the problem.

Am I crazy too be so upset about her drama?



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (4/24/2010 11:27:18 PM)

I have a 17 year old son who is a pleasure to have and a 15 year old daughter that I really don't know what to do with . She used to be my angel and I had so much hopes and dreams for her but everything changed almost two years ago , with drinking , boys ,.... I don't know whether I should just give up . I am just so terified for her that she is making all the wrong choices and this might affect the rest of her life . her choice of friends are terrible , anytime we argue it all up on facebook . She hates me and it is so hard for me to accept all this . I am scared that I might never forgive her when and if all this is passed . I do love her , but I am greatley suffering , I don't even know anymore what to do ,what is right or wrong , is it really gone pass??

Mary



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (4/29/2010 6:03:32 PM)

I have a 15 year old daughter that thinks she is going on 25. She only likes me and her step-dad when we are getting something for her or letting her run which isn't very often. The most resent is she is wanting to go to a Warped Tour in Indy, i told her "No". She started ranting a raving of how she is going to get to this concert some way. She sticks it my face that "Oh thats the weekend that I go to my dads so I will just ask him, he will let me go. I told her I am thinking of only her safety at this kind of event they say over 500,000 people attend this every year and some of my co worker go to it every year. They say it is like Wood Stock. So this is the resent tantrum of hers how to deal with this lord only knows. We try and give her and her sister everything they want. It will never be good enough, not until she grows up a little bit but until then we will love her anyway.

dawn



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (4/30/2010 4:27:40 PM)

Boy does all that sound familiar. I love my daughter to bits but find I don't want to be around her much.What's the point when we argue or when she starts trouble on her brother and causes tension in the house. I know she's hormonal but she drives me mad and I'm sure I drive her mad too.I never gave my mum a hard time. I'm so glad I only have one daughter. I'm hoping that one day (she.s not 13 yet)she will grow out of it. I wish I had more patience too. Maybe one day we will be as close as me and my mum.

flo



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (5/16/2010 3:30:51 AM)

This may sound extremely horrible but I think I HATE my 13 year old daughter! She has become a mean, aggressive, overbearing Bully! Everyday is a total nightmare, I never know what she is going to do next. She is so angry all the time that I walk on egg shells around her. She is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. On Mothers Day she punched me as hard as she could right in the nose! All because I wouldnt get out of HER bathroom. I also have a 3 year old that has to endure all of the screaming and drama from my daughter. I hope he doesnt get damaged from all the chaos in our house. I dont know what to do with her, everyday I think about going to the police but I just cant bear to see her go to juvenile hall or foster care.Plus I am scared that she will turn everything on me and make me look like the abuser and then I will lose my son. I feel so trapped!

Rachel



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (5/22/2010 8:20:44 AM)

I feel the same way about my step-daughter. She's always chatting on facebook and xbox. She can't bother with chores, and thinks that she rules the roost. When we do things as a family, she brings a book or is standoffish with everyone. She is anti-social unless it's on xbox or the computer. She complains she don't have friends to do things with but she never leaves the house to make friends. Plus, she pushes my buttons all the time. It is causing a riff between my wife and me. I have decided I am going to just ignore her like she isn't here.

Rick



Mina -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (5/22/2010 6:10:41 PM)

I'm totally new here. just joined so I could comment and share in this specific topic. Actually googled this after my daughter and I had another dusting up. Oh man! I suddenly feel normal. Apparently I'm not a horrible mother, no matter how many times she tells me she hates me when she has to clean the house or do anything she doesn't already want to do. My girl is about to turn 12 and god some days are a struggle. She's such a good loving child and a great big sister, but I swear she picks on her little sister (almost 8) some days just because she's bored! She's wonderful to our boy (almost 2) and will play happily with him. Until I ask her to mind him for me so I can do this, that, or the other around the house. And holy water if she's asked to do a chore or pick up her very own room. I cook, I clean, I bake for school, I sew costumes for plays, we do volleyball, girlscouts, soccer, playdates till I'm exhausted, but the disrespect is more than I can handle! I'm not a single mom, but I've been a military wife with a husband who was always gone, and now that he's out , he works during the day and goes to school at night. So basically I'm a single mom,and some days I just cry. I don't know what to do. She just makes everything so hard. And sometimes with her friends she acts like such a little fool, I'm embarrassed! And the drama with the other girls, omg. It helps to know that just doing what I'm doing and holding the line of acceptability and responsiblily is all we can really do. I crucify myself when I loose my bearing and scream back or get mean. I too have a temper and try everyday to conquer my demons. It's such a relief to know my feelings and flaws are not mine alone. My love for my child is endless, but my liking? eh, day to day lol. Thank you other mothers for your honesty and openness. My mother too wished me daughters like my self. Perhaps cursed me lol. But I turned out okay. Life is hard for everyone I guess. The comments and advice have really changed my perspective on some of these thing I deal with. thanks again.



ChristineB -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (5/23/2010 10:17:02 AM)

Hi Mina.  Welcome, Welcome!

ONe of my biggest fears is that I am not "normal."  I often bounce ideas off people here only to find out that everyone goes through the same types of things, in one way or another.  All we can do is our best, and keep on plugging along![:D]



fiery -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (5/23/2010 2:25:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArticlePost

This may sound extremely horrible but I think I HATE my 13 year old daughter! She has become a mean, aggressive, overbearing Bully! Everyday is a total nightmare, I never know what she is going to do next. She is so angry all the time that I walk on egg shells around her. She is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. On Mothers Day she punched me as hard as she could right in the nose! All because I wouldnt get out of HER bathroom. I also have a 3 year old that has to endure all of the screaming and drama from my daughter. I hope he doesnt get damaged from all the chaos in our house. I dont know what to do with her, everyday I think about going to the police but I just cant bear to see her go to juvenile hall or foster care.Plus I am scared that she will turn everything on me and make me look like the abuser and then I will lose my son. I feel so trapped!

Rachel


Rachel, do you have anyone in the family you can turn to for support? If it were me, I'd be calling the police if she'd punched me. If nothing else you could ask them to come and talk to her or take her to the station to talk to them so they can tell her how serious what she's doing is. That will at the very least give her a fright.

How could she possibly turn this on you? You need to get in touch with professionals before she does really hurt you because the older she gets, the worse she'll get if she gets away with it at this age. Someday you may really lose your temper and then things would be a hundred times worse.

If not for your own sanity and your daughter's future, think of your son. What kind of a lesson is this teaching him to see her be physically and verbally abusive to you and you do nothing? Call social services yourself and ask about support. Then you are the one taking action to nip this in the bud. She can't easily portray you as the bad guy if you've been proactive about involving them and any other forms of help you can find.

A bout of foster care would do her good I think. You need the break from her, that's for sure. Ask family and friends to help you handle this. It's too much to try to alone. And if she does end up there, it's for her own good. Better to get her straightened out now before she gets any older. Isn't that what you want for you both? She's not going to do it. It's up to you to choose whether to keep suffering this or take action. Good luck.



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/2/2010 9:59:47 PM)

I have a 13 year old daughter who has turned into the devil over night. One minute she is loving and fun to be around and the next she is turnong our house hold upside down. I dont know what to do anyomore. It seems like everything is perfect as long as im buying her something or letting her have her own way but as soon as I tell her no she turns into a complete ****. She takes it out on her younger sister and she will tell me how much she hates me. I hope I can survive this stage in her life because some days I just dont know what to do anymore. I think about running away all the time.I sit and wonder what happened to my little girl its like she is possesed.

Sally



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/7/2010 12:13:31 PM)

WOW! I'm glad I'm not alone. I sometimes feel my daughter is bipolar- seriously, but everyone tells me she is just a normal 15 year old girl. But, I feel like I'm at my wits end. We fight EVERY day. I try, but right now, I just do not like her very much and I hate saying that. I assume I just have to wait the next few years out and hope our relationship flurishes then. Who knows.

Jen



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/11/2010 3:20:26 PM)

My daughter is 17. It started when she was about 13. She has always gotten good grades and has been a "good kid" but she has no respect for myself or her step father.We tried everything. Taking things away, grounding, counseling, we did it all! Nothing ever worked. She just did not care. She just graduated High School and now thinks she can do whateve she wants till Fall when college starts. I keep waiting for it to "get better" It just seems to stay the same. I dont know what to do outside of kicking her out.Which would only make it worse. It's SO hard!!!!

Michelle



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/16/2010 5:00:28 PM)

Oh god, what a nightmare, my 14 year old always has to argue the toss about everything, i'm at a loss what next to do to punish her for her behaviour. She's grounded for 1 month after shoplifting in primark of all flippin places,when there was adesigner mall across the road?? not that i condone shoplifting or anything! After both myself and hubbie (her dad) have rescued her from her own self inflicted ordeal and the repercussions of school life and friends she is now back to her gobby( because there is nice nice way of saying it) self. Parenting seems to be a thankless gift. For my on sanity i think i have to excape for a long weekend on my own. I dont understand why she only does it to me when i'm the one who does everything for her including the emotional and financial support she needs.

Elaine



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/21/2010 11:25:22 PM)

I am so glad I found this site. I thought I was losing my mind. My daughter is 17 1/2 and her mood swings just started when she started taking "the pill" (thats another story). Up until 3 months ago she was a good student with her eye on university in the Fall. Now, she's barely graduating and going to community college. She's never had a mood swing or cruel moment in her life. I always thought of her as Cinderella, she used to wake up practically singing. Well, those days are long gone and I dread seeing her daily. We were so close to the finish line with her and then the **** pill came into the picture and ruined it all. I know, pregnancy is worse, but there are OTHER ways to prevent it and we've openly talked about them since she was 8. I don't think she'll still be living here for her grad in 8 days. She's that vile. She thinks her birth father is a saint and will likely move in with him to get her way. Thank you all for the support thru your stories and letters.

Elaine



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/26/2010 6:03:41 PM)

I can relate with you Sally. My daughter is 15 and as long as I've got my wallet out or letting her do what SHE wants to do, our world is pleasant. But tell her no and all hell breaks out. She is hateful and disrespectful to my husband and me, she's aggressive and hateful with her little brothers, and makes life in our house almost unbearable at times. And what tops it off is she feels she is NEVER wrong and always turns an argument around to what WE have done to make her act this way!!!! You'll die before you get an apology out of her for anything. I am literally at the end of my rope. I just need some peace and a little respect for goodness sake!

Kelly



ArticlePost -> RE: The Joys of Raising a Teenage Daughter (6/26/2010 8:30:05 PM)

I have four children, my oldest will be 12 in a couple of weeks. She like many of the other girls mentioned on this site was a great kid, respectful and funny. I have been divorced from their Dad for 5 years and have been dating a great guy for the past year. We plan to move in together, which means the kids and I will be moving to live with him on his farm. My oldest is NOT impressed and is very expressive about it. My three younger kids are really excited and love the idea of finally having a father figure. I don't want her to ruin all of our happiness, not sure how to handle it...any ideas?

Monica



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